Fight Or Flight
by Alva Starr
Summary: Serena: Yeah this fresh start was going great. Tequila, valium, Mac; all three target behaviors fully engaged on her first day out of rehab. Oh and don't forget murder. She had a new vice? Mac: Build her up, tear her down. He'd show her what he could do to her body; get her hooked. Make her want him Make it hurt. The hypnosis of lust will pave her road to hell. Rated Very M
1. Nobody Girl

***This is my first attempt at a Red Canyon Fic. I make no grand claims that its different than any Mac OC fics out there. (That claim is strictly for my TWD fics lol!) Its straightforward and has a lot of stock Mac fic stuff that you've probably seen before I just wrote it my way.**

***I can't thank the fabulous OnTheWildSide enough for her help with this. She patiently answered all my questions and read over my draft and critiqued it and gave me the confidence to post it**

***A few of my TWD readers are waiting for this too. You guys know Mac so you know its way different from what you are used to from me. No magic or mysticism or true love in this on lol!**

***Just to clarify: words in italics are past flashbacks and internal thoughts/visions/dialogue.**

***Please Note: This is NOT NICE FanFiction. Its Rated Very M for extreme language, violence, torture, and sexual content.***

**mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm**

*fusing.

It's warmer in hell so down we go...

-brody dalle

She checked herself out early. Another rehab Serena didn't think she needed but her record label did. They were a small- indie punk, but she had signed a contract and made enough money for them in the underground music scene that if she was fucking up too badly they had the right to make her check in. This time it was some place out in the middle of God knows where Utah. They figured the farther away from a major city she was, the better chance of her staying and not getting in even more trouble. She tried this time, really did. She stayed twenty days out of the thirty they wanted her to do. Part of her was sick of doing stupid things, messing up her life. Sick and tired of being sick and tired. Ha ha. But, suicidal ideation, self harm, anxiety and depression unhealthy risk taking-her diagnosis of sorts? She'd actually listened in group and individual therapy this time. All those fancy terms telling her what she already knew: she loved her alcohol, her benzos and bad boys. Her three weaknesses. Not a good combination. She'd go back to Seattle, cut back on the drinking and drugs, focus on her music. Low profile. No men. No men. No men.

She tossed her duffel bag in the trunk of the cab that would take he to the car rental office, but kept her black studded purse with her. She felt for the leopard pill box at the bottom, feeling secure. They were there if she needed them. The funny thing about rehab was that is was really easy to get drugs. Almost easier inside than outside. She scored the Valium right outside the front door. But right now she was sober. She'd been sober for twenty days. Her manager was supposed to pick her up next week but she wanted this time on her own, away from everybody. She'd be home before anyone knew she was missing.

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She pushed her bangs off of her eyes as she scanned her iPod for driving music. She hadn't cut them in a month; she'd had no access to scissors in 'the joint' so they almost covered her dark brown eyes now. Her black hair had intense burgundy highlights and was stick straight falling past her shoulders. Her skin was pale, living in Seattle made it easy to avoid the sun. Right now the heat of the desert made her tight black stretch jeans stick to her skin as she sweat. Her t-shirt was tied up in a halter exposing her flat but not muscular abdomen. She never exercised, just drank more than she ate. Not a health nut far from it. She thought her push up bra created a better curve into her hips. She kicked the front tire with her black engineer boot in a superstitious way then got in the driver's seat. She put on some Distlllers and turned out of the parking lot of the low-budget rental place. 'Drain the Blood' came bursting of the speakers.

She didn't mind being alone for such a long drive. She liked it, was used that solitary feeling, even when she was with people; she was essentially alone because deep down inside people scared her. That's why she loved to drink. It was weird because her fear of people didn't stop her from being somewhat of an exhibitionist. She loved the stage- she was born to be a rock singer. It was the anonymous attention she craved. One on one freaked her out and sent her reeling -running away or running to drinking and drugs and really intense sex with no emotion attached. The only things that made her feel or maybe not feel...

_I never met a pearl quite like you_

_who could shimmer and rot at the same time through_

_All my friends are murder..._

She sang along with Brody's raspy howl.

She 'd driven a ways into late afternoon, when she noticed a grinding noise every time she accelerated and the car had hard time getting over forty miles an hour. Then it started handling poorly. She pulled over, grabbed her cell phone and called the rental place. They told her they couldn't get anyone there for some time; apparently she really was out in the middle of nowhere. If she got he car towed and fixed the company would reimburse her. That's what you get for going with the cheap place. After spending so much on the drugs she only had a little cash left for gas and the car. How the fuck would she pay for repairs? She'd find a way, she aways did. She drove with the noise for a few more miles hoping to find a gas station or garage._ No wonder this was called a desert its deserted ha ha_ she said to herself. She stated to worry when there was still nothing after another half mile. Finally a sign for Caineville._ Has to be something there._

She noticed the restaurant bar first, of course. Looked touristy, but it was a bar god she could use a drink. Her stomach got all fluttery at the thought. It had been nearly a month. Then she saw the garage. Maybe her life was changing for the better. At least she had some fucking luck today. She pulled into the shop's lot and turned off the noisy grinding engine. When she stepped from the car and bent over, leaning in reaching for her purse, a low raspy voice from behind her said "Its your exhaust system."

Startled she stood up and slammed right back into the guy's chest. That's how close he'd been standing to her.

"Hey." she said turning around. He didn't move and her breasts rubbed against the front of his dirty blue mechanic's coveralls as she moved to face him.

"Heard you coming half mile away." He said, not moving back.

Finally she slid out from between the car and his body. He smirked and smiled at the same time revealing some pretty bad teeth. She knew meth mouth when she saw it, though it wasn't nearly as bad as some she'd seen. Still early? He picked at scabs on his neck. She knew all the signs well so it surprised her that he was actually kind of good-looking. She shook that thought from her mind._ No men,_ Serena reminded herself. She focused on how obnoxious it was of him to pin her like that.

"Pretty friendly town, huh?" she said referring to his full body contact of the moment before. She wanted to hit him, belt him hard across the face, take her brass knuckles out of her pocket and threaten him, but she knew she needed to get the damn car fixed. He might be a creep but he was a mechanic and he seemed to know what was wrong with the car.

"So can you fix it?"

"Yup."

She noticed him staring hard at her navel flashing rhinestone and the tattoos on her ribs not even trying to pretend he wasn't. His eyes travelled down to her belt line then up to the knot in her t-shirt just under her breasts. They lingered on her body, not really looking at her face while he spoke.

"How soon will it be done?"

"Depends. I'm probably gonna have to order a part and seeing as we're closin' up, could take a day or two."

"Shit."

"There's a motel you can stay at."

"Have no choice, I guess."

He smirked again when she said that. She wanted to slap it off of his face. The thought excited her. She realized he was really attractive despite his teeth. She'd kissed worse mouths on cute guys. His voice had a dirty, sexy low tone she usually couldn't resist. _Fuck he's my type._

"You can get a room from the guy at the bar. Check back here tomorrow." He said it like an order.

"Do I have to fill anything out paper work or anything?"

He grunted and snorted, looking at her like she was stupid, indicating no. God she really wanted to hit him.

"Just need a name."

"Serena."

"How much is it going to cost?"

"Don't you wanna know my name?"

"Does it matter?" she didn't know why she said it.

"Mac. Damn right it matters if you want your damn car fixed to get out of here." He said it gruffly almost angrily and leaned into her again. As his body practically touched hers, she felt that heated energy and a physical pull toward him. The twisting low in her gut confirmed it was that feeling, the one that always got her in trouble. She quickly moved away. _Not this time. I'm in a good place, starting over._

"Okay Mac. See you tomorrow."

She put the keys in his hand and turned away heading straight to the Luna Mesa for that drink.

As she started to cross the road, she saw them point and heard their snickers from a distance. She knew they were having a good time ragging on her. Fucking rich bitch princesses. Look at the BMW they were driving. Daddy's car no doubt.

"Fuck you looking at?" She shouted back. She could never just walk away. " You know how rude it is to point don't you girls?" She started to walk back in the direction of BMW at the gas pump. She stalked forward menacingly. "You wanna say something say it to my face!"

They stared open-mouthed not expecting her to confront them.  
"No," One of the young blondes managed to get out. They started to ignore her.

"No I heard something. Say it now, I wanna hear it. Hey look at me."

"The bitch is crazy." Another of the girls said insultingly.

"Get away from our car crazy bitch!"

"Thought you wanted to tell me something. What I look like a freak to you? That it?" They all looked away willing Serena to leave.

She wanted to pull their hair, key the car, kick the door and create a dent they'd have to explain to daddy. Instead, she took a deep breath and controlled herself. She clenched her fists channeling her anger. "Its a big world out there sweethearts many different types of people in it. You should really watch yourselves; you mess with the wong person you might regret it. I'm a pussy cat compared to some out there."

They didn't say anything as she turned to leave.

Mac leaned back against the rental car observing the confrontation. Cat fights excited him and that girl was piquing his interest. He knew her type. She thought she was real tough shit. Thought she could handle herself. Look at how she went at those sluts in the car. He hadn't had much fun lately; nobody new in town. She would be a real challenge. He knew it. Felt it would be different. But he was up for a challenge. He watched her cross the road, walking with attitude. He wanted to fuck that attitude right out of her and he knew he could do it. Leave her broken and begging him. _She won't be so tough then_.

It was almost dusk when she entered the bar. She felt at home immediately. All the years of touring gave her a comfort with small local bars and truck stops and tourist dumps like this.

She approached the counter already salivating for a shot of tequila. A few patrons sat in booths and few at the bar as the evening began. The guy behind the bar in the apron kind of looked like an old biker with his slicked back receding hair in a ponytail, white beard, tan rugged face.

"What can I get you?" she heard a thick Mexican accent.

"Shot of tequila and a room."

He raised his eyebrow then.

"My car its being fixed over at the garage and the guy said it might take a day or two."

He nodded and she saw something flash in his eye. Concern? Worry? He put her drink in front of her. She slammed it not even asking for salt and lime.

"One more thing, since I'm staying could I start like a tab with you for the room and drinks and stuff here? I like to pay for everything on one bill. I'm a musician and my label reimburses me for stuff like this." She lied, hoping he'd agree giving her time to figure out her money situation.

"Mac told you to come here you say? Mac said to get the room?"

She nodded."Til he fixes my car."

"If Mac sent you then sure. I can do that for you. I'm Walter by the way." He wondered if she'd even be alive to take care of a tab. He coud wave off a small amount of money if it kept Mac entertained for a while. He was starting to worry about his son going off the rails with pent up frustration. He needed him to focus on work keeping his drug supply coming. Having an indiscretion as Walter called it, once in a while helped with that, so Walter let it go. As long a the girl wouldn't be missed. This one didn't look like anyone important. Another straggler who wouldn't make it out of the canyons alive. It had been a while and Mac's attitude showed it.

_That was easy._

"Thanks a lot. In that case I'll take another." Serena said holding her shot glass out to him.

"If you need anything ask me." He put a room key down next to her shot feeling better about her being here.

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_How am I going to pay for a hotel room. Shit. Or food or drinks or anything._ She'd spent the last of her cash on gas and expected to be well on her way home by now. And she'd have to pay for whatever part Mac was ordering for the car.

As the night wore on she paced herself. She sipped on her beer trying to make it last, trying not to get wasted. She had to think. She assessed the patrons of the bar. Looking for easy marks. Drunk enough and careless enough to let her easily slip a wallet or two out from a purse or back pocket. It was easy in crowded bars. People were usually drunk and didn't question close contact.

She was so busy studying her marks she didn't notice Mac staring at her. He'd been watching her all night since he'd come in with his usual group of buddies. He'd been sitting at a table that had perfect view of the entire room so he could keep an eye on the girl. He kept waiting for her to notice him but she didn't, It was getting him frustrated. She was too concerned with her own problems to notice him literally eye fucking her. He wanted her to notice.

Serena stood and sidled up to the bar next to a guy whose wallet was visible rising out of his back pocket. He was clean-cut, short sandy hair, new dark jeans and a striped button down shirt; he looked like a tourist passing through. She ordered another shot and simultaneously bumped the guy's hip and touched his shoulder with her left hand. Meanwhile, her right hand lightly grasped the wallet inside his back pocket and fluidly slipped it into the waistband of her jeans. She looked at the guy and said "Sorry man" with a smile and took her drink. He gave her a look and she waited for the longest minute of her life, as her adrenaline rushed. The experience was always scary as hell and riveting. When he shrugged and turned away, she scooted into the ladies room to see what she scored. Nice. She had taken a packed wallet full of cash and credit cards. She put the cash almost three hundred bucks into her purse and left the credit cards. She sauntered back out and bent down as if to adjust her boot, casually leaving the wallet under the bar near its owner's feet. She decided not to push her luck, so she grabbed her flannel downed the rest of her beer and headed outside.

Mac saw her rip off the guy at the bar. He smirked and poured himself another shot of whiskey from the bottle in front of him._ Yeah she thought she was something, tough shit._ He tossed back the Jack. Still it took guts. Or desperation. Or just stupidity. He liked that. Any attitude played okay with him. Maybe a bit of all three- perfect. He'd show her what he could do to her. Build her up, then tear her down to nothing but a broken, weakened, bloody, bruised, begging doll. He was getting excited thinking of his knife on her. Carving and cutting into that lily-white skin. He stood and shifted his hardening dick.

Once outside, Serena breathed in the fresh air. She was proud of herself for not getting completely wasted and for scoring that cash. She looked at the moon. It was closer here in the desert . Suddenly she felt a strong arm around her waist jerk her back and a hand covered her mouth. She was pulled to the rear of the building. She started to panic as she heard the low raspy voice and felt breath hot against her ear. "I seen what ya did." She knew it was him. She smelled the same gasoline, sweat, whisky and cigarettes from earlier at the garage. The mechanic.

"Got yourself in a mess of trouble."

_Was he gonna call the cops?_

"What you a cop or something?" she mumbled under his hand knowing he wasn't. "Or a rat?"

He grunted and removed his hand from her mouth then put it around her throat. "So you're a tough bitch huh?"

"I do what I have to do." She gasped out as his hand tightened.

"Anything?"

She shrugged and felt his arm tighten around her waist, pulling her back against what she knew was his major hard on. The way he ground into her ass trying to relieve the pressure started her to moisten and automatically she pushed back against him rocking her hips causing him to stiffen even more and groan into her ear. She couldn't believe how wet he was making her. Neither could he when he suddenly took his hand from her neck and worked open the button and zipper of her jeans, breathing "Shhhh" against her ear. She should want to stop him.

"Fuck off, don't..." she protested half heartedly.

"Don't think you mean that" he chuckled. "So wet for me already huh? Tough girl not so tough now huh?" He'd show her what he could do to her body; get her hooked; make her want it... make her want him. The hypnosis of lust. Step one.

She whimpered.

He pressed his fingers hard against her pussy teasing her lips apart through the fabric of her panties. She felt him pressing on top of her clit, moving rhythmically, pushing inside the soaked panties and she knew he wanted to fuck her with his hand. By this time she wanted him to, too. She rotated her pelvis forward into to his touch. He knew she wanted him to continue. _They always did,_ he smirked. He had a talent. Giving them pleasure first then taking what he wanted made the taking sweeter. They didn't know what hit them when he finally struck.

His other hand left her waist and she felt him pull something from his pocket. Mac slid the cold steel blade of his knife down against her hip slicing the fabric of her thong. He pulled the ruined garment from her body and shoved it into his pocket never once letting up his rhythmic circling of her clit.  
Her body wanted this while her mind screamed at her to get out. She was done doing stupid things remember? She was trying to start over._ Fuck it, he felt so good._ She gave in completely to his ministrations and cooperated. She was so wet by this time that his fingers slid easily between her lips. As he scraped her clit with his fingertips, she jerked her hips to his rhythm. Then a finger forced its way into her hole, inside her pussy._ Oh, god, this is real sex. A guy I don't know is finger fucking me _in a parking lot. He penetrated her body pushing his finger into her cunt. She gasped and inhaled sharply when he added a second finger, in and out, harder and harder, so hard she was dizzy. She whimpered and closed her eyes feeling herself getting close. "Oh shit.." she murmured almost whining at being felt and fingered and fucked out in the open, visible, for anyone to see. He cupped her breast with one hand while the other continued its sweet torture. Sliding his fingers slowly, teasing her, withdrawing then plunging them right back, taking her closer and closer to the edge. And as the sensations rocking her got too much, just as she was about to fall right off the cliff. He stopped. He felt her clenching and knew she was about to cum.

"What the fuck. don't fucking stop" she gasped "not now..."

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? Tough girl getting a little too impatient, are you?" He said forcing a finger back in.

That and his husky, deep controlling voice made her orgasm crash into her with such force that her entire body bucked and she swore as she came hard; she spasmed, her pussy sucked his fingers inside her, wrapping them in her velvet heat and yet still aching. She panted and almost lost her footing as she rode out the aching pleasure. Mac couldn't believe how damn hard this girl came. She couldn't believe it either. Although it** had** been a well over a month since she'd had a guy. No illicit rehab romances this last time. He pulled his hand out and turned her finally to face him. He slowly licked her juices from his fingertips. "Damn you taste good tough girl. "

She was till panting when he stuck them in her mouth.

"Suck."

She complied, closing her lips around his index finger sucking it then ran her tongue over it pulling slowly backward. He let it slide from her mouth. He grunted approval. God he wanted her right now, but it wasn't time. He had plans for her. This one was different; she thought she was tough. _"I do what I have to do' she'd said. We'll see. _She was going to be fun to break. Hell he wished she'd given him some fight, but he was going easy on her now. He could just imagine what it would be like when she did fight and that kept his dick raging.

Suddenly Serena knelt in front of him and put her slender fingers on his belt. As she started to unzip him he realized what the bitch was up to. He backhanded her so hard across the face her body slammed to the ground. She lay on her side, confused, spitting out some bloody saliva. She looked up "Your turn, just paying you back, jesus. I can feel how hard you are."  
"You don't touch me 'less I say so. Fucking slut." He kicked her hip.

"Freak." She muttered. She felt a twinge of fear. What kind of guy would refuse a blow job?

She stood slowly zipping her jeans. She stepped out from behind the building just as the guy she'd robbed was leaving the bar.

"Hey, there you are! You're the bitch who robbed me!"

Fuck she was supposed to be back in her room out of site by now. She could deny it, she could run, but where to?

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"You're gonna give me the cash back and I'm calling the goddamn cops on you little whore thief."

Serena ran toward the rear of the bar where she'd just been with Mac. The guy followed and caught up grabbing her arm pulling her so she couldn't go any further.

"Get the fuck off me, I didn't take your damn wallet."

"Why are you running then, huh?" He shouted not noticing Mac in the shadow of the wall. He grabbed her shoulders. "C'mon" I 'm getting the cops down here."

Mac suddenly lunged forward like an attack dog right up in his face. "Said she didn't do it."

"People in the bar saw her. It was her all right." He managed to get out over his shock.

"Don't say? Even if they did, you best let it go, pretty boy." His voice was low and menacing, but had a taunting tone too. "If you was smart" he breathed hard and pushed the guy back with a shove of his shoulder went on "you'd make a run for it now, while you got the chance."

But of course Mac didn't give him a chance. Never intended to give him a chance. No one touches what was his or messed up his plans. He slammed the guy into the wall and pummeled him with an angry force Serena knew to be that meth rage. He kept going and going. Overkill. She was getting wet again just watching him. She couldn't look away from his strong arms drawing back punching, all the blood on his knuckles. The fact that she was the cause of his raw animal violence turned her on.

"Hey throw him down!"

Mac looked back. "Fuck you say?"

"On the ground."

Mac shrugged and threw the limp weakened guy to the ground. She approached and started kicking his head hard with her boots. The rage surged and she took out all her frustrations; she thought of everything they'd told her in rehab about how truly messed up she was, she thought of the girls from earlier. Mac watched as her black silver buckled motorcycle boots repeatedly slammed down onto his head and neck, with such force she became spattered with blood. The sight of blood on her arms and midriff mesmerized him; red streaks and splatters on the white skin of her abdomen made him smile and lick his lips repeatedly.

"Son of a bitch!" she said "call the cops huh? See what you get messing with me? Now you're sorry asshole!" she was muttering angrily. Finally she started to calm down and backed away from the bloody mess on the ground. Her rage subsided, she felt like he got what he deserved for threatening her.

"Think you killed him." Mac observed cooly, leaning against the building.

"Think we did."

She leaned back against the wall next to him as Mac asked "Now what you gonna do tough girl."

She felt panic rising when he asked that. How would she get rid of this body? She was going to prison for a long time. "Shit." She started to shake at the realization that she'd just killed someone and had let a stranger fingerfuck her to an orgasm in a parking lot. "Shit." she said again. She dug into her purse and found the leopard print pill box. She opened it and popped two 10 mg Valium, swallowing one and letting the other dissolve under her tongue for a faster effect.

Why did she let herself get so angry?_ Yeah this fresh start was going great. Tequila, valium, Mac:_ all three target behaviors fully engaged on her first day out of rehab. _Oh and don't forget murder. I guess I have new vice. _She looked over at the body on the ground.

Soon she felt the hazy everything's fine feeling take over dulling her fight or flight instinct. She'd had some fucked up one night stands before, but none that involved a dead body. That she knew of. Fuck...she wasn't drunk enough anymore. She watched Mac drag the body over to his truck and sling it up into the bed. He was taking care of it? He walked back toward her in a slow predatory manner. She was feeling the vallum.

"I'm saving your ass." He said it close, leaning in to her face, she smelled cigarette smoke and whiskey and the something vaguely rotten from his blackened teeth, no doubt, on his hot breath, "Y'know what that means don't ya? Means it **belongs** to me."

She stepped back but he gripped the back of her neck and squeezed hard. "Got it?"

She nodded.

"Say it." he growled squeezing harder.

"My ass is yours." She said it compliant.

"That's right. Along with everything else on you." His hands groped roughly over her breasts down her exposed abdomen and then cupped her crotch and rubbed gently, causing her to whimper slightly. He smiled. "Everything, don't forget it." His voice dripped sex and she felt herself wanting him again despite the menace he displayed. As usual her body defied her mind.

She nodded, slowly, staring into his eyes. He didn't like that. Didn't want that bitch looking in his eyes. He smacked her face.

"I say you could look at me?"

_What the fuck am I doing. Letting the guy talk to me like this? Hit me and I'm not hitting him back? She knew it was mostly the Valium but part of her felt drawn to him, like at the garage when she felt that pull. And he was taking care of the body he_**_ was_**_ saving her ass. No one ever did anything for her. Still it was the alcohol and the benzos, they put her in these situations. That's it. She was quitting tonight. She'd be out of this freaky town tomorrow. _Her mind raced despite its foggy haze.

Why wasn't she afraid before she took the pills, when he was getting her off? He said and did things that made her belly twitch and tighten and yet, he was so cold and hard to read. This was wrong, she knew it. She'd been in bad situations before because of drugs and men, but something told her this wasn't just bad this was deadly. She didn't like how he said he owned her because it didn't sound like a game it sounded like a threat.

"Get to your room. Stay out of site. Come to the garage in the morning." She watched him drive off, not really caring what he was going to do with the body.

Once back in the motel room, she decided to sleep it all off and get out of there in the morning car or no car. Hitchhike? Break down and call Ed her manager? She'd figure something out.


	2. Dismantle Me

**_*I appreciate the faves and follows and especially the reviews. You all rock!_**

**_*Special thanks to Jessa for giving this story the little promo on the Mac's Girls Tumblr page. I feel official now ;) What would we do without that page? _**

**_*This is n_****_ot a feminist chapter. _**Don't read if it's not your thing.

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First a shower then hopefully sleep. Serena took another Valium and tried to convince herself that none of it was so bad._ Ha._ She stripped her bloody clothing off along with her tough façade, and headed for the shower. She stood in a daze letting the warm spray rinse the blood from her skin. As she watched the pink water hit the white porcelain she began to shake and cry. She slid down, sat in the tub pulled her knees up and hugged them to her chest. _What do I do? What did I do? What do I do? What what what..._she felt sick sick to her stomach. _Should I call Eddie?_ He'd be pissed, pissed she was in another mess. I can't deal with him yet. _Everything is so fucked up_. No she had to do this on her own. _Do what? _

She kept seeing herself kicking the guy's head in, making the blood splatter up in almost pretty patterns on her boots even her arms. Did she like it? It diffused her anger better than anything else ever had in her life. The feeling of ultimate revenge on someone who'd fucked with her was an amazing endorphin rush. She scared herself sometimes. She huddled in the shower crying wishing someone would tell her what to do.

Her head started to bob and soon she was nodding off. She didn't feel the smooth porcelain of the tub anymore or the gentle rain of the water as she sank into sleep sitting under the shower.

She was unaware of how long she'd been passed out in the bathtub. Her head was pounding and stomach churning with sour bile. She stood swaying unsteadily and held the wall as she turned off the spray then wrapped herself in a towel. She dug through her duffel for clean underwear, a t-shirt and a bottle of water. She downed it hoping to ease tomorrow's headache. She climbed under the covers wishing morning would never come. She hated mornings because they always brought regret and confusion and decisions she never knew how to make. The cringe of the morning after always awaited her. To sleep forever was all she wanted. She curled up tight in a fetal position trying not to relive the night in her mind.

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Serena opened her eyes to daylight streaming through the cracks in the curtains. She almost forgot where she was, but only for a moment. She sighed, remembering she was supposed to wake up and get an early start to get out of here before Mac or anyone else noticed. _Like now. Get up now. _

She'd never been a morning person especially when suffering a murderous hangover. She experienced the full on cringe and recalled that she'd helped kill someone last night. She buried her head under the pillow. She remembered Mac's tone the night before when he said he owned her and felt a twinge of fear_. But he **wants** me. _ This wasn't about having some fun and getting a little nasty. _But he made me cum so goddamned** hard**._ She knew in her gut he was dangerous. Hell, he'd gotten rid of a dead body without blinking an eye. Like he'd done it before. Many times._ But he did it for **me.** For **me**. But but, but..._

When she started to make the same old excuses, she knew she had to get out. Things were different now. I'm _starting over, at least trying this time. No more believing warped twisted chivalry. Mac was no White Knight he was the Blackest Knight of all._

"There are consequences to every decision you make, every action you take." She heard the voice of her rehab counselor when she'd asked him why her life was so fucked up all the time. "So its my fault?" She'd shot back.

"Serena, you could say no once in a while." He'd answered. "To the substances. To the men."

She'd shaken her head. "They want me... they...really do..."

"The attention they give you doesn't mean they care or love you. Not all attention is good attention." He then made her write a list of her negative target behaviours and the consequences of engaging in them. So yeah, maybe some of it was her fault...but... shit. _ Nobody can be perfect all the time right?_ She was exhausted and didn't want to think about any of this anymore. Her head was pounding and she felt shaky from low blood sugar. The hangover was worse after being sober for almost a month. She decided to sleep just a little while longer. Maybe a half hour. She'd still have time to get out of here.

She awoke to a violent pounding on the door of the motel room. Looking at her phone on the table she saw the time was 5 pm. "Shit." she muttered knowing it was Mac. Fucked up again. She sat and pulled her knees up to her chest, waiting for him to go away. _Get up, move, do something! What is wrong with me?_

"Know you're in there little bitch!"

She hadn't shown up. Every hour Mac had waited at the garage increased his rage. But he'd waited. He'd given her a chance and she blew it. She was supposed to listen to him. He saved her ass, he owned her ass. She couldn't get away with it. Maybe nobody else in his life respected him but she damn well was gonna respect him. He'd teach her. Positive reinforcement last night. Negative today.

She felt a surge of fear._ Screwed up again. I was supposed to be long gone before he even knew it._ She didn't want to deal with this now. She placed her palms on her cheeks and dug her fingers into her closed eyes watching the red spots and streaks behind her lids dance. "Go away...Go away...Go away_" _She chanted softly, unable to think clearly yet. She rocked gently back and forth. He pummeled the door again. She started to sing softly in a childish voice. "Along came a big bad wolf, let me in...the pigs said..." She giggled "...not by the hairs of our chinny chin chin...so he huffed and puffed and blew the house in..."

Mac shouldered the door open with a loud crack of the wooden frame, breaking the cheap lock. She had just enough time to squint at the fading daylight before he banged it closed. She leapt off the bed and tried to make it to the bathroom and slam that door behind her but he was too fast. He grabbed her hair and yanked her to a stop pulling her back against his chest.

"Fucking sleeping beauty aint ya." He'd noticed her wearing only black bikini panties and a tiny kid's sized t-shirt. Her black and burgundy locks now wrapped around his fist were disheveled and tangled and and smudged black eyeliner giving her raccoon eyes. She looked like a hot fucked up mess.

"What are you running for?" He tugged on her hair forcing her head back stretching her neck so she was looking up at the ceiling. "Like running huh?" He pulled harder almost ripping strands from her scalp until she cried out in pain. "Weren't running away from me last night. Uh uh, couldn't get enough of me then." She smelled and felt his breath hot and sour as roughly licked her neck sloppily while his free hand snaked under her shirt and groped her breasts, pinching, twisting and flicking her nipples making her arch her back and rotate her pelvis automatically. Breathy whimpers escaped her throat.

"Can't get away from me." He muttered. Serena moaned and grasped the material of his coveralls at his waist and pulled his hips forward pushing her ass back into his already sizeable erection as the throbbing ache between her legs completely took over her mind. Fear switched to desire in an instant as it always did for her. As he rubbed his thumbs over her nipples the direct line of sensation to her clit she felt the high of arousal rising with he flush on her skin. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she had just about surrendered to the agonizing slow burn of anticipation when Mac sank his teeth into the soft tender skin between her neck and shoulder behind her collar-bone. "Fuck!" she shouted and tried to pull away but his hold was too strong. The sudden switch from pleasure to pain cause her stomach to drop and air to rush from her diaphragm. "Fuck..." she said again softly. He sucked the blood sending shivers down her spine. When removed his mouth she felt the warm sticky trickle of blood and his saliva drip down her shoulder.

Before she had time to ask what he was doing there, he spoke, "Told you to come to the garage today."

He grabbed her shoulders and spun her around. He ran his tongue over his teeth savoring the taste of her blood.

She put her hand up to the wound and squeezed the torn flesh it making it sting all over again.

When she didn't answer, he grasped the front of her shirt backhanded her and threw her into the wall making her bounce off it and stumble, falling to the floor, too shocked to right herself. _He hit so hard I see stars. He hit so hard I see God. Just one big shiny flash. God. Oh set me straight tonight. God. Look at the pretty lights..._she started humming softly and started to see double when Mac's work boots stomped toward her face.

"Gave you plenty of time too...fucking ungrateful bitch." He leaned over her crumpled figure. "I've a mind to call the cops on you after all. Got myself a thief and a murderer." He paused. "And a dead body to fucking prove it." He licked his lips and grinned.

'Thought you got rid of it." She managed to get out.

"It's somewhere I can get it if I need to. If you keep being so stupid."

She noticed how much angrier he seemed than last night. She figured beating that guy half to death had been a release for his rage. Maybe she was the release today? She was torn between wanting to fight back, say something smart, kick him in the balls anything, but she had the sense that she'd lose. She wouldn't win in a physical confrontation with him. And losing would be more dangerous than anything he might do now. She bit her tongue and clenched her fists. She'd try to play it cool at least for now. If she saw away out she'd take it._ Right? That's what I should do. Right? I shouldn't want this... want him. I know I shouldn't. Girl you need to do the right thing for a change._

"Try this again. What did I say to you last night?"

"Come to the garage?" She answered not looking at him remembering his slap from last night when she met his gaze. _Try not to piss him off more, _she thought to herself.

He reached down and yanked her back to her feet nearly wrenching her arm from the socket. "Didn't do it did ya?"

He pinned her body to the wall with his own reigniting the fluttering in her belly he'd started a few minutes earlier. She couldn't control it. Its waves rushed her at his slightest touch. She felt the sexual heat and tension radiating off him and wanted to grab him and pull him even closer; to have him crush and smother her body with his.

"What else did I say? This one's real important tough girl, think hard 'fore you answer." He narrowed his eyes.

"That you own me."

"Good. That means you do what I tell you when I tell you to. Or you'll be sorry. You know what sorry means don't ya?"

He grabbed her face, squeezed her cheeks painfully and moved her head up and down in a nodding motion saying 'Yeah Mac I know what sorry means," He spat it at her, taunting and threatening her simultaneously. "So no more bullshit!" He roared the last part but shoved his hand inside her panties knowing she'd be wet. He felt her swollen clit and pulled on it making her jerk forward with a gasp. He chuckled bitterly then kneed her hard into her crotch causing her to shriek at the sudden change once again from pleasure to pain. "Can't get away from me." He muttered again more to himself that to her. He stepped back and stared hard at her.

"Fucking bastard!" She hissed at him. "What the fuck?" Now her anger was getting harder to control. "Asshole!"

He backed away from her and ran his hands through his messy dirty blonde, slightly greasy locks and licked his lips. He deliberately turned and started walking away from her, counting to ten under his breath waiting, knowing it would come…

Serena figured she had one chance. She had to knock him out. _Its what I should do right? Try to get away?_ She grabbed the bedside table lamp ripping the plug from the wall socket and lunged at him but he expected the attack so when the cheap piece of porcelain made contact with his shoulder he pushed it off dismissively and it hit the floor shattering. She slammed her body against his not expecting to feel like she hit a solid brick wall.

"So fucking tough aren't ya?" He picked her up by her waist and threw her backward on the bed. "That was stupid." He approached with a predatory gait yanking opening the blue coveralls with each step. "I was gonna go easy on ya the first time, but you don't deserve it." He shrugged the garment off his shoulders and pushed it down with his boxers. He didn't even bother to remove his filthy wifebeater.

Climbing on top of her, he pushed the head of his cock up tight against her panty covered mound. She felt that twinge of fear again, he was not right, not right in the head. She was feeling almost schizophrenic, wanting him one minute then feeling fear the next. Her fight or flight mechanism was short circuiting.

"I'm gonna fuck you now tough girl." He growled quietly leaning over her, putting his weight on his forearms on either side of her.

_You could say no Serena. You should say no. You shoudn't want this. _

"I feel like shit, I don't want to do this now." She pleaded trying to push him off. "I'm hungover ... Look I 'll suck your dick..."

"After what you just pulled, I don't give a fuck what you want now, you little whore and I'm gonna make it hard on you." He moved back rucking her shirt up and off over her head.

_See, I can't say no... I can't say no. See...it's not my fault... it's not...he wants me...**me.**_

She decided to switch gears and became defiant knowing she wouldn't stop him. "Maybe I don't like it easy." Serena shot back._ It's not my fault..._

He smirked, it was the time to test her limits. He bit down hard on her nipple and she bucked up off the bed hard slamming her abdomen into his.

"Fuck you! What the..."

He swung his hand back in the air and slapped the bitch's face. "You like that, bitch? You like it?"  
She looked at him and he hit her again. "What did I tell you about looking at me?" He asked huskily. The sound of his raspy gutteral words and burn of the slap on her cheek made her body betray even more. Smiling with lust, blood on her split lip, she slapped him back. She'd wanted to hit him since the first minute she saw him.

_Fuck is she smiling for?_

"Don't bother to fight. You aint gonna win. I'm too pissed at you to play games now." This was all about him. Before she had time to enjoy the slap he grabbed her hips and flipped her on her stomach and ripped her panties off, snapping the elastic band so it cut painfully into her flesh drawing blood before it broke. God that man could move fast; he slammed the entire length of his raging dick into her at once, driving in all the way to the base of his shaft. She cried out in pain; she wasn't wet enough and his size was not easy to adjust to.

"Good bitch, I want it to hurt. " He groaned thrusting in forcefully with anger. "Didn't... fucking... Listen…" He was sick and tired of not being listened to. He'd had it with feeling powerless and being pushed around by Walter. He pumped harder and heard her try to stifle a scream. Harder still. He was sick of being treated like a slave and errand boy, tired of cleaning up everybody's messes, tired of watching his brother get everything that should have been his. Everyone thinking he was stupid worthless, no good. Mac never got anything. That's why when he told a woman he owned her he meant it. That's when Mac got what he wanted. Every pissed off thought was accompanied by powerful thrust of his cock battering her cervix.

She whimpered again registering discomfort but he noticed she had slightly raised her ass, giving him easier access to her cunt letting him know she wasn't resisting, but she didn't want to give him her body willingly either.

_What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?_ He thought but her shift in position made her feel even tighter around his throbbing erection and he just grunted at how good she felt.

Serena adjusted to the pain and began to feel her body responding. She was used to rough sex; being pushed around and submitting made her feel wanted, needed and good at something. In some way it was her comfort zone. After hitting her deep for a minute, he placed his hands around the tops of her thighs, and pulled her up higher on her hands and knees. With her ass raised in the air he shoved her face down into the mattress smothering her. He held her down enjoying her struggle to breathe. He yanked her head up with a fistful of hair and she gulped in as much air as she could before her slammed her face back into the bed once again suffocating her. After a few more rounds he let Serena turn her face just enough to breathe. He leaned back slightly wanting to see what her pussy, the one he owned, looked like in this position. He pulled out then grabbing his cock shaft, guided it towards her opening. Once it was pressing tight against her slit, he rammed in hard and fast watching it disappear into her.

" Uuuuhhhh" she moaned.

Holding her steady, Mac began pumping into her cunt. It was even better than he'd imagined. "So fucking tight." He muttered. In this position he got better penetration and had all control. He slammed his cock in deep and hard again battering her cervix with every thrust and letting her feel his balls slapping against her clit. Watching himself pumping into her cunt was bringing him closer to orgasm with each stroke. Serena's breathing was faster and deeper than before, and he sensed she was enjoying this. He didn't want her to. Not this time anyway.

"Uh uh bitch" he grunted, "No you don't. Don't you fucking think of cumming. I'm gonna fuck you good and hard, you little cock teaser. Won't fucking walk for a week." He said, as he dug is fingers into her hips leaving red marks that would eventually turn blue then purple and pulled her flush against his chest, driving deeper into her. He was now violently pulling her back and forth against him, basically using her body to jack himself off.

"Oh fuck..." she moaned, as her ass slammed against his crotch. He reached around and massaged her clit circling it rhythmically. "Like this tough girl don't ya? But you don't get to cum less I say so bitch. An' I know you want it... want me bad don't ya..." He grunted and groaned the words.

She nodded and sighed, "Mmmm, uh huh I want you...make me cum please..."

When He felt her start to clench around him and shudder he pinched her clit hard; the excruciating pain held no pleasure for her. Then he viciously slapped it to make sure she wouldn't climax. She shrieked at the pain he inflicted on her sensitive nub.

That did it for him, hearing her cry out in true pain pushed him over. "Here it comes ya whore, nasty slut!" he said as hot seed flooded her cunt. He pulled out then pushed her roughly forward face down on the bed. As he watched his cum dripping from her pussy and down the backs of her legs he reached up between them and scooped some up into his fingers.

"Turn around." He ordered. She lay there ignoring him.

He grabbed a handful of her tangled hair and yanked her up turning her body toward him. "Fuck!" she shouted feeling like he could rip her hair from her scalp. She kneeled in front of him and he let her look at him as he stuck his cum covered fingers in her mouth. He was surprised at her placid expression. Like she felt right at home.

"That's what my cum tastes like" He said. " You better get used to it, because next time you'll be sucking it right from my cock."

"You fucking raped me," she said calmly after pulling her lips off of his fingers. Then she wrapped her lips back around then and bit down hard on his forefinger. His pain tolerance was so high it barely registered.

"Bitch!" he slapped her again. "Oh no tough girl, it aint rape cause I own you and can do whatever I want to you, you cock sucking whore. Fucking tramp. Anything."

He licked the blood from hs finger surprised she looked so emotionless? He thought she'd be harder to break. She hadn't even** tried** fight him at all while he fucked her. Didn't complain about not getting off herself or the pain. He was wrong about her. She wasn't what he thought. Was she even worth killing? It was like she wanted him to fuck her up, and that was not how he liked to play. Sure he wanted her to obey him, listen to him, do whatever he wanted, but not without a fight. He was supposed to break the bitch first. Fuck's sake.

"You can't hurt me any more than I hurt myself. " She said, her voice steady, as if answering his question.

_What the fuck? No fun at all sorry bitch this one_.

Serena saw a disgusted, disappointed look cross Mac's face. It was directed at her and she read it like a page from her own book. She fell in love with guys who gave her that look; men who hated her and treated her like shit. Who threw her away so fast. He might be truly dangerous but she reveled in the way he treated her.

"You're leaving?" She asked as he pulled his coveralls back on. He didn't answer. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. He turned his back to her and took a long drag. His movements were slow, measured and deliberate. He had exhausted his rage and sexual frustration for the moment. The ony time he felt somewhat calm. But it never lasted.

"Don't go, c'mon stay. Sorry about the garage before...c'mon get a drink with me."

He didn't answer but turned around toward her. She looked up at him her gaze deep and dark and wanting. Wanting him. He stepped back. _No fucking way. _But he didn't make her stop, not yet_. _She looked delicate and damaged with all the black shit smudged around those haunting eyes against her ghost white face and bruised bloody lips. He hadn't really looked at her last night not like this. He could get lost in those eyes if he let himself. They led somewhere he knew well. He recognized something... something in her eyes. He moved his focus to his bite mark above her shoulder bruising already; it was so deep and defined that he wanted to suck on it again, trace his own teeth marks with his tongue and lick off the crusted blood. Then he caught her eyes still staring so dark and mesmerizing. He felt unsettled and Mac didn't like to feel unsettled._ She's trying to get in my head, tell me what to do, what to think, goddamn bitch think she knows me..._

"Don't fucking look at me!" He roared. "I'll close your eyes so you'll never open 'em again."

He took another drag on the cigarette and shook the thought from his mind replacing it with the thought of his tin of powder in the truck. That'd get rid of any of the shit starting in his head.

"Thought I was yours?" She said when he still didn't answer.

That did it. He **was** wrong about her.

He grunted, spit and narrowed his eyes at her. Blazing blue hatred. "Changed my mind. Your car'll be ready in the morning. First thing, then **get your sorry ass outa here**." _And those fucking eyes, get them far away from me.._

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

After Mac left, Serena sat naked on the bed contemplating all that had happened in the past 24 hours. She knew she should be relieved that she'd seemed to have ruined whatever sick plans Mac had for her. She could head on home tomorrow and get back on track. Just another chapter for the memoir she told herself. Still she felt the burning sting of rejection and the abyss of loneliness. Part of her felt disappointed that he changed his mind. What happened? What had she done to disappoint him? Even though he was a violent, cruel son of a bitch he had **wanted her**. Now suddenly he didn't. Deep down she felt he was different from the other men she'd fucked with and who'd fucked with her and that he didn't have any limits. But she didn't care. She could rationalize. It's what you do get through shit. Shit you want that you're not supposed to want. Shit you know is wrong for you. You rationalize. They had given her the definition in her analysis. She was a master rationalizer.___ It's a defense mechanism in which perceived controversial behaviors or feelings are logically justified and explained in a rational or logical way to avoid any true explanation, and are made consciously tolerable – or even admirable and superior – by plausible excuses and encourages irrational or unacceptable behavior, motives, or feelings and often involve hypothesizing. This process ranges from fully conscious to mostly subconscious to create a block against internal feelings of guilt._

He must have thought she was special, different. Right? Beautiful? He had picked her for a reason but she'd done something to ruin it. He'd thrown her away just like they all did. Maybe he wasn't so different after all. _When they get what they want then they never want it again. _

She sucked on two Valium, letting the bitter blue powder dissolve on her tongue so the numbing confidence it gave her rushed her system. What had she done wrong? Fuck him. He wanted her to go, fine she'd go._ At least someone is telling me what to do. _

_Go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to. Go on, take everything, take everything, I dare you to..._

When she closed her eyes all she could see was his blazing blue hatred. She pinched the bruises he'd made on her thighs. She punched the black and blue hand print he'd left on her bicep from yanking her around. She refreshed the pain he caused her and absorbed the blazing blue hatred.

_It might as well hurt. It might as well, it might as well._


	3. I Will Be Your Hero And Your Whore

Mac sat in his truck his gaze shifting from the window of her room the tin of meth open in his hand.

_It didn't always have to be this way. What the fuck? Of course it did. __They didn't always have to hate, you despise you wish you were dead._

That's how he wanted it. He takes and it's no fun to take when they wanna give it to you. _Right?_

She wasn't disgusted with him. Why not? Every woman was disgusted with him, hell all the fucking whores and lizard lots in the area were disgusted with him. Yeah they liked it when he made them cum, oh they loved that, but then they'd look at him like he was lowest piece of scum on earth. Fucking eyes judging him. Bitches thinking they knew him. That's why he killed them closed their fucking eyes for good. He murdered the self-righteousness out of the them, all the judgment they cast on him. Stupid bitches thought they were better than him. _I fucking showed all of 'em. Fight all you want high and mighty stuck up bitches. You'll never win._

Serena didn't look at him like that. She didn't act like she was better than him.

Fucking girl was crazy. Crazier than him?_ Goddamn eyes._ He palmed his cock through his coveralls thinking of her eyes and the look on her face when she asked "You're leaving?"

No one had ever asked that; they fucking told him to leave, fucking tried to kick him out. Fucking looked at him with fear and disgust and loathing that told him they never wanted to see his sorry ass again. Which is how he liked it. _Right?_ He left them alright, usually gutted, carved up and bleeding out in the dirt. He snorted and smiled at the thought.

Why didn't she look at him like that? Why did he let her look at him during that brief moment before he caught himself and ordered her to stop.

Fuck he remembered how good she felt how she gasped for breath when he shoved her head down in the bed, how she fucking took everything he gave her. She didn't even cum. She didn't try to make herself cum either. She took everything and was ready for more?_ Are you leaving?_

He rubbed the bitter powder across his gums and began to feel the surge of energy, the clarity the drug brought him.

He pulled her ruined panties from his pocket where he'd shoved them the night before. He held them to his face and inhaled her scent. There was something about pushing her, seeing how much she could take before he wiped the smile off her face. How much would she do for him? Thinking about how good it felt when he'd held her up and just rammed her down on him made his growing erection uncomfortable. He shifted in his seat. "Fuckin bitch," he grunted, easing his leaking cock out rubbing it to spread the wetness down the entire shaft. He held it loosely and started massaging slowly up and down the hardness as warm pre-cum continued to ooze out over the wet head. He switched back and forth between slow and fast stroking in order to keep from cumming, knowing the longer he held off the better the climax would be. He shoved her panties in his mouth and bit down hard imagining it was the soft flesh of her neck and began to jerk himself off in earnest. He heard his hand slapping his balls on each downward stroke. He kept thinking about Serena wanting him to fuck her; wanting him to hurt her and what else she'd let him do to her. He saw his knife against that porcelain skin, slicing and drawing blood. He made patterns, pictures with the blood on her smooth flesh with the tip of his knife like a torturous paint brush; she was letting him, holding still for him, so he could take his time. "Shit!" he hissed between his teeth into the black fabric. His stomach muscles tensed, his knee hit the steering wheel and Mac's whole body shook. His growl was muffled by her black lace thong still clenched in his teeth as his orgasm hit hard. He furiously stroked and arcs of cum started jetting out of his cock. As the shakes started to roll over him, he removed her panties from his mouth and he let out a long sigh until all the air had left his lungs. He sat there gasping for about a minute until he felt steady again. He cleaned himself off with her panties and tucked his softening cock back into his coveralls. He had supply orders to fill waiting at the cave. Fuck Walter. He decided to go home and feed his dog, change, maybe come back for a drink. It had been a long day. Fuck Walter.

He turned the key in the ignition and the truck roared to life. He pulled out ono the road, dust flying up behind his wheels.

As he stared at the emptiness through the windshield, he felt unsettled again by the fact she wanted him. He wiped more powder across his gums. Now that he was sexually sated for the moment he could think clearly. She was too fucked up. He was right to send her packing tomorrow.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

_I'm not sitting in this fucking room all night._ She wanted a drink; several drinks. She wanted to forget Mac, forget this place. He wanted her to leave, fine she'd go._ Asshole._ But she needed money to pay Walter, pay for the car repair, gas, food, motels the list went on. The three hundred bucks from last night was not going to cut it. She needed to score some more cash. She decided to fix herself up and head over to the bar. She took a quick shower then thew on a black stretch miniskirt snd usual tight threadbare t-shirt that showed her black push up bra underneath. She opened the pill box and was about to take two Valium, when suddenly her phone rang. She didn't recognize the number but answered anyway.

"Serena?" A man's voice asked.

"Yeah, who's this?" She snapped the case shut.

"Rich Trainer from Arbor. You missed your check in call with me today. I'm checking in on you, like we talked about?"

"Oh, yeah Rich hi, that 's right its….Tuesday right. Is it Tuesday?" She was supposed to call her rehab counselor today.

"Are you home yet?"

"No..I had a little car trouble, so I'm still in Utah actually waiting for it to get fixed."

"I see, well any NA meetings near you?"

She laughed then stopped herself knowing he was serious. She didn't say anything.

"Serena? Are you still there?"

_Fuck it._ "Rich I fucked up."

"What's wrong" What happened?"

"Everything that could have. Let's just say I didn't waste any time getting back into my triple threat."

"You sound like you're sorry about it."

"Its bad this time. I really fucked up. There this guy and I… he's..." _I helped murder somebody._

"Serena why don't you come back. You're not ready. I didn't want you to leave before your treatment officially ended, you know that."

His voice was so sympathetic, so caring."

"You think I should? Really?"

"Yes definitely. You'd made so much progress. You don't have to let the past day erase all that."

"Rich I don't know...maybe this is just who I am. This guy beat the shit out of me and I let him….I liked it. He practically raped me and I let him... I liked that too. Face it there's something wrong...I'm not supposed to like shit like that. YOU told me that. There's something seriously wrong with me."

"Serena…"

"Could I be beyond help? Maybe I can't be fixed?"

"Serena this is good, you are recognizing you made a mistake. You wouldn't have done that a month again don't you see that?"

"You think?"

"Yes, I do. Remember what I told you about being a survivor? About making mistakes? It's not the screw ups that define you it's what you do with them."

"It's not too late?" She asked sounding like a little girl.

"No. Now can you head back here tonight, your room is waiting."

"Not tonight, but my car will be ready in the morning, I can leave first thing, be there by the afternoon."

"Good. It's the right thing to do."

"It is isn't is? I want it to work this time."

"I know you do. You are so much stronger than you think. Use that anger of yours to benefit you for a change. Get mad at the situation and change it."

"Yeah, I can do that."

"And Serena, stay sober. That's the key. When you are clear-headed you are a different woman."

"Thanks Rich I will. And I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Maybe she could change. It had been a lifetime of feeling like she was just...born this way. Born a fuck up.

Serena remembered the time she'd read a list of warning signs in the newspaper-if you have any of these ten symptoms you should immediately seek out a mental health care professional. Instead of scaring her it had actually been therapeutic. the best laugh she' d had in a long time. Far from being a cause for alarm, each supposed red flag had been a comfortable part of her routine.

She'd be hanging out with the guys in her band in a club or at a press event and looking around say 'all these people want to make me go home and slash my wrists'. Then she'd laugh out loud and give a delighted sidelong glance. They'd laugh too, just figuring that was Serena with her macabre sense of humor. Once in a while they'd get into conversations about suicide but she didn't want to scare them so she always held back. Maybe it was time to get past all that?

She sighed; being sober sucked. She couldn't turn off her mind. That's why she'd go back to Arbor facility and try again. She didn't want to feel this way anymore.

She grabbed her haircutting shears and stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She cut her dark bangs in a clean sharp line over her eyes squared at the temples. The rest of her hair fell shiny and straight over he shoulders and down her back._ I look like myself again. _She dumped the remainder of the Valium down the toilet and flushed. Forcing herself to ignore any twinges of regret trying to fight through her resolve.

She expertly covered the bruises on her cheekbone and abrasions around her mouth with makeup. All Mac's work on her face was hidden with concealer and powder. She lined her eyes in black kohl like she'd done every day since she was 13 years old.

She knew the bruises on her upper arms were visible but didn't care. She stepped into her engineer boots grabbed her purse and walked over the Luna Mesa. It was late enough that there was a crowd similar to the night before.

When she approached the bar Walter poured her a shot of tequila before she even asked.

"Thanks. But, do you have any coffee? " She asked determined to get back on track. The past twenty-four hours were a slip up. _It's what I do from here that counts._

"Of course." He turned and in a moment was back putting a hot cup of coffee beside the shot glass.

"I'm leaving first thing in the morning, so I can take care of that tab then, okay?" She slid the glass back toward him. Out of sight out of mind.

"You're leaving?" He sounded surprised.

"Yeah, Mac told me the car would be ready in the morning. Guess he got that part in. " She said quietly. She gazed mesmerized by the taxidermy wolf behind the bar. A dead trophy. A dead trophy.

She headed to a booth to be alone and start scoping out a mark. She needed money If she was gonna leave in the morning. Although little insecurities were fighting for her mind space she liked feeling clear headed and without the benzo haze she felt more determined than ever to get back on track. Like the day she'd left the Arbor Rehab facility.

She had an album to write. She had a tour coming up. _Eyes on the prize Serena._ Rich was right, when she was sober she was different woman.

The group of college girls suddenly entered the bar. All legs, teetering like gazelles on stiletto and platform heels wrapped in skin-tight colorful designer micro dresses showing off very expensive boob jobs. Not chop shop work for these princesses. Small expensive brand name purses slung casually over bare shoulders the shiny gold chains straps accentuating their tanned skin. The same ones from the garage the other day. They must be renting a house somewhere in the scenic canyons spring break or whatever. Hiking, tanning the good life? Serena didn't get to go to college not that she wouldn't have liked to. Still she hid her disappointment with disdain. College was nothing but a big waste of time she told herself. She'd been out living her life. She was out of the house at 17 supporting herself. She never had daddy to take care of her.

She watched them striding, legs stretching for miles above those impractical, pretty shoes. She thought again of gazelles- prey in the bloodsport of life. They seemed so physically vulnerable. She never wore shoes she couldn't run in.

They sat at a table and called Walter over to take drink orders. The swung their shiny blonde perfectly highlighted hair as they talked and laughed. Their locks were naturally full and wavy, no extensions, Serena could tell. That type of girl got everything. The cheerleaders and prom queens who still managed to be valedictorian then went on to be the sorority girls and edit fashion magazines and run cosmetic companies until they got bored and settled into lives as trophy wives. They snickered at her as they noticed her glancing at them. They recognized her too. Two types of wild animals not quite sure who was the predator and who was the prey. It depended on the situation.

As far back as she could remember it had always been like this. There had always been girls like that and then there had been girls like her. She was born this way. She sipped her coffee. It was black and strong like the thoughts she was having. Memories always black, always stronger when she was sober.

_Serena was bad. Everyone in school knew it. So bad that when she walked down the hallways at school the whispers and stifled giggles preceded her like a hurricane. She wore black pleather miniskirts and black vinyl lace-up boots, her hair was dyed jet black except when it was fire engine red. She wore her boyfriend's faded denim jacket because it matched the eyeshadow she wore in wings above her cat eyed liner._

_She was so bad she cracked her gum, talked back to everyone teachers and policemen alike. She smoked in front of her__ crazy Jesus freak _mama, swore at her step father when he was around and carried a foil wrapped condom in her wallet before most other girls thought it was acceptable to do so. She was the Devil's girl. Her mama told her again and again. 

_She was so bad. As bad as her grades, as bad as her marks of abuse; worse than they all thought. But she didn't care what they thought. She didn't care when she got caught shoplifting nail polish and earrings from Rite Aid. She cared about her appearance then and now in the same way strippers and rock stars do they were basically the same thing anyway._

_She was so bad. Born this way._

She glanced one last time at the giggling girls, all pink and gold and pretty as she stood and approached the bar and sidled up to a guy with a big fat black wallet practically falling out of his back pocket.

Mac entered the Luna and though it was more crowded than usual he spotted her right away, leaning on the bar, talking to some guy. He was surprised to see her out of her room after what he'd done to her only a couple hours before. She was wearing the tightest fucking clothes he'd ever seen. Slut. He thought she looked good in those skin-tight black jeans yesterday, but the short skirt she had on now hugged her hips and ass and he swore if he was close enough he could see the bruises he put on her thighs. Black and blue purple-red. He'd marked her. But, he stopped himself. He was letting her go. Didn't matter. Was that prick t_ouching her? Fuck, his hand on her arm _right on the fresh bruise Mac made so recently made his blood boil. He saw what she was up to.

When Serena leaned her palm on the pretty boy's chest and tilted her head up at him seductively, all thoughts of sending her packing left his mind and thoughts of murder took over. Murder that guy then murder her. Bitch rubbing it in his face. He stormed toward them. Didn't matter he might be letting her go she was still in town for the night, still his for the night. Mac stormed the bar and grabbed the young guy by his shoulders yanking him backward to face him.

"Missing something?" He grabbed the wallet tucked in Serena's waistband and held it up. "Stupid son of a bitch aint ya." He tossed it on the bar.

"Mac! What the fuck?" Serena yelled and she jumped back, almost knocking her bar stool over. He let go of the man's shoulders and shot her a hateful glance that said 'this is your fault'.

"Maybe we oughta call Harley?" He asked Walter. "Pratt? what ya think?"

He turned back to the guy. "You might wanna press charges I heard she's done this before."

"Harley?" Serena caught her breath and asked.

"Sheriffs deputy." Walter filled her in.

"Touching my girl huh?" Mac breathed angrily into the guy's face and stepping into him added. "Aint you a brave one? Stupid son of a bitch though." His low thick voice was menacing as he threatened the guy and Serena felt a twinge between her thighs.

"Easy partner, she didn't say anything about a boyfriend. " The guy stepped back hands out trying to defuse the situation.

"She didn't did she? Good cause that aint exactly what I call it." He smirked with disgust at the word and glared back at her. The guy took that opportunity to take a swing at Mac who caught his arm and in one fast fluid motion twisted it behind his back and slammed his chest down on the bar.

The violence and the fact that it was over her made her squirm on her seat and her breath caught in her throat. Moving his hand to the back of his victim's neck he was about to smack his face into the hard wood bartop when Walter suddenly held up a baseball bat.

"Mac!" Walter caught his son's attention. "You don't wanna do that son." He said. Mac stepped back, hands up, glaring at Walter.

"And yeah I'd like that deputy down here..." the guy said brushing himself off. Mac wasn't worried about Harley, shit he'd been bluffing to scare Serena, but even if he was coming didn't matter. Walter ran the town anyway. Harley couldn't do shit.  
"Yeah, well lets call him then." Mac said almost as a dare.

While Mac was focused on Walter, Serena backed up slowly and headed to the rear of the room looking for an exit. There wasn't one._ Shit. Fucking Mac what the fuck? S_he had no way to escape and the fucking cops were coming. She had nowhere to go but the ladies room.

When Mac turned back she was gone. He glanced at Walter who motioned to the bathrooms. Then said "Take care of this son."

Mac's scowl said _what the fuck do you think I'm doing old man_. But he didn't say it out loud.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Serena was breathing heavily, shaking. What the fuck was that? He was through with her, he'd said so himself. What did he care if she was scamming a few wallets. She needed money to get out-of-town what he told her to do. Now he was just fucking with her. _Asshole_. What was he doing still calling her his...but she couldn't deny her body was in sexual overdrive at the moment. She was wet and pulsing and she knew it was wrong; it was going to be trouble. That's why she was hiding in the cramped bathroom, hoping he'd leave.

In her shock she hadn't locked the door behind her and before she knew it he was there, leaning into her. when he latched the door it sounded louder than she knew it actually was.

"Fuck you doing? Real short memory huh? "He squeezed the back of her neck and panted it into her ear. "I should kill you for what you just did. Hanging all over that guy you dirty little whore."

She spun around to face him wanting to get out of this, get away from him. She didn't look away from his murderous glare. She didn't care that he'd probably knock her unconcious for her insolence. "You told me to go, remember? Who's got a short memory? Told me to get out of town first thing tomorrow. How am I supposed to do that without money. You fucking ruined it for me you..." She stopped and said what really pissed her off. "You don't want me anymore remember! You threw me away so fuck you!"

Suddenly the blazing blue hatred in his eyes and the heat from his body so close to hers overpowered her. She wanted him, wanted him badly. Everything seemed to go out of focus. She was alone in a private haze of desire and nothing else was going to stand in her way. None of Rich's words made any sense to her in this moment. As though she was sleepwalking or a zombie slavishly obeying a command with no idea what she was going to say or do or even how she got there she found herself grabbing his biceps. She used all her strength to pull him against her and clutched his face between her hands. She pulled his lips onto hers and shoved her tongue between his teeth tasting bitter crystal meth. She bit his lower lip hard and sucked the blood she drew. He shuddered pulling her hips forward against his raging hard on. Her initiation exited him more than he wanted to admit. She opened her legs and rode his thigh, for a few seconds grinding into him. If she kept it up she'd come right there.  
"No. No.. No, no…" She tried to pull back, suddenly seeing herself from outside her body as if she were watching the scene from above, knowing it was wrong. "Get the fuck away from me."

He gripped her tighter. "Uh uh. You started this tough girl."

She hit his chest and tried to push him off.

"Uh uh.."he growled and yanked her skirt up around her waist. He shoved her thong aside and started to play with her clit with one hand, while he slipped a finger inside with his other hand knowing how to gain control. There was a little sting, but that quickly melted away into pleasure. She stopped struggling and protesting and leaned forward in to his chest. He was going in and out slowly at first, but steadily increasing his tempo and curling his forefinger to tease her g spot.

"Please put another one in..." she begged.

He gave a mean chuckle. "Why should I? Don't listen to me."_ More, she wanted more_

"I do..I was gonna leave, gonna do that you told me... I needed money….I was going…. please ..." She panted and whined.

"Like it when you beg. Good girl."

"Please I need more, I want more..."

"From who?"

"From you...unnnnnh... please...""

"Damn right you do and only me right?"

She nodded against his neck and "uh huh."

It was so tight, he could barely get it in, but her juices were flowing, so it lubed right up. He picked her up, and sat her on the sink. She threw one leg over his shoulder to give him deeper access. She moaned as his finger fucking became more furious. He wanted to taste her again, so he leaned forward and began kissing the inside of her thighs, working his way higher until his lips were on her snatch. His scruff tickled her inner thighs.

"Wha..what are you doing?" She managed to gasp.

"Gonna let you have your turn and you're gonna love it. Gonna beg me for it. "_ Build her up._ "Want it bad don't you slut?"

He made circles with his tongue around her clit, and then would lightly flick it, sending a jolt of pleasure through her body and making her breath come fast. He couldn't help how much he loved the taste of her. He'd been wanting it again since the parking lot. She threw her head back and couldn't control the noises she made deep in her throat. He looked up "Say it."

"Unnnnh.. make me cum.. please...I can't.. can't take anymore..." Being completely sober increased the sensation and blood flow to her pussy and the intensity of Mac's ministrations were almost too much for her.

The insides of her highs were drenched and so was his face, as he continued to work her over with his tongue and fingers. She could feel a volcano of an orgasm about to erupt. She moaned hard and shook violently. When she came, a small jet of liquid shot out and covered Mac's face. He stepped back. "Lick it off. He ordered.

She was shaking and her heart was thumping and skipping beats in her chest as she slipped down from the sink and did as she was told. She ran her tongue over his scruff and cheeks lapping then licking. He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in for a hard kiss jamming his tongue between her lips and teeth she took it and kissed back hard open-mouthed and greedy, not thinking. It wasn't sweet or gentle it was animal and hungry. He pulled back. "Now you can pay me back. On your fuckin' knees tough girl."

His cock was already erect when she took him out of his jeans. It felt heavy, like a gun in her hand. She began to slowly stroke him back and forth. After just a few strokes, he was at full attention jerking toward her face. It gave her a feeling of power over him for a change and she liked it. She was on her knees in front of him and looked up at him. He let her. It was the only time he wanted a woman to look at him, while they were sucking him off. She started by licking his shaft up and down. She loved his reaction as she covered every inch with her tongue. She continued to pump with her hand as she tried to take his balls in her mouth, but they were too big. Once he was covered with her saliva she put him in her mouth. She could feel him get harder as she sucked. She looked up at him and he moaned a little bit when their eyes met."Take it all." he ordered.

It was not going to be easy, but she knew there would be consequences if she didn't. She relaxed her throat, and slowly took him in, inch by inch. She had never had anyone so big go down her throat, but she didn't gag. Finally, her lips were at the base of it. When she pulled back from him, he was covered in a thick coating of her saliva. "Is it big enough for you slut? You like having your face fucked with my cock don't you? Tell me how much you want it, bitch! Beg me for it!"

Catching her breath, she looked up at him and said, "Yeah, it's so big, and it tastes so fucking good. I want you to cum all over my face, baby."

Mac groaned, "Then take it back in your mouth whore." He slammed it past her wet lips and began fucking her mouth faster.

She then held her head still while he went in and out fucking her mouth hard. She was finding it hard to breath as he started to skull fuck her violently. She held her ground as best she could and finally felt him swell and tasted him. Her slow deep rolling moan brought him to his edge. She knew he was about to cum. "Here it comes, whore! Suck my cock! Suck it! Suck it good, bitch..." Serena was massaging his balls and felt them about to explode. Mac held her head tight and began to shoot his load of hot cum into her mouth. Letting go of his cock, she managed to push herself back away from him slightly by pressing on his thighs. She felt her mouth fill with cum. "Swallow it bitch! You filthy cock sucking slut, swallow it all." he groaned.  
There was no way she could swallow the entire load, so opening her lips slightly, the cum began to drip out of the sides of her mouth and run down her chin as he pulled out of her mouth. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. He came up from behind and stared at her. There was cum in her hair, on her cheeks and lips. There was so much it had even dripped down onto her chest.

"Clean yourself up." Was all he said and left the bathroom.

As he moved through the door he passed the three girls on their way in. He leered at them and licked his lips. They tried to ignore him.

One said "Perv" out load. Mac headed straight the men's room next door where he knew there was a hole in the wall with a perfect view; no way he was missing this show.

They caught site of Serena wiping cum from her face and chest.

"Sorry we didn't realize there was a slut in here." One of the girls said and laughed teetering on those heels.

"Always travel in packs I see, even to the bathroom." Serena muttered loud enough fo them to hear.

"Fucking slut. Make good money doing that whore?" Taunted another.

"You love it slut, don't you?"

"Fuck you." Serena calmly answered, slowly sensually licking the cum from her hair. "This is what a real man does. You little bitches don't even know what its like to be with a real man do you? Yeah I love it, I love tasting a real man." She stuck a finger in her mouth, "Mmm this man tastes so good."

Mac was secretly watching the scene and almost got hard again hearing her call him a real man and watching her savoring his cum in front of the three Goldilocks sluts. _Damn. There she was- there was that tough girl._

"You are so nasty. The dirtiest cunt I've ever seen." The tallest one in the pink dress said.

The group of them began to laugh and started to throw paper towels at her.  
"Clean yourself up nasty dirty, whore." They taunted between laughter.

"Nothing but a dirty, nasty cum dumpster."

Serena reached down into her boot and pulled out her brass knuckles. She slipped them on to her right hand and approached the girls.

"I warned you about messing with the wrong people. You just did." She ripped the diamond pendant from the first girl and tossed it to the floor. She turned to the one who called her a cum dumpster and said, "Hope that nosejob wasn't too expensive cause you're going to need another one." She slammed her steel covered fist into the loudest one's face. The girls screamed and blood poured from her broken nose.

_Damn that's more like it._ Still watching through the gloryhole,Mac licked his lips.

"Who's next bitches who wants the dirty nasty slut to put them in their place. You?" She stepped toward the next one. They all started screaming and left the bathroom.

"Yeah you better run away bitches or else I'll kill you!"

Serena turned back to the mirror. "I wanna fucking kill them!" She yelled at her reflection. "Kill... those bitches! Kill them!" She screamed.

He decided he didn't want the game to end yet. He like this side of her. Yeah, he liked it lot_._ She was more than she seemed, more than what he'd originally thought. She was something he could play with. She got off on pain and causing pain. She wanted those girls dead huh? She wanted to kill them, huh? She wasn't going anywhere. Besides she'd given him the best blowjob of his fucking life. She took everything he gave her. And seeing her mess up that pretty little blonde's face like that made him hard again. _She's my fuckin hero._ He laughed sarcastically, bitterly._ And my whore._

He had an idea.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

She walked back to the bar scanning the room for Mac. She was still preparing to leave but she couldn't help but wonder if what happened between them in the bathroom had changed his mind about her? He was gone so obviously it hadn't. Part of her was relieved the other disappointed. It was for the best though she knew that.

"Th-this her?"

"Walter nodded and Serena watched as a young blonde guy in a tan sheriffs deputy uniform approached her. "Turn around miss you u-under arrest for th-theft." He said in his most authoritative stutter.

Before she could argue he'd moved behind her and took her arms cuffing her hands behind her back.

"Your kidding? I didn't do anything."

"That guy over there is pressing charges says you stole his wallet."

"I don't have it… you can't arrest me you have no proof. He has it right now."

"I didn't finish. Theft and assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. That girl over there says you beat her with brass knuckles."

The three girls sat huddled waiting for an ambulance. _Wow I really messed her up,_ Serena thought looking at the woman she attacked, her entire face was covered with blood.

"Well..got me there." She handed the knuckles to Harley with a sigh.

Serena saw the guy she'd tried to rip off nodding at her with a satisfied smile. "Perfect. Small towns you all know each other too don't you. Is that guy your brother or something?"

Harley said "Watch it this is m-my town and I'm in charge here. Don't appreciate strangers coming in and …."

She didn't listen to the rest of his statement.

_Fucking Mac he did this on purpose. Asshole. I don't know what I was doing, thinking._

She noticed Mac's truck was not in the parking lot as Harley pushed her head down and sat her in the back seat of his cruiser. He had taken off and left her in this mess he created. Typical. Like every other man she'd ever met.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Late the next morning, Mac stormed into the bar, the door practically creaking off its hinges as he violently threw it open.

"Where have you been all day?" Walter asked calmly raised his eyebrow and looked up from he glass he was wiping out.

"Where is she... she's not in her fucking room!" Mac shouted.

"Harley took her in last night. That man pressed charges after all and the girl she attacked too. That girl pressing charges is not from here, Harley can't do anything about it. We don't need strangers sniffing around here. It is bad son. Looks like you weren't convincing enough." His tone was disgusted. "You better fix this I can't have anything getting in the way of business. Fix it."

"I know, I know!" Mac was agitated he ran his hands through his messy hair and licked his lips. He leaned on the counter and knocked over the jar of sugar. He absently traced a spider in the spilled white crystals, then wiped it away as quickly. "Think I don't know?" He gestured to the bottle of Jack behind the bar. Walter sighed wearily and put the whiskey in front of Mac with a shot glass. Mac quickly tossed back two shots. He muttered "Fucking old man. Think I don't know? " Before stomping out. Nobody'd be pressing any charges when he was done with them.


	4. She Put Her Head Into the Pain

**_*Looks like I will be updating this story once a week so I' ll try to give you long chapters. _**

**_*Thanks to all who follow fave and review. Mac is definitely not for everyone. Hearing from you guys does keep me motivated._**

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It wasn't the first night Serena had spent on an uncomfortable wooden bench in a small jail cell. But it was the first time she'd done so sober. That made it a hellishly long evening with nothing to do but think. Once again she'd gotten herself in a mess because she let her pussy control her. If she'd left the bar and not fucked around with Mac she wouldn't be here now. She was overcome with that familiar 'what's the point' feeling as she laid back and watched a big back spider skitter across the ceiling of the cell. They think her life is charmed- the rock star who on a good day looks like some babe but if they really knew what her life was like nobody would bother. If they knew about the mood swings and the crying jags and the drugs and the drinking and the house she lived in that looked like it had been ransacked by drunken thieves with its piles of papers, dirty laundry and glittery costumes and books with coffee and wine stained pages and broken spines laying around on the stained carpet. The stopped up sinks and blown out light-bulbs and the living room rug damp with spilled tequila and stale beer the journals whose entries everyday for the past few years mention self loathing or suicide or at the very least severe depression. Mixed in with binges and blackouts and fucked up indiscriminate sex. And even if her 'victims' don't mind any of that shit she was the one who wound up being victimized anyway. There was no such thing as happily ever after. It all made for good songs but that was about it. That's why she was so vulnerable to the Macs of this world. She was bad, damaged and they knew it. Mac could see through her facade. He didn't care how hopeless her life was and he made her forget.

Before the last rehab stint, it had been getting to the point where songs she'd hear on the radio and fragile old women waiting at bus stops made her want to burst into tears. She felt she could see inside their little plastic change purses and count every penny every food-stamp. She thought of things she blew off, chores duties, opportunities, ex lovers. Although with_ those _there was usually good reason. She felt like she was running out of juice, out of reasons and out time. She mourned for her lost innocence but really Serena wondered if she'd ever really had any to begin with or if the reason she felt so shitty was because she never got wise. She acted jaded but that's all it was an act; truth was everything still affected her; ridiculous everyday things. A refrigerator that's been repaired to get a little more mileage out of it like the mended places on a hooker's fishnets, to the run down heels on the clerk in a store as well as bad dental bridges and botched plastic surgery. She felt like everything was an illusion just not too many other people were in on it.

Sometimes looking at the labels on products and watching television commercials made her want to cry. It was all too much and she wanted to stick her head inside the oven she never cleaned. She was bad. Her mother had always said she was the devil's girl. That's why her life was such a mess. She was so bad...was she ever innocent? Serena had been on her own since she was seventeen. That was when she'd run away with her 'first Mac'. Johnny.

_Johnny loves me when I'm sixteen. He takes me to the carnival. Johnny loves me when I'm seventeen and I move with him to the city. Mama doesn't want me to move. I don't care Mama. I'm going. Johnny loves me and you don't. I'm taking my cat Snow and going. I reach to get my cat off the floor but Mama grabs him first. Gimmie my cat Mama!_

_"Oh, no, you Devil Child. This cat is staying right here!" Mama takes Snow by his tail and swings him into the kitchen counter. His head bounces off the corner and blood from his nose sprays on the wall. She drops him on the floor and I kneel to pick him up. His head's broken. One eye is bulging out. _

_"Why did you kill Snow, Mama? I didn't deserve that! He didn't deserve that!"_

_"It was for your own good, child. Serena you would have done the same thing if you were me." _

_"No! I would never kill anyone's cat! I will** never kill anything**!" I run all the way to Johnny's house. I never see Mama again._

_Johnny loves me the first year we live together. He tells me that all those other girls don't mean anything to him. He tells me that I'm the only one for him. But when we're in the alley together and I tell him about the baby growing inside me he gets as bad as Mama. He tells me to kill the baby before it's even born._

_"Don't you say no to me, you bitch!" He screams. "You don't have enough sense to have no baby!" _

_"Oh, but Johnny I want it so much. I want a little baby that loves me just like I love you. I want a little baby that loves me just because I'm me. I **won't kill** it, Johnny. I **won't ever kill anything."**_

_"You don't know what the hell you're talking about! You're crazy! You'd have little crazy kids! Look, you fucking cunt, it's either me or that damn kid! I'll leave this time I mean it!"_

"Your phone is ringing." Harley's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"What?" Serena was shaken. She hadn't had a memory like that in a very long time.

"Well can I answer it?" She finally asked.

"I-I guess so sure."

_Small towns_ she thought as he handed her phone to her through the bars.

"Rich?" She answered. "I had a little problem. But I'm sober." She added like a little kid wanting approval from a parent.

_What was I thinking_ she wanted to say. _He is an animal _she wanted to say_; a booze guzzling, methed out misogynist son of a bitch a real animal what was I thinking? _ _  
_

"I can tell from your voice, What's going on?"

After she was honest and told him he said "Time to call Ed, your manager. He's got to bail you out and get you a lawyer."

She sighed, "You're right Rich. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I can't... I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired...really tired. And Rich its starting again. The memories. I think they..."

"Look Serena, you need to come back here. Call Ed, then call me back. And remember stay sober."

She asked Harley if she could make another call. He nodded.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"Fuck you mean you can't let her out." Mac leaned menacingly across the desk in the sheriff's office. "Forget who you're talking to Harley huh?"

Harley moved away trying to avoid his gaze. "No M-Mac, but she's got bail being wired and a city lawyer's coming to meet her. I c-can't do anything about it now."

"Fuck you talking about Where's Pratt?"

"He left for the night. I'm in charge. Look, she's some sort of rock star or something. He manager's on his way with a lawyer like I told you..it's not up to me. The wallet's not the big deal. It's that girl, she really messed up that girl's face. Its assault with an illegal, deadly weapon."

"Weak piece a shit Harley, always were." Mac turned and stalked toward the cell room.

"What are y-you gonna do? You can't go back there."

"Mind your own fucking business." Mac grabbed Harley's keys. "Know what's good for you, you'll stay out of my way." He shoved past Harley with such force the other man hit the door frame hard.

She was stretched out on the bench in the cell hands behind her head bare feet crossed over each other, her boots haphazardly discarded on the floor.

"Get up."

She looked over and felt her stomach twist seeing him. _He came for me._ She sat up and the twist in her gut became a heavy sickening knot. She couldn't go with him.

"Now." He ordered.

She took a deep breath and shook her head.

He grunted dismissively, but she continued.

"I 'm leaving, getting out of this shit hole. Just like you wanted. Remember?"

He shook his head and grimaced in frustration. "Changed my mind. Now get the fuck up. You're coming with me."

_Changed his mind? He wants me?_ He had Harley's keys and started to unlock the cell

"No, there are people coming for me I can't." She choked out with resolve she didn't know she had.

Serena shut her eyes tight and gathered every ounce of strength against her urges; she was sober she was strong. She had a plan. He threw the cell door open with a loud crash of metal and stalked to her. He yanked her to her feet and pulled her close. He put his fingers inside the waist band of her skirt and pulled her body against his. The force of his gesture weakened her knees and she started to immediately feel that heat. "Look if you want a quick fuck before I go…"

He hit her so hard Harley heard it and came running when she cried out.

He had his gun drawn. "Look M-Mac leave her alone. Get out. I told you I can't let you do it, it aint u-up to me th-this time. outsiders involved."

Mac turned with his hands up in a gesture of surrender.  
"W-Walter knows and he said to keep her in here until she leaves. I h-have to…"

At the mention of his father's name Mac's face twisted with rage. "He said that huh? Well whatever he says then.. " Mac's voiced seethed with anger. He stealthily pocketed Harley's keys and stomped out of the station. Nobody was gonna be pressing any charges.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

It was abrupt. It only took a moment to realize that an arm had grabbed her. It had all happened so fast, so effortlessly. Somebody had pulled her up from the cell bench, put a bitter smelling rag on her face: _roses are red violets are blue, does this rag smell like chloroform to you? _She was out within seconds.

Serena awoke in a panic, and began looking around. All she could see was the rusted bed of the truck underneath her. The night air was chilly and smelled like poison as the vehicle sped down the deserted highway. She tried to scream but her mouth was firmly taped shut and she could only let out little groans of defiance. She tried to get up, but her wrists and her ankles were bound by rough prickly rope. She managed to turn on her the side. She knew it was Mac. She recognized the rusted red truck and recognized the feel of his grip before she passed out. But why? Why had he abducted her this way? She was on her way out of town like he wanted. _He changed his mind, well if wanted one last fuck before she left all he had to do was ask. _ That 's why this was freaking her out. There was such ease in the way he took her, like she was so light and defenseless to him. This only scared her more. She felt hot tears begin to run down her face, but she couldn't let her fear overtake her. _Don't be so weak_. She should figure out an escape plan._ Right? Hell yes!_ Something told her this wasn't just bad this was deadly. He was going to kill her. She knew it. She remembered how he said he owned her and it sounded like threat. Now he was acting on it. This was not a game this was her life. She looked around more, shifting her body so that she could see the back of the truck better. . Nothing. Then turning to her left she let out a scream muffled by the duct tape. The bloody mutilated face of her mark from the bar, the guy whose wallet she tried to steal was beside her. Her eyes travelled further down seeing that his throat was slashed. He was dead. It shocked her but not as much as she thought it should have. She'd never been squeamish.

_"You bitch! I'll show you to talk like that to me! I'll show you what you can do with a baby!" _

_"Let go Johnny! Please don't hit me like that. It hurts so bad. Stop it! I can't breathe." My legs feel wet. I look down at the pool of blood forming at my feet. "That's our baby there, Johnny. There on the sidewalk. I wish you let me wear panties." Maybe if I was wearing panties they would have held the baby in. _

_"Wait, don't leave me here! See, I don't have a baby anymore! I'll forgive you! Oh God, it hurts so bad... don't leave me..."_

She squeezed her eyes shut seeing dancing shapes on the inside of her lids. It was happening again.

_ If the bad side of you kills and takes over the good side would anyone even notice? _

Her terror was battling a surge pride feeling that he must **want** her. She felt needed. Mac had obviously killed for her. _Hell he'd kidnapped me. Wait, that's sick. _He'd knocked her out and bound and gagged her._ He killed for me. That wasn't love was it? Or was it? Was it ultimate act of want, need, love? No that was sick._ She was so confused. The two sides were battling for control of her thoughts. She wasn't sure which side was winning all she knew was that she was stuck in the middle losing. That's when she felt the truck come to a stop. How long had they been driving? Minutes? Hours? She wouldn't let herself cry anymore and she swallowed her short panted whimpers. She didn't want to show Mac any more vulnerability than she had already. It's what he expected from her. He expected her to roll over and take it because she had, but being sober and talking to Rich had reminded her she could be stronger_ Right?_ She heard a door shut and anticipated what she knew would happen next. That's when she saw his already intimidating aura. She shivered as Mac looked her in the eyes with a prevalent raging desire. All this time she'd wanted to die. Now that she believed he might actually kill her, a desire to live suddenly sparked. His hunger for her was twisted and obvious, and she knew he had been holding back all this time. This was a different Mac, not holding anything back.

No chance for flight, she could fight.  
But could she? The shock hit Serena like a slap in the face. _What was I thinking? He is an animal. A booze guzzling, methed out snakebiter misogynist son of a bitch. A real animal. What was I thinking? I 'm thinking nobody ever made me cum so fucking hard in my life. Am I strong enough do this? fight for my life?_

She remembered the hatred and disappointment in his eyes from yesterday. The blazing blue hatred that frightened her but also felt familiar and made her body betray her. That's what she had to fight against. _Get mad. _

He leaned forward and grabbed her by her arms. She let out a little squeal under the tape and shook away from his grasp. He expelled a gravelled sigh and grabbed her more firmly this time, lifting her onto his shoulder and pulling her off the truck bed. She could only see the ground and began squirming violently; making as much noise as possible in hopes that maybe someone nearby would hear her whimpers. But she knew that nobody would be there to save her. The next thing she knew Mac grunted "So you do have some fight," and shoved the sweet antiseptic smelling rag over her nose again.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

She'd been awake for a while, but she didn't know exactly how long. Time had become distorted, it was hard to judge accurately and she was still fighting off the effects of the chloroform. He hadn't gone easy on the stuff. She'd woken in dim golden light to the realization that she was bound, spread eagle with her hands and feet pulled slightly up from the surface of a thin lumpy mattress. The ropes were tied to stakes driven into the ground at each point of the mattress. Her head felt fuzzy. her eyes dry and itchy and she was thirsty. The ceiling and walls around her were rock. The 'floor' was dirt. She was in a cave. She strained to see as much as she could. Industrial steel drums, some kind of work table off against the wall cluttered with bottles and jars and jugs. Gallon containers of Draino, Prestone...The smell of ammonia hovered. Somebody was making meth and a lot of it. She knew a couple of tweakers from home with their own little lab in a back yard shed but the large amount of ingredients here indicated a big operation. Made sense thinking of Mac's habit. She pulled at the ropes on her arms and legs, her anxiety increasing as the minutes ticked agonizingly by, but she was held fast. Her fear infused imagination worked frantically playing every possible scenario trying to make sense of her predicament. But nothing made any sense. Why would Mac do this? She'd give him anything he wanted. Her shoulders were beginning to ache and a tear slipped from the corner of one eye as she strained to hear anything and see more of her surroundings. _Weak bitch,_ she scolded herself,_ don't you fucking cry._

Then he was there. Slowly he began walking around her, letting his eyes wander over her body. After circling her like his prey, he came to a stop and kneeled down between her legs on the mattress, his body radiating heat against her thighs. She looked at him in the dim light.

He ripped the tape from her mouth painfully.

"What the fuck Mac...what …"

"You aint going anywhere tough girl. Think I'd let you leave? Stupid whore."

"Is that what this is? You are fucked you know that? You told me to leave."

"Changed my mind. Didn't listen to me did you? You made me do this. No choice."

"I have to go, I can't stay here in this….shit hole town." She said. "Let me go you motherfucker!" She pulled at the ropes for emphasis.

He closed his eyes, let air hiss between his teeth and chuckled, as if her plea had aroused him more than the sight of her tied up and helpless before him.

"Don't do this."

"Do what? What'dya think I'm gonna do?" He taunted her.

"Kill me."

He slapped her hard. "Shut the fuck up!"

Serena surprised the both of them when she said. "Untie me!"

"Uh uh, not yet."

_He said** yet.** Yet to untying me or to killing me?_

"I have a lawyer coming. I am in trouble over that fucking bitch. You fucking called the cops...I have to deal with all this sh..."

He leaned in close to her face and rasped "I fuckin' saved your ass again. Nobody's around to press any charges." He licked his lips and grinned. "Liked what you did to Goldilocks' face, so I got you something. But you gotta earn it before I let you have it."

"Have what?"

He couldn't help himself, his own excitement getting the better of him.

He flashed her his blackened grin again. He put his hand under the back of her neck and raised her head so she could see the side of what was definitely a cave. In the glow of several camp lanterns she saw the three girls from the bar. They were hanging bound and gagged by chained wrists on hooks drilled into the ceiling of the cavern. They looked to be partially conscious, the one in the pink dress actually struggling a little causing the chains to clink. He dropped her head so her eyes met his. She quickly looked away.

"How...why?..." Serena asked, knowing that she should be more shocked than she was.

It had been easy. Mac had followed the girls to the emergency room then back to the house they were renting. Then he waited outside in his truck. The first one he snatched when she went out to her car for something. The other two sleeping in their beds never know what hit them as he knocked them out same way he'd done to Serena.

Her first thought was how long until I'm up there with them? She tensed her body and as if knowing what she was thinking he said. "You wanted to kill them right?' He looked almost mischievous when he said it.

"I heard you." He pushed her t shirt up and slid his hands under her bra. He couldn't wait to touch her, run his hands roughly over her, punishing her tender, soft porcelain skin. "I wanna watch you do it."

He'd been dying to touch her. Earlier, when he got back to the cave Mac had made the slut in the pink dress, the one with the big mouth Serena had messed up back at the bar, suck him off. But all he could think of was Serena, wishing it was her mouth around his dick. This bitch choked and wouldn't swallow. Her tears pissed him off for some reason and the begging and pleading didn't make him feel the way he wanted it to. He didn't get the power rush he usually did. All he could see was Serena licking his cum from her hair, calling him a real man. That was a different power. He'd never felt it before. How far would she go for him? He didn't bother to rape the other two. Just kicked them around broke some ribs before stringing them up.

Mac caught Serena's nipples between his fingers, pinched them, softly, then harder, then so hard she whimpered. When he took his hands away her nipples throbbed, hard and full, and she realized with a resentful pang that the throb he'd created in her nipples was reverberating in her sex.  
He leaned in, his slightly raspy voice low. "Is that little cunt of yours getting wet? Let's check on that pussy and see."  
He roughly pushed her skirt up. Another guttural chuckle, then lips hot and wet on the soft inside of her thigh sucking gently on the tender flesh slowly moving downward to stop just before touching her pussy. She had been holding her breath and gasped when he abruptly withdrew, the sound raw and ragged to her ears. She was losing.

"Oh, fuck.." slipped softly from her lips as his hands slid beneath her butt and his teeth moved her thong aside and his hot mouth found her clit and licked roughly. He lapped and sucked at the moist folds beneath it before again, withdrawing.  
She lay motionless panting shallowly and completely aroused, waiting for whatever was coming next, and completely horrified by the knowledge that she was so turned on despite truly believing he was going to kill her.

His fingers gripped her clit, rubbing it between thumb and forefinger. She rolled her hips, her belly on fire.

"What are ..oh, oh, yeah...mmm...how fucked up is this...?" She sighed and murmured.

She wriggled ecstatically in his hands, encouraging his explorations, gasping with delight when two thick digits slid firmly inside her. He laid his other hand on top of her soft belly and pressed down as he curled his fingers into an upward hook and began to stroke the palm of the hand on her belly, slow, deep strokes that set her on fire. She groaned darkly and arched her back as far as she could, using the ropes to leverage herself into a better position. She'd never felt anything like it before.

Suddenly she feel his hot breath over her left breast, pushing her bra up and then teeth scratching over the soft skin. when he buried his teeth in her nipple and intense pain shot through her body. She actually screamed.

He grunted as he gave the other nipple attention. The great mixture of pain and pleasure made her wetter, and Serena actually felt her juices run. She thought back to childhood and her first sexual fantasy. It had made her seven year old self feel funny down there. Made her want to touch herself and be touched on the bad place, her mother called it. Her fantasy was always the same. She was kidnapped, tied up and ravaged by the Black Knight. The bad guy. She'd felt dirty and wrong because it wasn't the nice girl fantasy about Prince Charming or Lancelot rescuing her and marrying her; no it was always the Black Knight and he did filthy, wicked things to her while she waited for the White Knight to save her but he never came and secretly she didn't want him to. She was always so bad...she was the devil's girl. Momma said. Bad...

No one was coming to save her now either. She felt something metal, cold and hard, moving over her shoulder, neck and down to her nipple. Then Mac dragged it up and she felt cold steel against her cheek. Holding her breath, she moved her eyes and stared at the knife against her face; she saw the blade shimmer as it caught the lamp light.  
The knife slowly started to explore her body, going over her face, the cold weapon a contrast to her hot skin. She forced herself to lay completely still as the tip moved over her lips, then the jawbone and finally down to caress her neck. He played with it over her shoulder and then held it against her neck while leaning forward to run his tongue over her lips. He sliced through the fabric of her t-shirt and then the skirt, leaving her in only her black thong and lace push up bra. That was next to be destroyed by the blade.

She sucked his tongue into her mouth, staring hypnotized into his blazing eyes. He let her.

Then he let her kiss him before pulling back. Serena stretched her arms slightly, sending and intense shooting pain down her spine; they'd been in the same position above her head for so long. But when the knife gently touched her skin her entire focus was on the cold steel. She looked at it while it lifted up a nipple. Holding her breath again she saw her nipple growing even harder in response. Next he moved the knife down over her belly to her crotch. She raised her head as much a she could and stared open-mouthed at the at the knife as Mac, sitting between her knees, let the steel tease over her thighs. He dragged out the torture, focusing intently almost obsessively like he could go on forever, never tiring of his work.

With a precise move he cut her underwear off and lifted the thong to his face to breathe in her scent. He chewed on the damp part before holding it to her face and shoving it in her mouth. His face was tense and determined as he spread her cunt lips with his fingers and slowly moved the knife from her thigh to her center. She heard him breathing in raspy short gasps and grunts and as the knife stroked her wet folds Serena never felt more vulnerable and helpless in her life. Finally Mac reached his destination. He lifted her clit carefully with the blade; Serena bit down hard on the fabric to stifle her scream. Blinking rapidly she watched him lean down to lick her clit on the knife point. She felt such intense sensation she almost fainted.  
Somehow Mac knew exactly how to touch her and he continued to let his tongue play over her clit in contrast to the sharp knife. He could see her getting closer to the edge, so he backed off to study her.

"See slut," he said. "Your body was made for fucking. All bitches are."

She couldn't answer through the fabric in her mouth. When he pulled the thong from her gritted teeth, she rested her tongue on her lower lip, waiting with eyes begging. He liked that. The begging was suddenly more of a turn on than fighting;at least with Serena. She began breathing harder as he pushed his fingers between her lips and slowly started to fuck her mouth; she closed her lips tight around the dirty, calloused masculine fingers.

Slowly, he increased the pace pumping his fingers fast and hard into her mouth. She tasted dirt and something bitter on them but kept her mouth locked carefully, sucking passionately on them covering them with saliva.  
Then with fingers all the way in, he stopped and looked at her, his eyes fiery and demanding. He pulled his fingers out and dropped the knife beside them. He violently ripped open the snaps of his coveralls and shoved them down over his shoulders below his waist. This time he also removed the tattered stained undershirt.

Breathing hard, sitting in her own juices, her eyes followed as he pushed his boxers down his narrow hips. Mac saw the excitement in her eyes when she saw his lean muscled arms and chest then his hard cock throbbing in front of her. Build her up, make her want him. She wanted him. Hypnosis of lust.

He wrapped her hair a few times around his fist before roughly jerking her backwards and leaning forward to bite her neck. He pulled her head back even further, making it hard for her to breath. He closed his hand around his shaft and rubbed the head of his cock against her lips covering them with pre-cum.

She gasped for air when his hand moved further down and his knuckles caressed her belly, hips, finally ending on her thigh. With circulating moves he reached her center and felt how dripping wet she was. He he pushed her knees even wider apart reaching over to take up his knife.

He ran it across her inner thigh leaving long red drag marks. She saw herself through his eyes, his slut tied up and perfectly exposed. He moved over her and cut the ropes. Before she could even rub feeling back into the numb wrists, Mac flipped her and moved his firm hands over her body squeezing and groping roughly.

His touch made her weak and she pushed up against his strong body. She groaned softly, whispering as he bit her neck and opened the wound he'd made the other day and sucked the fresh blood. The stinging pain was too much. "Please, please... I want to feel you inside me." She felt the screaming building up in her, filling her. _ Oh, I like it so much. I want you in me Black Knight. Can you read my mind Black Knight?_

He grunted, chuckled and slid off her. "Bet you do."

"What the fuck. Don't stop…" She turned her head and looked back at him.

His voice was low and demanding as he kneeled behind her stroking himself. "I'm gonna fuck your pussy so hard gonna be sore for days."

He leaned over, bit her neck again and pulled her up on all fours so she could to take her punishment or get her reward. Serena's mind was confused and clouded with pain, pleasure, lust and a sick pride that he wanted her.

Mac grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her head back bending her body to his.  
The position made Serena groan and gasp for air. She cried out at the first slap across her ass. Soon he'd begun hitting with such force that the pale skin had turned dark pink and the stinging burn made her shiver on weakening knees.  
Mac's hand forcing her head back was a steady reminder that he owned her.  
When he changed position a little she felt his hard shaft poking her, like the sword of the Black Knight ready to impale her, rip into her proving that this was turning him on just as much as her. She licked her dry lips and begged to be fucked brutally.  
He jerked her head back pulling her hair, painfully until she was kneeling, her back against his sweaty chest. He put his mouth next to her ear and rasped "I'm going to fuck you like a dog on a bitch in heat."

He firmly put her back on all fours, positioned his cock at her entrance and without further warning thrust himself inside of her. Serena gasped when he forced the tight walls apart and made her cunt lips spread for his cock. It was harder and more brutal than when he'd fucked her the day before. She had been so out of it, clouded by the drugs. Today, sober she felt everything. The pain made it real for her.

He grabbed her long hair in two tails to bend her body, grasped her hips and pounded deep. Her juice ran down his balls making them both sticky, and he started thrusting so roughly she felt like he could tear her in two. She moaned, overwhelmed with pain and pleasure, helpless as he used her body like a fuck doll, pulling her on to him by her hips with each thrust. Her cunt contracted in protest, thrusting through the tightness only gave him more pleasure.

He pushed her upper body down so her nipples rubbed against the mattress. When she groaned loudly, he reached around to her clit. With a firm finger he started playing with it gently, still moving in and out brutally. She cried out loud when her orgasm swelled and crashed over her; she started cramping around his cock. Her pussy squeezed and milked him while he continued to push himself even deeper. The sensitivity from her climax made her realize how sore her cunt was as it ached from his demanding thrusts. Powerless and overcome with desire she closed her eyes and saw stars.

His hand left her clit and he started spanking her ass while he continuing to grind. Each time he pulled in, he made sure to rub his thighs against her violated ass. It made the burning feelings stronger, and she shook hard. Pain came from her ass being spanked, from the cock punishing her cunt, and the hand fisting her hair.

Serena couldn't help herself and started to cry softly. The intensity overwhelmed her. No one had ever brought her to this level of pain and pleasure and she felt like it was too much. Yet when she opened her mouth, she begged him to take her harder. He answered by pumping faster, hammering furiously. She shook as her pulsing core throbbed with heat and she came harder the second time.

"This is how a real man does it... a real man fucks!" He groaned out, feeling her cum around him, and looking at the dangling bodies across the cave. Then he quickly pulled her up on all fours by her hair and came hard in her cunt with a deep groan of satisfaction.

Their mixed juices filled her and escaped down her thighs when he pulled out. He roughly flipped her onto her back while she was still trying to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding so hard she felt like she'd just sprinted a mile. She was still feeling euphoric from the orgasms when he pushed his sticky cock against her lips. She took it in and sucked it clean. She slipped her tongue along the underside and heard him groan. He moaned again as her swollen lips stretched around his shaft.

When he decided he was clean, he pulled out and got up from the mattress.

"Do I gotta tie you up again?" He asked.

She shook her head. She lay on her back breathing hard, no power left, her head spinning. Her whole body was pulsing._ He wanted her. _She wasn't going anywhere.

"I got work to do." He pulled his coveralls on. He looked at the girls hanging before him but in his sex sated state he wasn't ready for them yet. He looked back at Serena sprawled out on the mattress in her own post sex haze. Her long dark hair was tangled and spread out beneath her, the bruises and abrasions on her face visible under her disappearing makeup. Her eyes smuged with kohl, lips swollen, red and rubbed raw. A fucked up broken doll. His fucked up broken doll. She wasn't going anywhere. They had all the time the world to play with those bitches. All the time in the world. He grabbed a gas mask from a hook on the wall and pulled it down over his head, turning to the table. Fucking Walter. He had orders piled up.

Serena felt sleep descending. She closed her eyes and remembered.

_I was a little girl once. I lived in a flat top house with its own backyard. I had a little white cat named Snow that loved me. The man Mama made us call Daddy loved me too but i don't think it was the kind of love daddy's were supposed to show their little girls or else he wouldn't tell me it was our secret right? Sometimes I would try to play outside with the other children, but they always called me names. _

_"Crazy girl, crazy girl!" Toby from down the road shouts at me, circling me and shooting me with his squirt gun. _

_"Leave me alone. I just want to play Barbies with Penny. _

_"Well Penny doesn't like you crazy girl. Hazy, lazy, spacey, crazy girl." _

_"Shut up! Why don't you shut up?" I yell and yell, but the children never stop teasing. They hate me. Just like Mama. Mama hates me cause I'm always doing bad things. Devil's girl._

_"I just got off the phone with little Mike's Mother you little bitch. She says you were showing your bad place to that boy. That's a bad, evil thing, do you hear me? Evil!" Mama's face gets so red when she's angry; and she puts it so close to mine. Her breath smells like cigarettes. _

_"I'm sorry Mama. I didn't want to but he said he'd buy me a candy bar if I did."_

_"Then he's almost as bad as you Serena! Do you know what you're going to be if you keep doing that? A whore! Don't you ever be no whore girl. I'd just die if you was a whore." _

_The man Mama makes us call Daddy is home now. Mama is telling him about all the bad things me and Rory my stepbrother did today. I'm in bed, hugging Snow close and trying not to listen; but her voice is so loud. My step brother is teasing through the wall._

_"Nyah, nyah, you're gonna get a whippin, you're gonna get a whippin, crazy Girl."_

_"No. Daddy loves me. He won't whip me."_

_"Will too, will too. He's my daddy and he hates you; and your mama's real mad. Maybe he's gonna come kill you."_

_Maybe. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe he's gonna come kill me._

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

When she woke up he was working over at the table.

"Hey, "She called. He looked like a monster in that mask hunched over the table. She didn't think she was afraid anymore.

When her saw her awake he pulled the mask off his face and said "Fuckin sleeping beauty" with disdain. "They're gonna be dead before you even get to play." She put on his discarded boxers and wife beater since he had ruined her clothing. She was also barefoot as he hadn't bothered to bring her boots when he kidnapped her from the jail. He stomped over to her and yanked her up roughly the by the arm shoving her in front of the girls. "I figure one for you, one for me and the last one we can share." He took a swig from the bottle of whiskey in his hand. He offered her the bottle of Jack. She hesitated but only for a second. She accepted it and took a long swallow of the burning amber liquid that paved her road to hell.

Serena was not as horrified as she knew she should be. _He really did this for me?_

"Why did you do this?" She asked, taking another shot of whiskey.

"You said you wanted to kill them bitches."

"A figure of speech, I didn't mean …"

"You meant it." That's what he had recognized in her eyes yesterday. The hatred, the need for vengeance. He had it too.

"Heard what they said to you. Fuckin sluts deserve it. Nobody messes with what's mine. " He said the last part to the three semi conscious women hanging from the ceiling in front of him.

Vomit bubbled up in the girl's throats Serena saw them fight it back down. They were crying. Sobbing in terror and disbelief. They wanted to wake up from this fucking nightmare.

Mac looked at them with disdain. There was not one ounce of pity in his burning stare. "People get what they deserve."

Serena had the feeling he'd done this before. Many times.

_I'm yours? You did this for me? _With those thoughts, her hand moved to his and clasped the knife's hilt.

"Cut her throat all the way to her spine." He ordered. He wondered if she'd do it, how far she'd go for him. With him.

Serena's mouth fell open. _No!_ Her brain told her, _Please...this a point of no return isn't it? B_ut her tongue formed the word "Yes." _Yes. He did this for me, for me_…_this is what a real man does. _

_Do you know what you're going to be if you keep doing that? A whore! Don't you ever be no whore girl. I'd just die if you was a whore." _Serena heard her mother's voice, then heard the girls screaming "whore, slut, nasty cunt" at her in the bar.

_"_Told you about messing with the wrong people." Serena said to the girls viciously. "There are some really sick people out there." She laughed then clapped her hand over her mouth.

Serena wanted to please Mac; show him she appreciated what he'd done but she was also angry and wanted to pay those bitches back. He was right. That was the thought that pushed_ this is wrong, this is murder_ from her mind. She felt like she was only watching as her hand and the knife slid over the first girl's torso to hover above her throat.  
She felt her hand move. Her eyes widened. A sickening gurgle reached her ears. She felt a spray of moisture strike her throat, chin, and cheeks. A splattering of crimson droplets shot across her face.

Mac shuddered and his cock jerked to attention. He had to stop himself from grabbing Serena, shoving her down and fucking her on the dirt floor. No not yet, they'd just gotten started. The blood had just begun to flow.

The girl's scream was cut short by the knife slicing her vocal cords. Her two companions howled in terror as the blonde's body shuddered and her eyes darted to the heavens. Below, her Serena heard the blood drip turn into a trickle as it soaked into the floor of the cave. She was mesmerized by the patterns the blood droplets made when they fell. Then she felt Mac behind her, his hot breath on her neck, straining erection against her ass. He was grinding into her with his arousal. "Good girl, mmm, good girl." Serena felt something in her shift. Self esteem, dirty, warped self-esteem. He was proud of her. His voice had a different tone. Was it affection?

"My turn." he grinned against her cheek.

Serena stood back and watched.

Gasp.

Thrust

Scream

Slice

Shriek.

Pull up

Vermilion rivulets.

Spasm, twitch

Still

And again

Mac placed her hands over his on the bloody knife and thrust it into the abdomen of the third girl. He held it there for a second before pulling her hands and the knife up, using both their strength to slice the bitch wide open. Entrails slid out and hit the floor with a sloppy wet squelch. Serena fell back against Mac. The smell was far worse than the sight.  
Serena realized rending flesh makes a distinctive sound. It's hard to describe. Like ripping apart your roast chicken. But wetter. The grind of straining cartilage, the ragged, frantic tear of stretched muscle and flesh. The liquid spatter of blood and fluids. It's a sound you can only truly begin to describe once you've experienced it.

The three women had watched her and seen the gore running in rivulets from their throats and abdomen, their blood spattering on Serena's groin and down her legs to drip onto the ground around her. Their gore. Horror added to fear as they managed to look down at the wreckage of their once perfect bodies and knew they were dead.

The sound of the blood draining from the young girl's body assaulted Serena's senses for minutes? But it seemed like hours.

"Now what?" She asked.

His inhale was more snarl than breath. Less than a second later his fingers wrapped themselves in her locks. He dragged her and threw her against the nearest wall. He clawed his boxers down over her hips and ripped open his coveralls. "You did good with them Goldilocks sluts. Real good." He groaned as he plowed into her depths. His chest found her back and she could feel his heart pounding. His shallow grunting reached her ears, each hoarse rumble timed with hard thrust from his cock. Serena worked her clit furiously so they reached release together.

Afterward he stood behind her panting into her ear as she braced herself against the wall. _She put her head into the pain, into the pain she put her head into the pain, into the pain And then she pulled back, the bloody remains..._

Mac realized that with every woman, there'd be that heat, that intensity the first couple of times together, those first, fierce, hot fucks. But no matter how good, how wild that first encounter was, within a week or, fuck, a few days now, it was over. He'd get rid of them. It would be the same with Serena, Mac knew it. But for now, he liked that he inspired that trembling in her and that look she gave him. Like he was her whole world. Her god. A real man. It might last longer with her, but only because she was so fucked up; it was what excited him but would eventually make him need to kill her.

Looking at her now with her wanting eyes, he remembered that first time in the motel room, when she asked him to stay. It didn't bother hm so much now. He was in charge. She'd jumped through his hoops and he could strangle her with them if he wanted to.

She slid out from under him and pulled up his boxers. He stared at the flawless, pale skin of her legs spattered with blood. When he looked up his eyes didn't have the disgust she was used to seeing. They looked calmer, sated somehow. He was proud of her? No one was ever proud of her. Mac touched her shoulder. She closed her eyes.

_Rory touches my shoulder. He's in bed with me now, his little ten year old penis is hard. Mama is still yelling in the living room. _

_"Wanna fuck, Crazy Girl?" Rory asks me. _

_"No." I shook my head and pushed him away._

_"Yeah you do. __Now be quiet before Mamma comes to kill us." _

_I shove his head under the covers to hide him. He goes down and starts to lick my bad place. I let him because it feels so good. I'm so bad. I didn't even tell Mama the worst part; that I did let Little Mike touch my bad place. I think of my shiny silver dollars and about all I'm gonna buy with them. A candy bar and a soda, maybe even a comic book; even though I don't like them, not really._

_"Honestly Eva," I hear Daddy say. "you know what the Doctor said about Serena. You know that girl has problems." _

_"Doctor?" Mama screams, "Doctor? I don't care about no Doctors! Look at this damn bible Mister! Look at it!" _

_Rory is making the screaming build up inside me. If it gets out Mama will hear and she'll come kill us. Mama and the preacher from church. The Preacher who holds the poisonous snakes; he holds them and they don't bite him. How does he do that? Its God not the devil mama says. _

_"They hate you." Rory says from between my legs. "They hate you cause you're bad. But I'll love you. I'll love you if you fuck me." No he won't, not really. Everybody says the will love me if I let them inside me. Little Mike, Uncle Phil, Daddy... but I don't believe it. I close my eyes and pretend they are the Black Knight. He loves me. Only him. _

She shook the memory from her head. "What now?" she asked again.

"Gotta Make 'em disappear." Mac muttered nodding up at the corpses. He pulled the tin from his pocket and swiped a large finger full of powder over his top gums. He gestured to the bodies in front of them.

"OK TIME TO DO SHIT! WHAT NEEDS DONE... TONS NEEDS DONE... LETS DO SHIT!" He clapped his hands together and shouted with the rush of the drug.

Then he held the tin out to her. She was a benzo girl, she'd never tried meth. She hesitated... but the memories were getting bad again. Really bad. She hesitated but...


	5. All Babes Are Wolves

"Anything I can snort it with?" She asked. If she was going there, there she might as well go all the way.

_Fight or flight._ Serena knew then it wasn't about fighting or getting away from Mac it was about fighting and escaping herself. And she could never truly get away from herself. She was devil's girl always was and always would be.

_All I ever wanted was to be good and it all turned out so bad._

She snorted the white powder and felt the hot sting of the crystal work its way in. She felt the freeze in her nose that dripped down to her throat and tongue to her lungs and through her whole body.

_Heart is beating, irregular, but beating. Lungs are absorbing oxygen, sorta. Brain is processing information still, but everything seems like it's urgent. This is being awake? _She had friends who only felt alive when high on meth.

It hit her within two minutes. The rush, the confidence, feeling like she was okay. That's what drugs, all drugs did. They made her feel okay to be herself. She didn't hear her mother's voice.

Mac pushed the bodies up above the hooks one at a time. They arched and hit the floor in a wet thump on the plastic sheeting he had spread beneath them.

"Why don't I feel guilty?" Serena asked mesmerized. _Thou shalt not kill. Why don't I feel anything?_

He didn't acknowledge that he'd heard her.

"So what, cut of the head and hands first?" She asked.

"Watch too many movies." He muttered. "Nowhere to drain the blood. Help me get them in the truck."

"Wait." she grabbed his knife." She supposed she did. Watch too many movies.  
"Fuck you doing give that ba…."

She dropped down and cut the mouth of the first girl in a macabre ear to ear smile. The drugs removed her ability to censer herself. She began rambling. "There, now she doesn't look so sad." She giggled. "They were so pretty...the pretty girls. All sweetness and light. I'm not a pretty girl...never was…" She looked up at him. "That's your type. You like that type don't you?" She stood. "Bet you fucked them all didn't you?" Her voice was accusatory. She couldn't stop her mind or her words. The paranoia, the adrenaline rush of the crystal made her push. She felt like she had to say everything that ran through her head. "I bet you felt like you were fucking cotton candy didn't you? Yeah, so soft and sweet and pretty." She moved back. "They all want that; all men. "The sweetness, the pink, the sugar, the blonde, the deer in the headlights." She started to feel agitated. Her emotions were racing to extremes

_I just want be a pretty girl._

_"Wipe that smut off your face!" Mama yells and hits me._

_"No. I want to be pretty... a pretty girl."_

_Mama takes a towel and rubs the makeup off my face.  
"Whore. That what you want be? Walk around looking like the whore of Babylon."_

"I'm not pretty. Not like them." She mumbled looking down at the corpses.

Mac wanted her to shut up. She was talking too much, maybe offering her the meth was a bad idea. He figured it would give her energy and keep her awake to help him drive the bodies out to the sinkhole and dump them. He usually did it himself, but here were four fucking corpses. She'd had her fun, now she needed to help him clean up. He just didn't need her to be bitching at him all night.

"You're alive, they're not. What's that tell you?" He looked at her perfect pale skin under the abrasions and bruises he'd made, the full lips and deep, dark soulful eyes. Her black hair fell in tangles over her face and shoulders. She wasn't pretty. She was beautiful. He'd made a beautiful mess of her. He wanted to mess her up even more.

"That you did it for me. But if you did all this for me...why would you fuck them?"

"Shut the fuck up and get to work."

"Asshole. Can't keep it in your pants. Just like every other guy I've ever known. Get me in a mess like this and then go fuck the nearest skank you can...the three nearest skanks."

"I fuck whoever I want, tough girl. Don't be so high and mighty slut. Make it four skanks."

"Yeah you wanted those girls the first time you saw them huh? Was it good? Like slicing a big fucking piece of angel food cake with your dick wasn't it!" She hit his chest. "Bastard!"

He grabbed her wrists. "Don't know what the fuck you think this is!"

His narrow fevered glare left Serena confused and she let go of any reason she had left. She felt like she didn't exist except as a trembling mass controlled by his eyes, his voice and his touch. She also felt she was a catalyst for a massive wave of destruction about to hit. Literally.

"It doesn't matter!" She shouted. Men always left her for the pretty girls. "You don't care about me. Never did. You don't want me. Fine, then you'll never fuck me again! I need to get out of here. How do I get out?" She spun in a circle completely disoriented.  
"Where's the door? I need to go."

He shook his head. "**Care** about you?" He spat the words. "Crazy bitch."

"You can't keep me here."

"We'll see." He grunted angrily. "I'll fuck you right now if I want."

"Over my dead body."

_I thought you were my knight, but you have become only my woodsman-taking me into the forest to cut out my heart. Why did you kill for me? Why did you kidnap me from jail? Why did you give me revenge on the pretty girls? You wanted the pretty girls. You never wanted me..._

"That's up to you."

It wasn't so much his words that suddenly scared her, but the burning arousal that was clear in his eyes, his voice and his stance. He wanted to hurt her, he wanted to hear her scream for him.

"Where is the fucking way out." Her eyes hardened in defiance; he could do whatever he wanted to her, she wasn't going to submit again. He smiled down at her nastily, as if he knew exactly how to wipe that look off her face. He inched his face downwards, allowing his mouth to caress hers once again. Electricity and warmth started to flow through her and she tried to twist her face away but his grip was like iron. He deepened the kiss and continued his torture until Serena couldn't hold back a tiny moan of arousal. He moved fast and tied her wrists together, then picked her up and hung her on one of her empty ceiling hooks, her arms above her head, her toes only just touched the floor. He stared into her eyes, smiling cruelly.

"Your turn tough girl." He let his knife play across her cheek as he gauged her reactions.

"I have people waiting for me."

_He is gonna kill me. It's what he wanted all along. All that other stuff was just to get me here and get himself warmed up. I'm the main course. Little girls grow up thinking that knights in shining armor actually exist. But they don't._ She knew it.

The drugs wouldn't let her mind stop or her mouth."You bastard!" she yelled. "Let me down so I can kill you!"  
He slid his right hand onto her left breast and stroked over her nipple under her shirt. She kicked out at him, and hit him square in the balls, hard. She expected him to go down, or double over at least. He jiust grunted and took a step back, that was all. He sliced his t-shirt off her and roughly jerked his boxers down over her hips.

"You know what? I'm too much, too much for you." She laughed. "You? A real man? Ha! Was I wrong!" She taunted.

His eyes turned black with anger and he grabbed her by the throat. "Too much? Show you too much bitch!" he growled "No whore is too much for me."

"Fuckin' pussy." she choked out. She knew just what to say to make a man hit her.

"No more fucking foreplay." He balled his right hand into a fist and punched her in the left cheek. Serena's head lurched to the side and she stayed there for several moments, stunned. She slowly came back to her senses and realised that blood was flowing from her nose and her mouth. As she raised her head she saw him prepare to hit her again and knew she wasn't going to be able to stop him. The second blow was harder, and she cried out in agony as he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her head back up to face him. "I think you got the wrong idea about our little situation here." _Care?_

His breathing was heavy, but from anger rather than exertion. Serena was well aware that he could keep up this treatment for hours; would be happy to beat her as long as she stayed conscious. He changed his aim and hit her other cheek this time, to even out the bruises.

He reached for the tin again and hurriedly rubbed more powder over his gums grinning at her.

Her face was aching and she knew that whatever he had in store for her next couldn't possibly be good. He slid his hand up one of her arms, searching for a moment. He found what he was looking for and pressed gently, then harder. Serena shrieked in pain as he dug his fingers into a pressure point on her arm. This was even worse than the pain in her cheek. Mac maintained the pressure on her arm, enjoying watching her squirm and hearing her scream. Tears were running down her cheeks and mixing with the blood that was drying on her face. He wasn't going to stop until she begged him to. He didn't have to wait long.

"Stop it Mac!" she whimpered softly. "Please!" He let go, then rubbed the bruised skin tenderly for a moment.

"This is fucked! Why are you doing this? Just cause I said you can't handle me?" She didn't have enough crystal in her system to dull this amount of pain but she did have enough to make her confident and pissed off. It was probably the worst experience Serena had ever had, but she didn't need to let him know that. The meth was talking when she baited him.

"Is that the best you've got, big guy?" she spat. "I've had better beatings from my grandmother, and she only had one arm!" Mac grinned for a moment; he seemed to appreciate her stubbornness. He was liking her this way after all, liking what the crystal did to her. "Okay," he growled. "Let's do something a little different." He slid his hand to her jaw and lifted her face to kiss her. Serena jerked her head away from him, trying to concentrate on simply breathing in and out. He smiled.

"You want to fight me this time?" he asked, and Serena scowled at him.

"Do you have any idea how many different pain points there are like that on your body?" Mac asked. "I can keep you screamin' for days and all you'll end up with is bruises. And I can do it all again. And again. That what you want?"

She didn't answer, bracing herself for the nauseating pain again. She wasn't sure how much time passed before he stopped, but she was covered in bruises and her throat was raw from screaming.

"Do you want more? I wonder how long you'll last." He tangled his hand into her hair and yanked her head back viciously, exposing her throat. He licked over her neck and shoulder, then started to bite and suck, his other hand travelling to one of her breasts and squeezing hard. Serena moaned, this time in pain, relieved that her body wasn't betraying her, until she felt his hand travel down between her thighs.

The first couple of times that Mac had done this, he had been incredibly gentle. He made up for it this time. He pushed two fingers in her hard, keeping up the pressure until they were fully scraping her. Serena wasn't sure what hurt the most, him pushing into her or pulling out. She closed her eyes tightly and whimpered, the whimper turning into a scream as he pushed two, then three fingers into her roughly.

"You're so fuckin hot when you scream," Mac whispered into Serena's hair. He started circling his fingers inside her slowly, going as deep as he could. "Scream for me, slut."

She moaned softly, writhing against him in an attempt to reduce the pressure he was using, but it didn't work.

Mac was burning with desire while he watched her whimper and moan for him. He increased the pressure that he was using on her, and was rewarded with a scream of agony that made his dick throb. He leaned down and caught a nipple in his teeth, increased the pressure still further until she was hysterical, then let go. Tears were streaming down her face and he licked them off hungrily. He needed to be inside her before her body started to lubricate in self-defense.  
Serena groaned in relief as Mac pulled his fingers out of her and left her alone for a moment. Her head lolled back and she closed her eyes, trying to rest for a minute. She knew from that the popping sounds of snaps he was dropping his coveralls and coming back towards her. He slid his cheek against hers and murmured the words into her ear, "I am gonna fuck you and you can't do anything about it tough girl." Mac growled, his hand going back to her hair and dragging her head up. Serena averted her eyes automatically. Fear gnawed at her. He lifted her up slightly as he positioned himself at her opening, then slowly pushed into her, the friction burning her pussy already tender and sore from the previous brutal fucking. She had promised herself that he wouldn't have the satisfaction of hearing her scream, but the pain was too much. As he moved inside her, he growled something that she couldn't understand, but she didn't care. Right now, the only thing that she could focus on was the pain in her body.

Hearing her cry as he moved inside her, Mac shuddered in satisfaction. She was still so incredibly tight he had to slow down his movements until they were measured and deliberate to stop himself from coming too soon. She moaned softly in gratitude and he smiled, slid his fingers to her bitten nipple and squeezed. He didn't want her thinking he was going soft on her. He couldn't delay things any further, he was going to come soon. He slid his mouth to the her ear.  
"I'm going to come bitch" he growled, his tone strong and masculine making her almost shudder with desire regardless of the pain in her body. "And you're going to scream for me."

Serena scowled at Mac, every feature on her face expressing loathing and hatred. "Fuck you!"

She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her scream again. She gritted her teeth against the pain that she knew was coming as he increased the speed of his movement inside her.

Mac could feel Serena tensing against him and knew that she was going to do everything in her power to stop herself from screaming. He could easily hit another pressure point and get her to scream that way, but he didn't want to. He wanted a heartfelt scream of pain and despair and he was going to get it.

"Get used to this," he whispered. "It's the only thing you're going to have from now on. You're never going anywhere. You're mine and I'm gonna fuck you til you pass out every day for the rest of your pathetic life, til you're raw and bleeding and you can't even beg anymore."

His words hit home. Serena moaned wretchedly and struggled against him, now her tormentor, in one last futile act of defiance that caused her aching arms to burn. Mac grabbed her ass still sore from earlier and growled low in his throat as the sight of her writhing sent him over the edge into orgasm. He buried himself deep and as he felt his semen spurt inside her she gave him the scream that he wanted, then collapsed against him, sobbing into his chest. Her vagina was raw, bleeding and the hot, salty wetness of Mac's sperm flooding her was like acid burning her insides.

It took Mac several moments to recover before he trusted his legs to keep him upright. He pulled out slowly and sorted out his clothes. She was hanging limply from her bindings, not even bothering to hold herself up on her toes anymore. Her head had flopped forward but what he could see of her face was caked in blood and salt from her tears. Her body was almost entirely covered in bruises and her left nipple had darkened with blood where he had bitten it. She had scratches and nail marks where he had held on to her hips and her ass and his semen was slowly oozing down her leg, tinged pink from blood where he had fucked her raw.

She was beautiful.  
Mac reached up and unhooked Serena from the ceiling, then dumped her on the floor. She didn't even moan as she hit the dirt, and stayed where he had dropped her. Not sure that she didn't still have some meth fight left in her, he didn't untie her wrists. They were raw and bleeding from the rough rope.

Serena was grateful to have her weight taken off her aching arms, and she made the most of it by lying still and appreciating simply being left alone. When she heard his boots stomping away from her, she breathed deeply and curled up into a fetal position. She was vaguely aware of dragging sounds and rustling plastic and figured he was taking the corpses out of the cave. She tensed waiting for her turn.

_The Doctor Lady wants to take my pain away. She puts a needle in my arm and pumps me full of stuff that makes me forget about Johnny, and Mama, and dead kittens and babies on the sidewalk. It's liquid mercy, and it makes me happy. I go to sleep._

_The nurse man is in the room. The one who always wipes his nose with his hand._  
_"You sure are pretty." He says._

_"I am? Mama says I'm not a pretty girl." Because I am the Devil's girl I ask "Do you want to fuck me, Nurse Man? I'll let you, even though my ribs are all broke. All you have to do is get me some more of the happy stuff in the needle. The Doctor Lady hasn't been giving me enough lately. Will you do that for me?"_

_The Nurse Man nods._

_I leave the hospital today. No more happy stuff for me..._

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Serena moaned in dissent as she felt strong hands on her body again, lifting her. Mac. She must have passed out after he finished with her, but it seemed like an age since he had been inside her. Not that the ache in her body had subsided any. He carried her out of the cave, but she didn't have the energy to look where they were going. She laid her head against his chest and closed her eyes. _I'm so glad you didn't go away forever Black Knight. I'm glad you didn't leave me all alone like Johnny did. When I'm alone I remember things. I hate to remember._ She fell back into unconsciousness.

She awoke with a start as she was dumped on a floor. She had no idea where she was or how much time had passed since she had been in the cave. Mac dragged Serena to her feet, holding her against the wall until she got the idea and tried to support her own weight. She was shaking, coming down hard from the meth but she managed to stand upright.

"I'm not dead?" She managed to rasp, her throat raw. She remembered lying on the cave floor believing he was going to kill her and dump her with the others.

"Not yet." He pushed her towards a doorway, and growled "take a shower." In a daze, she wandered through the door and turned on the spray. She got under the water and closed her eyes, stood there for several minutes, the warm water soothing her bruised skin.

She must have taken too long because when she opened her eyes, Mac was standing by the tub staring at her angrily. She backed away as he got into the shower with her. He pinned her against the wall, hot and wet and oh god, already hard again. She needed another hit of crystal if she was gonna be able to handle this. His mouth descended onto hers and she swooned; she had to hold on to his shoulders to keep herself upright. Without drugs and in her exhausted, battered state all she could do was submit, baring her neck for him again. This time he didn't bite quite so hard. Mac paused, thinking Serena was about to pass out again. Not out of kindness; he just didn't want her to miss any of her punishment._ Care? _She was weak from hunger and dehydration, and she hoped that he would let her sleep for a while, but he had other plans. _Care?_ He slapped her until she focused her eyes on him groggily, and made sure that she was awake again.


	6. Slept Like An Angel Woke Like The Devil

He slid his hand down between her legs teasing her center, his fingers rubbing her clit and stroking for a moment. She whimpered softly and opened her legs for him, the whimper becoming an agonised whine as he slid a finger inside her. The pain overwhelmed her fear of retribution, and she put her hand on his wrist and held it still.

"Please Mac," she whispered softly. "It hurts so much. Can we do something else, just for now? Please?" She was shaking, expecting a blow to the head or worse. He considered fucking her in the ass just to punish her for trying to tell him what to do, but he wanted to save that for a special occasion. He grabbed her thighs and roughly pulled them apart.

She winced and sucked in a painful breath. "It hurts too much...down there."

"Think I care how you feel?" He growled moving his hand back down again. She closed her eyes and braced herself. Suddenly she felt raw, hot stinging as he forced two fingers inside. She yelped in pain and her thighs clamped trying to keep him away and stop the agony.

He looked at the bruises and noticed how her inner thighs were scraped red and raw. Her pussy was chafed and swollen. He grunted, proud of his handiwork.

"You liked it when I sucked your cock, I know you did." She whispered, looking up like a porn star parody of an innocent schoolgirl. She completed the look by licking her tongue across her lips suggestively. He gasped as he felt her hand slide down his abdomen and rub just along his cock. He moved back and grunted. "Get on your knees."

He had been looking forward to forcing her to give him a blow job, but this was so much better. She wanted him to leave her brutalized, throbbing pussy alone so badly that she was doing everything she could to make him come.

Without further prompting she sank to her knees and stroked her palms over his thighs before moving her left hand and gently grasped him, stroking up and down. She used her other hand to stroke over the head gently. He let out a low gravelled moan in appreciation and grunted making him sound so sexy Serena shivered.

"Thanks …" She said hoarsely, realizing he listened to her.

He slapped her hard. "Hurry up! No fucking biting or I'll make you sorry."

She grasped his already rock hard dick in her hand again and stroked its underside before she took him in her mouth, slowly licking and sucking. When she ran her tongue over his slit and tasted his precum, he sucked in his stomach and expelled a harsh breath. He didn't want it slow and artful he wanted to fuck her mouth and fuck it hard. He wanted to make sure she knew he wasn't doing her any favors. He grabbed a handful of her hair and took control and thrust into her mouth. Holding her head steady. He groaned at the sensation and because she was taking it so good for him, just like last time. She said he was a real man. Fucking right he was. "You gonna swallow too every fuckin' drop." He ordered between harsh breaths.

"Mmmm..." she moaned around his dick causing his hips to buck hard. She let him slip from her lips and said "I love to taste a real man." Knowing it was what he wanted to hear.

He shoved himself back in with a growl.

Mac had completely lost all ability to think. He slid his hands into Serena's hair and stroked in encouragement. She was talented as hell with her mouth and was driving him crazy. He groaned in contentment as she increased her speed, allowing him to thrust against her at the pace that he wanted. He was getting dangerously close to coming already, so she slowed down to let his arousal subside for the moment.

Serena's original intention had been to distract Mac so that she could attempt an escape. But even the relatively small movements that were currently required of her body made her muscles scream with pain, and her limbs felt twice their normal weight. There was no way that she would be able to outrun him, distracted or not. So, unless she wanted him to realise her plan, she was going to have to actually finish this job. Besides, she had a sick desire to show him could take it.

Mac had to lean against the wall of the shower to stop himself from collapsing as Serena brought him close to orgasm again. This time she didn't slow down, and was rewarded with his salty semen flooding her mouth and dribbling down her chin. She struggled to her feet, still stroking his twitching cock gently as her eyes met his. She opened her mouth so that he could see his white fluid still within it, then swallowed slowly, licking her lips to make sure she hadn't missed any.

Mac couldn't breathe. Serena's performance had been amazing, better than at the bar the other night and the encore was enough to make him ready to fuck her again immediately. He pulled her to him and leaned down to slide a nipple into his mouth, stroking the other one gently. She moaned; he was incredible with his hands when he wanted to be. And his mouth. She wasn't sure if it was the blow job that had done it, but she was suddenly aching with need regardless of the terrible pain in her body. He could change in an instant making her feel agony, then pull her from the depths of brutal pain to sweet ecstasy. Why? This was worse than just the painful torture. It was the confusion. She felt like she was going crazy. Serena could feel an orgasm building, but she knew she was going to need something more to send her over the edge. She whimpered as Mac slid his hand down and over her clit. She badly needed something inside her but she knew that the pain would be overwhelming. "Uhh..."

"Shhh tough girl, I'm not going inside you." He whispered. "Relax." She did as he asked and cried out as the pleasure started to build within her still further. After just moments, she was whining. He slid to his knees and nudged her legs apart. He slid his tongue onto her clitoris, taking it into his mouth and biting its base gently as he sucked on the end. The screaming was building inside.

It took five seconds of this treatment to bring Serena to climax. She keened as her muscles started to contract, and she fell to the floor with a thump as her legs gave way completely. Mac gathered her up and lifted her out of the shower, drying her with a towel so rough she was sure it was really shark skin in disguise.

He led her into a dingy room that consisted of a bed, chair and two filthy windows. He pushed her onto the lumpy uncomfortable mattress and she laid down gratefully, curling into a ball. He left, closing the door behind him quietly. Serena suddenly felt cold as she heard the turning of a key; he had locked her in alone, and with no idea if and when he would come back. She slept fitfully, too tired to keep her eyes open but too afraid to sleep properly. She had no idea how much time passed before she heard the key turning in the lock of her prison again, but she was hungry and thirsty and the ache in her body had dulled slightly, so it must have been a while. She wanted to stay in her fetal position on the bed, but figured it probably wasn't the best idea. When Mac stood over he was much cleaner than she remembered, and had also made the effort to change into a clean set of clothes. The effort hadn't gone as far as shaving, however, so he maintained his rather scruffy, brutal look.  
"Sleep good? Fucking sleeping beauty." He liked his nicknames. "Well?" he asked, grinning sadistically at her appearance. Serena was clean, but her bruises had darkened and her mouth felt swollen from where Mac had hit her. She sneered at him; she wasn't ashamed or embarrassed at her nakedness it was the state of her body that inspired a look of disgust on her face. "Look at me!" She tossed her head back, throwing her long, unruly, tangled black locks over her shoulder so he could see all of his work.

"Nothing that won't heal," he replied. "Can change that though, start slicing you open leaving scars. Cut off parts that you would miss."

He pulled the tin from his back pocket and after wiping the powder hurriedly over his gums, realized she must be needing a little hair of the dog about now. Help her keep up maybe even show more of that fight from last night. He chuckled and held it out to her.

She copied him and rubbed the bitter powder on her top gums then licked her finger clean.

Serena was in a weird delirium. Her body was exhausted from the constant abuse and climaxes, but the meth soon rushed her system, clearing her mind and she was quite alert to what was going on. Her thoughts started to race.

He was going to kill her. If that happened, he would be without a plaything to torture. So it was death or this? The pain that she had already suffered had been excruciating, but he could do a lot worse.  
She was letting him think that he was winning, and at first it was almost entirely a pretense. But Serena was tiring, and she knew it. Nobody could withstand torture indefinitely. She had to find a way out of this situation as quickly as possible, before she'd had too much and he tired of her. Her thoughts continued to rush and swirl. The only problem was, she was locked up 100% of the time. That, and her body was slowly losing the ability to perform even the most basic actions as her muscles ached more and more.  
Unless of course she **wanted** to stay on as Mac's plaything; he had said that she belonged to him now. He'd said a lot of things that had terrified her at the time, but her panicked brain was now clutching to them as proof that perhaps he wouldn't kill her. But if she was a mess, would he even want her for that? Was she even thinking straight? The futility of Serena's predicament was beginning to sink in. She didn't want to die, but she was either going to die or become a slave to the whims of Mac until he was bored with her. She'd gotten herself into some crazy, messy situations but this.. this whole thing was unreal.

He sat beside her on the bed and grabbed her jaw.

"C'mon Mac." Serena begged hoarsely. "Enough huh? This is crazy. This... game or whatever you wanna call it, it's over now okay. We had a run. Now I need to go. I want to go home."

Mac's eyes darkened in anger. His grip on her jaw became cruel. "You killed four fucking people, and I know about it. Where you gonna go?"

"You were there too. So we have something on each other. I won't say anything. Look it's over okay, let me go."

"You really that stupid? Am I going to have to break you?" he asked, stroking her cheek surprisingly gently. "Don't you get it? You're mine."

Mac released his grip on Serena's jaw, throwing her head to the side in disgust. He retrieved his tin and rubbed more powder on his gums. He took a deep breath of rage.

When she looked back at him, she got a glimpse of something moving towards her face at high speed, and then there was the familiar sickening crack of a fist connecting with her face.

The beating continued for what felt like an eternity. The nerve she had, telling him to let her go. She felt weak from hunger and dehydration now that the crystal was exhausted from her system. She began to dry heave violently; her body had nothing to throw up but it made her suffer shuddering pains nonetheless. He hit her another couple of times, but she was fading in and out of consciousness every few seconds. He rubbed more meth on her gums. She came to and started mumbling something.

"I am a bare lightbulb girl hanging by a thin wire all too exposed, seeing more than I wanted to, more than I asked to, the pain and the pity of this life, of dreams gone by, I've seen myself in the faces of the damned and prayed to an unseen god in case he listens to bad girls."

Serena kept repeating random lyrics from her songs to hold herself together. She couldn't lose her mind now. She had to keep up with him.

Mac couldn't make out what she was saying. He decided she'd had enough. For now. When he locked the door behind him, the sound of the key turning was magnified in Serena's mind. She covered her ears with her hands.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

He returned several hours later to find her out cold. He allowed his fingers to wander over her body, enjoying the feel of her cool, soft skin. He was amazed at the delicate texture which was a stark contrast to the hard calluses on his hands. The smaller bruises on her body were being disguised by the larger ones caused by the latest beating that she had endured, and she still looked beautiful.

Serena woke slowly to find rough fingertips stroking over her skin. She was out of it and tried to pretend that she was still asleep, but her pretence was spoiled when the fingers traced over her nipples and she moaned as the callused skin aggravated her bruises. Her assailant slid his palms fully against her breasts and squeezed, and Serena came back to reality instantly recognising the hands as Mac's. She leaned her head back and relaxed into him, trying to avoid provoking his aggression.

Mac slid one hand up into her hair and pulled her head upright, then leaned in and kissed her. She moaned again, arched against him until he slid both hands to her ass and held up her against him. He started to grind against her slowly; he was aching to be inside her right away, but he wanted her to beg this time. She broke the kiss and whimpered "Oh god, Mac" into his ear, her breathing ragged. He smiled smugly, slid his middle finger into her mouth and let her suck for a moment until it was slick with her saliva. He slid it over her clit for a couple of seconds, then pressed gently.

Serena yelped as Mac stroked, easing his wet finger in her. The pain inside her had lessened considerably since she woke up and his movements her were beginning to feel good. She knew that she shouldn't let him do this, that she should fight or scream or do anything but coöperate, but when he touched her like this it took away the pain from the rest of her body. And that was worth an awful lot right now. He continued to stroke until she was squirming, dangerously close to orgasm. And then he stopped.

"Tell me what you want," he whispered into her ear hoarsely. Serena whined, a pained look on her face, but he wouldn't touch her.

"Please let me come," she whispered softly. Mac stroked his finger over her clit again slowly, but only once.

"That all you want?" he asked, and she shook her head.

He asked again. "What do you want?"

Serena closed her eyes, her cheeks flushed the screaming building up within her. "I need you inside me," she whispered, and he stroked her again in encouragement. She moaned in pleasure.

"You can do better than that," he whispered, and she sighed shakily. She knew what he wanted her to say.

"Please fuck me Mac," she whispered. After another moment, she added, "hard." He growled softly at that, slid his tongue back into her mouth and kissed her, his mouth bruising hers brutally. She curved up against him again and opened her mouth as she kissed back. Mac reached around then picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.

He set her back down on her feet and threw her against the wall, pinning her with the weight of his body. He slid his hand into her hair, holding her so that she had to look him in the eye.

"Tell me again," he growled, his eyes burning into hers. Serena felt a wave of heated shameful pleasure ripple through her body at the thought of having to repeat herself while looking into his eyes.

"Fuck me," she eventually whispered, almost too quiet for him to hear. Then louder, "Fuck me hard."

Mac shuddered in response and pressed his mouth against Serena's ear. "Tell me what you want," he growled again. "Do you want to be on top?"

"No," she replied, and Mac smiled against her ear.

"You want me on top of you don't you?" he asked and Serena had to slide her hands to his shoulders and cling on to stop herself from feeling faint. "You want my weight on you, holding you down so you can't move, can't breathe?"

"Uh huh," Serena whimpered as he whispered into her ear. "Please!"

Mac leaned back and looked into the girl's eyes again, letting her see the look of barely-contained desire and just-controlled violence on his face. She moaned in shock, her eyes darkening in pleasure at her ability to drive him so totally wild. He grasped her chin viciously as he wiped all traces of desire from his face and replaced it with the cold brutality that had made her so wet when he first touched her. She gasped, half in fear, and half in anticipation. He could change in an instamt. Pull the rug. Turn Scorpion.

Mac yanked her away from the wall, roughly threw her onto the bed then faced away from her as he kicked off his boots. He turned back towards her as he tosed his knife to the mattress. Serena was sitting up in the middle of the bed, her hands braced against the mattress, and her legs slightly apart and shaking violently. She skittered as far away as possible, pressing her knees together hard as Mac unzipped his pants and stalked towards her, utterly predatory.

He grabbed her as he got onto the bed, dragged her by the legs until she was back in the middle, then forced her thighs apart. He wedged himself between her legs, tugged his boxers down out of the way and pressed himself against her opening, pinning her wrists above her head. She cried out in pain as he thrust into her hard and settled his weight on top of her. Her heart was beating crazily with fear, but her body betrayed her as within what seemed like only moments, her muscles clenched around him and her back arched in orgasm.

Mac groaned in pleasure as he felt her contracting around his cock erratically. He continued to thrust hard inside her, waiting until she had recovered from her orgasm. When her eyes started to focus on him again, he leaned down and slid his mouth against her ear.

"Did you like that, tough girl?" he growled, his voice guttural again in arousal. "Do you like being held down and fucked by a killer?"

She whined in response, arched against him as she whispered "oh yeah," into his ear.

"Aint so tough now are ya? You moan like a whore," he said sliding his hand to her ass so that he could pull her against him even harder. "You're my dirty little slut. Aren't you? Like being my little slut? Pretty little slut." He breathed the words on her.

_Mama told me I'm not pretty._

Serena's body was burning twice as much as he called her a slut and a whore, and she liked it. She had never felt so desired in all her life. "Yes," she whispered in reply, and he shuddered.

"Say it," he growled, releasing his grip on her ass so that he could force her to look at him. "Tell me what a slut you are."  
"I'm a slut and a whore, and I need you so much! Oh god Mac, please don't stop."  
"Do you want to feel me come in you?" he asked, his voice hoarse and his head spinning. His eyes rolled back in his head with pleasure when Serena called herself a whore for him.

_"I'd just die if you were a whore. I'd just die. Is that what you want? Do you want me to die? Devil girl. You'll be the death of me, you will! I'll take you to the preacher man he'll drive the whore out of you, mama yelled._

_I'm not going you can't make me go. I am a whore mama I am I am!" Serena shouted back.  
_  
"Oh god yes!" she groaned. "But not yet!"

He smiled viciously. "You want more?" he growled, sinking his teeth into her throat.  
She cried out in pain. "Yes!"

"You still need more, little slut?" he asked. "What does that make you?"

"I'm a total whore for you, Mac" she whispered. "I'm your whore. Oh god, please let me come again. I need it...unnhh!"

Mac slid his hand between their bodies and rested just to the side of Serena's clit. She whined in desperation and he smiled, a sadistic glint in his eye.

"You're mine," he growled. "Say it."

She did as he asked.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard you scream for me like this every night. You understand?" She did. "And nobody else is ever going to touch you, understand?"  
Serena whispered another yes to Mac's final question. She would have said yes to anything. He slid his thumb on to her clit and stroked gently, then harder. Serena went rigid and let out a guttural moan as she finally exploded into orgasm again. The contractions were even harder this time and they pushed Mac over the edge into his own sexual bliss. He groaned "Oh, fuck you goddamned dirty little whore!" As he thrust into her one final time, shuddering as his orgasm took control of him completely and he collapsed on top of his exhausted, beautiful little captive.

Without a word, Mac left Serena alone in the dingy room once again. She was starting to hate the isolation. She drew herself into a ball and shivered in the darkness. Her head was a lot clearer with him gone, and the crystal in her system. She growled angrily as shame-filled tears started to fall down her face. Did he really think of her as a slut and a whore, or had he only said it to get a reaction? She hated that she liked it. She didn't want to._ He said beautiful...pretty, but also whore, slut.. it's all the same.. it's all mixed up in my head..._

Even though she'd had little choice but to let him screw her if she wanted to survive, and even though he made her come harder than ever before in her life, she couldn't help but feel used.

His opinion of her mattered to Serena she realised suddenly. And it should. He was the one who would decide what to do with her. Her tears of frustration intensified as a cold feeling of dread fell over her. He was rapidly becoming her only possible escape route. What if he lost interest? She sobbed in confusion. She had no way of knowing what he wanted or what he was thinking, so there was little point in dwelling on it.

She was thirsty and aching and hungry…

_Oh, my legs won't move, oh air tastes like poison. I'm scared to breathe. Everything is getting blurry now. I'll never see the pretty lights again. I'm so scared. Black Knight come save me. Come take me away from here and make me happy again. I don't want to go to hell. Mama says all whores go to hell. But the Black Knight put me here. Why am I all alone? What did I do wrong? Oh please. God, tell me. I'm not bad Mama I swear... I swear... I'm so scared.  
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm_

_It's day out now and the room has no curtains. How long have I been here?_

The dingy light pouring through the dirty window panes hurt her eyes. _Need to sleep more. Nowhere to go... Just sleep._

She needs to sleep but can't. She can't hide in sleep.

The sun is going down and taking the light and heat with it. The sky turns deep purple and fills the room with its hue. The old spring mattress on Mac's bed was uncomfortable and she didn't have a blanket. The air smelled like old sex.  
On closer inspection of the room noticed that Mac had left a cup of water, a small baggie of crystal and straw on the floor for her. She reached out an aching arm until she managed to lift the cup towards herself. Trying not to gulp, she finished the rest of the water. She then did a line off of her thigh and laid back down on the bed of her prison. She noticed the walls for the first time. Charcoal and pencil sketches of spiders everywhere. Some finished others abandoned left half drawn. They all looked like black widow spiders. They lured their victims, wrapped in their web and sucked the life out of them until they were just empty dried up husks. The crystal made Serena's mind race and she couldn't stop thinking about spiders. Why was he so obsessed with drawing the spiders? She remembered researching them for some songs she'd written.

She recalled that Jung referred to spiders _as a symbol of the devouring mother archetype like Kali, Durga, and Medusa, Jungian psychologists conclude that on a subconscious level men particularly see women as a symbol of death, and the spider - who consumes its male mate - is a powerful universal symbol of this subconscious belief._

Her mind was so hyper on the meth she actually saw the words in print that she'd researched.

_Since Freud, psychoanalysis has brought these two aspects together - interpreting the spider's infantile, dream-like existence in man's subconscious as the wicked mother of whom the child is afraid. For the psychoanalyst Karl Abraham the spider represented not only evil but also the "phallic" mother. The biological fact that the male spider' size is smaller than the female means that copulation presents a risk to his life. Abraham made the connection between a scientific fact and the existence of a dreamlike symbol; the spider phobia was an expression of the fear of incest on the one hand and the fright of the devouring vagina on the other hand._

It was a simplification to say this, but, Mac hated women, feared them so he had to try to destroy them? Her mind kept racing. She wished she had her journal and a pen. She had to write these things down. They were brilliant. Her observations….Mac and spiders and his mother...he hated women….what did it mean he hated his mother like she hated her mother...but she feared her mother too. Her mother tried everything to get the evil out of her. The preachers... the snake handlers...the thoughts kept rolling over and over like a giant yarn ball in her head. She needed to write them down, damn it, she'd lose the thoughts they'd be gone She stood and began to pace.

It was like Serena's own obsession with snakes. She attributed it to the Preacher man and how he threatened to make her hold his poisonous rattlers telling her if she was truly the Devil's child the would kill her but if she was pure and a good child of God she could hold them and they wouldn't hurt her. A fucked up witch trial. It never happened. She ran away before it could. But she dreamed of snakes. Rich had explained away her phobia in analysis.

_For instance, when snakes come in dreams, we can spend a whole hour with this snake talking about your cruel, controlling religious fanatic mother, talking about your anxiety, talking about your once repressed now hyper sexuality, all of it. Because the moment you've defined the snake and interpreted it you've stopped it. The task of analysis is to keep the snake away. We know what it represents so its lost its power._ Serena nodded but didn't believe him.

_"But I am a afraid the snake will kill me. Bite me and fill me with poison because I am the Devil's girl. Momma said._

She returned to the bed full of nervous energy and started picking at the scabbing blisters on her wrists from rope burn. _I'm gonna die here. But I gotta get all these scabs picked off first._

Her wrists raw and bloody, she finally crashed. She curled into a ball and shivered against the cold until sleep claimed her once again and she'd dream of snakes and spiders.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mac was playing with fire, and he knew it. He had never before met a woman who was as stubborn as this girl. She was a lot tougher than he had originally suspected, and he was glad of it. He respected her tenacity, regardless of the fact that she was making his life difficult. Things were starting to get complicated.

He'd spent hours at the cave finishing orders, then checked in with Harley. Harley knew Mac broke Serena out of jail but since there was no proof, he couldn't do a damn thing about it. Apparently some guy was in town looking for her. Harley told Mac it was her band's manager. The guy told Harley she'd pulled crap like this before and he knew he'd find her on a binge in a motel room somewhere or shacked up with some guy. He would look around but then wait it out. Harley also complained he was getting calls from some guy named Rich Trainer at a rehab place.

"Wh-wh what's going on Mac?"

"Nothing. You don't know anything there is nothing to say to anybody."

"Wh-what happened to Serena? What d-did you do?"

"Know better than to ask Harley. If I tell you, you'd be part of it. You want that?" Mac didn't wait for answer just headed out to his truck.

He sat in the cab smoking.

The parents of those girls were nosing around too. Walter was on his case. Did the old man think he was stupid? After all this time after everything Mac had done? All the messes he'd cleaned up, never leaving a trace? Never interfering with his precious** business.** Always the business. It as all the motherfucker cared about. Not Mac. Not his son, just the fucking business. Mac was a slave to it, to Walter. He grabbed his bottle of whiskey from the glove box and took a long swig. He tried to calm down by thinking about the pain he'd caused Serena. He knew every pressure point on the human body because Walter had shown him. Walter had used them on him when he was a kid. He knew where they were and how much they hurt. He didn't want to think about any of that shit. Fuck Walter. Never gave him credit for anything never would. Mac told him nobody would find anything. They'd all get tired of looking and move on. Nothing to find. No one to find. He blocked it out and focused on Serena again.

It was getting close to the time to get rid of her too. He admired her courage, but in the end it would come to nothing, and they both knew it. it was just a matter of time.

He chugged more whiskey.

But she was so beautiful - bruised, bleeding and most of the time scared out of her mind. He'd beaten her, raped her and humiliated her, and for some reason, she still wanted him. He'd never met anyone else who could handle as much pain as he could. It was lke Serena been made for him. Her milky skin, silky hair and huge, dark, trusting china baby eyes. Broken little dollgirl.

He pictured those eyes staring out from a milk carton or all those other places they put pictures of lost children. They all had those big trusting eyes.

_She's not pretty, she is beautiful. _

"She's all mine" he muttered as if he owned her.

"She's all mine." He murmured like a prayer

"She's all mine" he said with finality, knowing it was true.

His knife, his favorite instrument of torture, felt warm and right in his hand. He had no problem with hurting her; he'd already made her scream until she was coughing up blood, but that had been with his own hands. It was intimate and personal and he hadn't done any permanent damage. Yet. This was going to be a different thing entirely. And she would never be the same afterwards. However, unconsciously, he was the one who carried the scars.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

The sharp pain of a knife pressing into her throat woke Serena with a start. She flinched back from the sensation to find Mac standing over her again, the knife still in his hand.

"Am I going to have to make you bleed?" He moved closer grabbed her arm and yanked her from the bed then slammed her against the wall. He ground his already throbbing erection against the front of her thigh and rested the point of the knife on the back of it. He paused for a moment.

_This is it. He's done with me. He wants to kill me. Okay, I go out my way._

"Tell me to stop," Mac ordered. He wanted her to beg for her life.

_I'll finally get to heaven momma. I'll be a pretty girl, pure._

Serena looked at him with those dark doll eyes. She shook her head. She did something better than beg and he almost came in his pants when she said. "I'm dirty. Make me bleed. Let out my blood and send me someplace clean. Please. Blood purifies." Her teeth bit down on his shoulder as he increased the pressure on the knife until he broke the skin, and he slid his free hand into the hair at the nape of her neck and stroked gently. She released her bite in order to moan softly in pain, the moan quickly rising into a scream as the blade cut deeper.

Mac was feeling something, something he couldn't understand when she'd said 'please' without any prompting or threat.

"I want to be clean, please make me clean, make me worthy…" she cried as the stinging increased and the blood ran hot down her leg.

"_Though you wash yourself with lye  
and use much soap,  
the stain of your guilt is still before me,  
declares the Lord God."*_

_The preacher man shouted the words at me. Oh please I'm sorry please don't open the box, the box of snakes by your feet. _

Mac was mesmerized watching the blood running down Serena's thigh to drip off her foot and collect into a red puddle on the floor. He slid his mouth to her ear, rasping "Its beautiful."  
Serena gasped at the emotion in Mac's voice. _Maybe he does still want me?"_

*Jeremiah 2:22


	7. The Hunger

I'm all washed in the blood of the lamb

I'm all clean I'm all spotless

I'm all pure like the snow

I'm all washed in the blood of the lamb

She was dizzy from blood loss and her vision started to fade. Serena realized she was finally going…she grasped Mac's shoulders as her head dropped forward. "Cut me again." She rasped, unable to keep her eyes open.

She wanted to hear the tone in his voice again, the approval the desire the …love? When he said her blood was beautiful was it love? It could very well be the last thing she'd ever hear. He raised her chin with the flat side of the bloody knife and locked her eyes with his lust filled gaze. He appeared hungry, yet at the same time seemed to be angry at her for looking away.

"Look at me." he growled making Serena dizzy even as she rallied, feeling more sure of this moment than anything else in her life. She nodded her head as the steel caressed her cheek, languidly scraping a path down her flesh. He stared into her eyes again and she saw the animal inside them and knew she would be hurt badly before it was done.

The world exploded around her in a haze of pleasure as the knife drew across the side of her right breast and she felt him press his hard length against her belly. It happened so fast the pain hardly registered in her brain. She felt a burning sensation from the cut and then a sting as he lapped at the blood that flowed from her breast. Despite the discomfort, she whimpered with unbearable need as he began to suckle the wound. He sucked until her blood slowed again. He lifted his face to hers and kissed her roughly. Driving his tongue into her mouth deeply, she tasted her own blood. When he pulled away from her his faced was flushed as if he was drunk. Then he shifted his body weight so that their hips met. His pants were still zipped so although she could feel his erection against her opening, the material stopped him from touching her directly. She could feel his body heat radiating against her, and she moaned softly in despair. She writhed against him and her hands went for his zipper, trying to free his straining cock and force him to enter; she was desperate and fully ready for him.

Her breath left her in a gasp as his hand pressed with bruising force against her throat, an unmistakable punishment for her actions. "Don't. Fucking. Move. Bitch."

Each word was clearly pronounced as his hand continued to grip her throat. She pulled her arms back from his crotch as if burned. Catching herself before she nodded her head in understanding she tried to let her eyes convey her apology, her acceptance, her surrender, her submission. Her last acts on this earth, to further purify her. The air rushed into her lungs in a heady burst as his hand left her throat, and she fought to swallow. This time when she felt his manhood grind against her skin she knew that she shouldn't move, yet some inner demon begged her to defy him, to force him to punish her. Even now at what she knew was the end she was unable to stop herself despite the possible repercussions so she thrust forward riding his thigh._ It feels so good on my bad place. Mama I am I am the Devil's girl. Even now..._

_"Can I give it a name?"_

_"This aint no goddamned pet!" Mama yelled as the man she made me called daddy pulled into the yard with a lamb in the back of his pick up. Then the preacher man was there with mama telling daddy what to do. He ties the poor lamb's hind legs with a rope and hoisted it up over the tree branch in the back yard. Then they lowered the terrified animal until its nose was a couple of feet off the ground._

_I didn't want to see it and tried to leave but mama grabbed my arm and twisted it tight. "You aint going anywhere." Then the preacher man slit the lamb's throat with mama's butcher knife he took from the kitchen. The blood poured into a five gallon feed bucket. The preacher man said it was to purify my so I wouldn't turn into a whore. Mama had heard too many things about me and the neighbor boys and decide to get serious. I watched until the lamb's neck stopped dripping. Mama was gonna wash me in it. Blood is the purest sacrifice._

Fear surged through her body heightening her pleasure and hesitantly she met his gaze, immediately regretting her actions as she saw his dark smile. She thought she probably could have handled his anger, but his smile...

Wondering what her punishment would be, she was unprepared until she felt the blade move across her stomach and down to her mound. She tried to remain still, afraid her movement would cause the knife to cut her. She felt the cold blade press against her moist slit. Any sound she would have made as she gasped in shock and renewed fear was stolen as his mouth covered hers his teeth grazing her lips as they retreated.

"Should I? That what you want fucking slut?"

She could barely hear his words over the pounding of her heart, could barely process their meaning over the fear. Making sure to keep her lower body very still she slowly shook her head no, hoping that he would stop even as she wondered about what it would feel like if he did. If it was just a little cut...

Reality came surging back to her as she felt the blade kiss her skin, parting the velvety flesh of her pussy as softly as a hesitant lover. A quick sharp prick and trickle of blood slowly spilled from the wound and she closed her eyes to the stinging , overcome by pleasure, pain, and an overpowering need. She whimpered slightly as he draw the blade away, only to sigh out his name as she felt the blade dig back into her thigh sharp and quickly.

He cut her across her thigh and watched the dark red contrast on her pale skin as more crimson flowing down her leg in thick free streams. Serena heard the moan it brought to him when he finally allowed himself to lick. He drank from her thigh and then brought the knife up across her stomach and made a long cut reaching just under her breasts. He drew back up and down. The blade was so sharp she hardly felt it slice what almost looked like an M. He followed the pattern with his tongue catching the dripping blood. It was not as deep as her thigh and so bled less.  
His eyes were almost as glazed as Serena's but he still had that animal look to him and she knew she should be terrified as he seemed to get more satisfaction out of the blood the more he cut her. He was in ecstasy. It was what he'd fantasized about, carving into that lily-white flesh, drawing patterns with her blood, drinking it in. He owned this bitch, more than he'd ever owned any other before her. She was part of him now. Completely.

"Uh un unnnnn" Serena moaned and almost slid down the wall when he sank to his knees and threw her legs over his shoulders giving him free access to lap at the streams of blood still flowing from her thigh and the trickle from her pussy. He tasted her juices mixed with copper tang of blood and shuddered as his slick tongue was coated in her scarlet essence. He snaked his tongue up inside her hot, wet channel then gently and slowly licked her clit, sucking on it until her entire body shook and she began to make deep, almost guttural sounds in her throat as he allowed her to come.

She swore he said it again...beautiful? Was she? Her head spun and she knew she was fading. Finally.

_Blood cleans you, cleans your soul that's what momma and the preacher man said._

_mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm_

She came to consciousness slowly. She was bouncing lightly on the bed. Her body was in so much pain she couldn't get her bearings, but then a stinging slap to her cheek startled her clearing her mind and her vision. How long had he been fucking her while she was unconscious?

"Wake up, whore. I had to keep myself busy since you weren't good company and fell asleep on me." With a whimper, her eyes opened wide, and she stared at him for a moment before closing them, and turning her face away. This was the afterlife?

She couldn't help herself and almost began to laugh hysterically at the thought she might be dead after all. She began to giggle hysterically at the notion._ This was heaven?_ _Oh momma you would be so mad. Or maybe hell after all?_  
Disturbed by her laughter, Mac slapped her again. "Crazy bitch. Think this is funny? Think I'm funny?"

The feel of him plunging in her stopped all her laughter, as her body involuntarily arched against his and a gasp was torn from her lips. Drawing back, almost completely out of her, he paused for a moment to retrieve his tin from the bedside table. He rubbed bitter crystal on her gums and made her lick it from his fingers to wake her up fully.

"Now we can go for hours." He said menacingly as he rammed himself back in. Her already bruised and cut body protested the abuse, but the pleasure drowned out any pain that she felt. He continued to slowly, teasingly, draw back and plunge deeply in, then his thrusts became slower, until he was moving at a snail's pace in and out of her. Feeling the drug surge she rotated her hips, she silently entreated him to take her hard, to pick up the pace.

"You want me?" His breath was hot against her cheek as he paused, with only the very tip of him still inside of her. He looked at her like he wanted to eat her; he narrowed his dark, blazing blue hateful eyes full of the knowledge of what he was doing to her. He was making her crave him, need him. He gave her a look of power and disgust.

"Yes." Unable to deny the truth with her body wanting his touch, she admitted it without hesitation as the slow burn welled up snaking its way through her every organ, every crevice feeling good and bad cold and hot all at the same time, confusing like the first time a boy ever touched her down there; she wasn't sure exactly what she was feeling knowing it was supposed to be bad but also knowing it was something she couldn't get enough of would never be able to get enough of.

"Like me to fuck that dirty little pussy of yours?" He hissed slowly, expelling his hot breath in her ear. Wicked dirty sinful. As tempting as the serpent from the garden of Eden.

"Then say it bitch."

This time she hesitated slightly, almost hating herself for the desperate need her body felt. In the span of just a few days, her body had become addicted to his. "Please fuck me..."

He thrust into her deeply and quickly, answering her plea, before once again drawing back.

"Again." He grunted

"...Please..."

He once more rewarded her for asking. "Again."

"Plea-se." The force of his thrust made the word catch in her mouth, before he once again drew back, this time he almost slipped completely out of her before she whispered the magical word.

"Please. Please. Please. Please. Please." Each word was punctuated with his body hammering into hers. As soon as she stopped asking, he stopped thrusting.

"Bet you wanna come don't ya?"

"Yeah," she moaned "Please uh." He thrust. "Please, uh, please." And again. Her voice was a well of need, filled by each taunting thrust.

"Beg." There was nothing better than to hear a woman beg, submit to him like they should. He owned their cunts. His mouth descended on her neck, biting her, marking his territory.

Knowing suddenly that this was just a way of proving his dominance, while at the same time realizing just how helpless she truly was, Serena felt tears of frustration begin to slip from her eyes.

"Keep begging or else." His gruff commanding words were chains trying to imprison her.

"Please. Please. Please...please...please..." At some point her words had changed. She was no longer begging for more, she wasn't sure exactly what she was begging for. She didn't really want him to stop necessarily since his body was still sending ripples of fire through hers, but it definitely was not more of his taunting, his disgust.

"Louder." His voice was a harsh demand, showing no mercy.

"Please. Please!" She nearly screamed the words letting all of her anger and frustration out in that one hateful word as he pounded into her. "No! Fuck you! Fuck you goddamned son of a bitch, I hate you! I hate you, sick fuck...get off...!" Why wasn't she dead? She was supposed to be dead.

"You're makin' me love you," he responded, his body pounding into her even more painfully, showing her his anger. "You're one sick twisted slut. Dirty little cunt, you love this nasty fucking whore. Now keep begging! Louder!" his voice was a nearly mindless scream against her heart, making her wince.

"Please..." Unable to hold onto her anger as pain completely overcame pleasure she was barely able to whimper the word as he slammed into her.

She gasped as she felt his body tightening as he neared his own climax. With a feeling of relief, she began to say please in earnest, this time begging for his release so he would stop. His body hammered into hers, beginning to draw blood from her bruised and battered flesh.  
Their bodies pounded out a harsh rhythm against each other as the both spiraled towards release.

Then, when she didn't think she could take anymore , she felt his teeth sink deeply into her right breast sending waves of pleasure and pain throughout her body as he reopened the wound he'd made with his knife. She wished she could wait for his release, but couldn't restrain herself as wave upon wave of pleasure course through her, causing her to shatter into a million fragments. She continued to beg please as he exploded within her, filling her completely. "Dirty little cunt!" He let out and animalistic grunt and collapsed heavily on top of her.

After he caught his breath, he grabbed her chin and pulled her face up to his. "Aww you begged so nice," he sneered. "So I let you come. What do say?"

"Thank you." She said still breathing hard.

"I'm the only man ever make you come so hard. That's how a real man does it."

She nodded, unable to speak or to think.

As the world reformed itself once more, Mac lay on top of her, still inside. Serena was no longer sure who her body belonged to.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

_I walk into the Church of God With Signs with mama holding my hand tight making sure I can't get away. I hate going to services. The white clapboard building is hot and stuffy and overcrowded. The small choir singing "Sinner You Better Get Ready" is making me dizzy. Too loud, too ugly and off-key. The people around us are dressed up the ladies wear pearls and diamond pins and smell like hairspray and baby powder; the men wear suits and string ties and smell like mouthwash and body odor. The boys are looking at me. They are always looking at me. I know Little Mike wants to meet me out behind his house later. That's how the boys look at me. They want me. My hair is always down and my mama makes all my clothes and I usually go barefoot. This morning though I'm wearing a starched store-bought dress and tight unyielding shoes and my hair is pulled back so tight my eyes are in a squint. Mama pressed and primped me to the point of immobility all because I have to go church. I want desperately to leave. Outside is right and I can't get there._

_Jesus would hate this place._

_Mama makes us sit in the first pew. I hold my breath and try not to look at the wooden box by the Preacher man's feet. The one with the padlock, the one making the hissing noises._

_Today was different. The preacher man reached down under the altar and brought up a gallon jar-a dark mass of something seeming to be boiling up in it. Everybody leaned forward a bit on the benches._

_Someone called out "Praise God!"_

_"That's right, that's right friend," Preacher man said giving the jar a violent shake._

_"Brothers and sisters let me tell you something. Before I found the Holy Ghost I was scared plumb to death of spiders. Ever since I was a little sprout hiding under my mamas long skirts spiders crawled through my dreams laying eggs in my nightmares. They was hanging webs everywhere waiting on me, it didn't matter asleep or awake. It's an awful way to live, in fear all the time and that's what hell is like brothers and sisters. I never got no peace from them weight of them eight legged devils . Not until I found the lord."_

_He dropped to his knees, shook that jar one more time then twisted of the lid. Preacher man looked out over us all and holding that jar up over his head he took a deep breath and turned it over. A mass of spiders, black ones, brown ones, orange striped ones fell on top of his head and shoulders. His body shook and as he got to his feet and began shaking his arms and legs all the spiders falling to the floor and scurrying away. He was screaming then "Praise the Lord" and most of the women screamed too. I tried to get up and run, but mama held me tight in my seat. I saw some skitter around my feet and I was afraid they were gonna bite me. I stayed so still, so still they crawled right over my shoes._

_"No Devil girl, this is how we test our faith."_

Serena woke up to find herself staring right at one of Mac's drawings, a huge black spider on the wall opposite the bed. Lying still naked she was covered by a blanket. He must have given it to her while she was out. The sheet underneath her was already dirty but now it was also stained with her blood. Her stomach was growling and she was in desperate need to pee, regardless of the fact that she couldn't possibly have a spare drop of water in her body. She sat up and slid her feet to the floor, and experimented in standing up slowly. Blood and semen were dried thickly between her legs. Her open wounds were throbbing, her bones ached and her thigh felt like it was burning, but she was damned if she was going to let herself fall over. She was still alive, and that was worth more than a sore leg. She hobbled to the door and was amazed to find it unlocked.

She stuck her head out of the door slowly, suspicious of suddenly being allowed some degree of freedom to roam in her surroundings. When no danger was immediately apparent, she crept out of the room in search of a bathroom. Once that bodily function was satisfied, she stood in front of the grimy mirror above the dirty sink. Her face was flushed body feverish with pain. Her eyes were bloodshot. _I can't run away cause I'm not stuck anywhere but in this hot pink skin. It was always about running away._

_Momma left pamphlets like The Hound of Heaven" on my nightstand, the message was that God would hunt you down, like a tireless bloodhound, no matter what you did. The narrow, exclusive, punitive God she believed in, that is. You could run, but you could never escape._

She turned on the faucet and splashed water on her face then cupped her hands and brought them to her mouth again and again gulping as much as she could. She contemplated a shower but heard him shout from down the hall.

"Sleeping beauty finally up huh?" he must have heard the faucet. She crept down the hall realizing Mac was home and she'd better ask for permission to wash up.

Mac was sitting at the kitchen table, efficiently sharpening his knife. Serena stood shaking in the doorway, unsure if she was going to anger him by having left the bedroom. Although it seemed as if she was no longer under immediate threat of death, she knew that she had only bought herself a limited amount of time. And even that was dependent on keeping this clearly unstable man happy.

She smelled the familiar scent of whiskey and engine oil and was suddenly reminded of the first time that Mac had touched her. Her cheeks were already flushed red as he glanced over at her, his eyes lingering for a moment on her still-naked body, and then motioned for her to come closer. She sat down in the chair opposite him and watched him work, not daring to speak. He poured her a shot of whiskey.

She shook her head. "Water, can I have…"

"You're having whiskey."

Serena hoped she wouldn't puke, downing the alcohol on an empty stomach. If rock and roll had trained her for anything it was drinking.

She tossed it back and then grabbed the bottle taking a second, drowning out any nausea that he first may have caused. The anesthesia effects of the alcohol hit her fast and she felt some of her physical pain subside.

Although he wasn't talking to her, Mac didn't seem as angry with her. Something about the cutting, the blood…. She'd given him what he wanted, and so some sort of pressure was now off. She wondered what it would mean for their twisted little relationship.

She looked around and was shocked to see her phone on the kitchen table. Strange. Although there was so much trash and debris he probably didn't notice it sitting there under crumpled paper and beer bottles. She wanted to reach for it but had no way to hide it, having nothing on.

She also noticed her black duffel bag on the floor by the back door. It was open and he'd obviously rifled through it. Maybe some day he would trust her enough to let her wear clothes again, she thought to herself, her face twisting in an ironic grimace.

"What? Mac asked gruffly as he noticed the expression on Serena's face as she stared at her stuff. She blushed even more deeply, looked down at the table in front of her.  
"Nothing," she whispered, her voice shaking a little in fear. She was disgusted to realize that the fear was real. She hated that he made her feel that way. "I... just thought it would be nice to have some clothes. Fuck Mac my stuff its right there. I'm cold, okay jesus it's so fucking cold in here. And a shower? Look at me look at all the blood …"

Finishing with his prized possession, Mac stood up, his face stern. Serena gulped in fear. He sneered then turned so she wouldn't see his smile. He washed his hands in the old kitchen sink and turned back towards her. She stood up as he stalked closer, backing away in fright. He grabbed her by the throat and pinned her against the wall.

"Making demands already?" He asked, and she shook her head quickly.

"No!" she whispered, a desperate edge to her voice. "I'm sorry. I'm just so cold, and disgusting."

He kissed her, sliding one hand into her hair and the other to her breasts. He liked seeing the dried blood still marking her, making her look so damaged and half dead.

_"_Oh no, no, no. I can't, not aga..._.." _She moaned, reaching up to cling to his shoulders confused but reveling in the fact that he was letting her touch him with free reign. _Why?_

He gave a mean chuckle at her protests.

She slid one hand into his hair waiting for him to chastise her, but instead he groaned in contentment at her gentle stroking fingers. Her other hand slid down and settled on his chest, feeling muscle that was well defined even through his clothes. She gasped as he picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom, lying her down on the bed and kicking off his boots before settling himself on top of her, one leg between her thighs.

Oh god, she could get used to this, when he acted like this….but how could he change so completely? Serena sighed as Mac slid his tongue over her belly, and onto her inner thighs. She parted her legs in anticipation, desperately trying to resist the urge to grab him by the hair and pull him against her. He kept moving closer and closer until she could feel his breath exactly where she needed him most, and then he would move back to her other leg. She was keening in frustration and eventually lost control of her arms. She slid her fingers into his hair and then froze, terrified of what he would do. She kept forgetting he wasn't like other guys. He looked up at her and grinned wickedly, slid the tip of his tongue to the bottom of her opening and licked all the way to the top, very lightly and very, very slowly.

Serena's hands flew back to the bed and she gripped the sheets painfully, a low moan escaping her body as she instinctively arched her hips into Mac's tongue. He lifted her legs, slowly parting them wide as he settled into a more comfortable position, and started to suck. When he slid two fingers inside her and his other hand glided up to squeeze a nipple sharply, Serena was lost.  
Mac let the girl calm down for a couple of moments, slid his mouth against her and touched her warm, wet tongue with his. She kissed back, tentative at first, her hands shyly moving over his clothes, waiting for him to tell her if she could remove them. "Mac," she whispered softly, tugging on his shirt. "Please..."

He had scars and markings that he didn't particularly like looking at himself, Walter's way of training him when he was young and some war wounds from protecting the precious business, never mind showing them off to her. And the scabs, what he'd done to himself. Fuck it, if he was going to keep her around, he supposed she would have to see at some point. He pulled his shirt off over his head with a grimace, then got up to slide his pants off his legs.

Serena shivered as Mac settled his body back over hers, the feel of his skin against hers making her moan in anticipation. She slid her fingers over the muscles on his arms, slowly at first until he groaned with satisfaction. She traced around a scar on his left arm, stroking near the wounded flesh gently and looking at him for consent. She'd never had this kind of access to his body. The cave had been too dark to really see him and she'd been dazed in the shower. This was different and he wasn't stopping her exploration

"Bullet." he said, nodding to say that it was okay for her to touch it. "Handgun. Nine millimeter." Serena stroked over the marred skin for a moment before moving on to another. She spent several minutes exploring all of his injured skin, until he pushed her back down onto the bed and pressed against her.

"What do you want?" he whispered roughly, his voice rapidly descending into desire-laden hoarseness. "This?" he asked, pushing so that the head of his cock threatened to enter her. She moaned in response, tried to lift her hips to meet his thrust, but he pushed her back down.

"No," he growled as he held her against the bed. "You don't move bitch. I'm in charge. That's what you need, huh? That's what you fuckin' want." He lifted her face level with his so that he could gauge her reaction to his next sentence. "To be controlled and dominated? And held down and fucked? Answer me whore."

_This again…._..

She wanted to tell herself that she said it to make him happy, but ultimately it wasn't true. She agreed with everything he said, and she meant it. She enjoyed the feel of him on top of her, holding her down and pushing inside her until she cried out in pain. Hell, she had even enjoyed him calling her a whore. He was taking her time, fucking her almost gently and it felt strangely more intimate than before. It may have been because this was how lovers interact. _No, no not lovers_. She couldn't bear to keep her eyes open.

Mac pushed deep inside with a single, punishing thrust, and shuddered in satisfaction as she whimpered in pain. He pulled out of her a little and started moving in slow, steady circles and she arched against him, reaching out her hands to pull him against her. He grabbed her wrists and held them down above her head.

"No," he growled, and Serena whined in frustration. He carried on with his slow, steady rhythm and she laid as still as she could, moaning softly in pleasure. "Good girl," he whispered against her ear. "Lie there and take it, there's a good girl."

Serena bit into Mac's neck, desperately wanting to pull him deeper inside her but knowing that he would not approve. "Oh please, Mac!" she whimpered. "Please, oh god, I need you..."

"What do you need?" he whispered.

"Deeper," Serena replied, her eyes rolling back in her head at the thought. "And harder. And faster. Please!"

Mac stopped his circling movements and leaned into the girl so that he could push inside her hard and as deep as she could take. She cried out sharply in pain, but he didn't stop. He pounded her still painful pussy, not recovered from the earlier knife play and his punishing fuck.

"Is that what you want?" he asked. "Do you want me to fuck you until it hurts?"

"Uh huh!" she moaned, and he growled in response.

"Oh, yeah you fucking bitch." He said in a low, husky whisper. "You know what? I'm gonna come I'm gonna fucking come and you're gonna love it, aren't you?"  
She gasped as he came inside her, the pain mixing with incredible pleasure as she clenched around him and the heat swelled as aching pleasure spiraled down her core. She could hardly recover and gratefully allowed him to rest on top of her. She was left feeling empty when he suddenly rolled off of her without a word or a glance and dressed.

He stomped next door into the bathroom, collecting any and all dangerous items she could possibly use to harm him or herself. When he came back out, he stopped for a moment to watch her untangle the knots from her hair with her fingers. The tension crackled between them. It was nothing new as he became angry again, she felt it coming like weather, a storm brewing. He could flip a switch. The Mac who had been almost gentle in bed not more than ten minutes before was gone. She hated him again.

"Get up. You're disgusting, take a fucking shower." He tossed her own bottle of shampoo and the soap from her bag onto the bed. "You reek."

In the shower she adjusted the water temperature, then held tightly to the wall to support most of her weight. She looked down at the jagged red slashes in her skin as if it wasn't her body. She could hardly recognize it. This new mutilated creature she'd become was genuinely ugly. _This creature is a body and I live in it but I don't think its me_. How could she have enjoyed it... felt the ecstasy as he mutilated her. She hadn't been purified she'd been further defiled, disfigured. The M torn into the taught abdominal muscle below he ribs. Mutilated._ I call this vessel me, call its parts my parts like I'm the captain of a broken ship but I'm not the one in control anymore. I'm not the one this body listens to anymore. M. I'm losing my person._

She tried to focus on the pretty pink color of the water as what she swore must be acid ate at her torn flesh. Once all the blood was gone, she sat in the bottom of the tub and proceeded to wash away the rest of the evidence.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

She noticed he left one of her slips laying on the bed. She dragged the lace edged piece of lingerie over her still aching body. The black silk garment fell just above her knees. She was grateful to finally have some dignity once again. It was all he'd left out for her.

Several days passed; Serena wasn't sure exactly how many. They settled into a semblance of a routine, twisted as it was. Mac was generally out during the day leaving her locked in the bedroom. The dirty windows were covered by iron grating on the outside. So, escape looked ever more hopeless. Sometimes she stopped thinking about it.  
She was becoming attached to him, and that was a problem. He made her feel alive; like the time that she had first been on stage or in the recording studio. He was rough and he was brutal but he was beautiful and passionate and intense and she lov...

_No. Stop right there. S_he hated him too.

It was definitely a problem. Serena had a job; people were relying on her. She needed to get to a phone but she was never alone in the kitchen where she'd seen hers. She was going to have to think of something, she was running out of time. If she wasn't careful, she was going to be too late, in more ways than one.

But then there was the meth. He was constantly feeding it to her to keep her ready for fucking and that just kept her more confused and preoccupied. Sex while high on crystal is incomparable to sober sex. Her sex drive became so strong that she could match him and their continuous sex lasted several hours to days. He'd also let her have her journal after she'd earned it with a blow job. That's the game he was playing too.

_Snort, fuck, write, fuck, snort, fuck, fuck maybe sleep then start over again._

She had songs to write. She hummed out the tunes and wrote the notes and changes since she didn't have her guitar. It was always this way. Music was her talent, her gift but also her tormentor. It didn't give a shit about her. Music made her do things, live stories so she could write them into songs. It pushed her brain and her days around. A parasite that kills its host. Mac was like the music. It doesn't give a shit about what happens to a little devil girl as long as it gets some song bodies out of her, like a hungry ghost desperate for physicality. Like him. Once again she wasn't writing songs they were writing her. And every time a song was done it would whisper 'you are done you can go now. You aren't needed anymore.' Just like the men. They always said the same thing when they were finished with her. Serena knew when Mac finally said that she'd be dead. If she never finished the song...maybe he wouldn't finish with her...

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Her slip was hanging on her. And her hair was limp. He'd give her water and cold pizza or a sandwich, the kind from the gas station that tasted like the plastic it was wrapped in. Sometimes when Mac was out she'd sit writing in her journal for hours; she didn't need to eat she didn't need to sleep. A week had gone by? Maybe two she had no idea but it felt like forever.

Occasionally, between sex, when Mac was tweaking he stayed in the room with her. He sat drawing spiders, mumbling while Serena wrote pages and pages of lyrics in her journal. She was on a roll. They were both frantically concentrating, but both had a nagging feeling that there was someone or something lurking close by. He'd look up and notice there were those wires protruding from the wall; they came from somewhere or something, but what? Maybe someone planted something behind there….. Walter? He'd get more agitated then he'd suddenly realize Serena was there. BITCH!" he'd scream, slapping her across the face, switching from focusing, to blows in a second. It didn't hurt anymore because her pain tolerance was so high but she realized that with his powerful muscles, he could easily beat her to death, or just snap her neck, and the thought made her more excited. Then it was time to fuck. Again.

Her hand writing used to be neat and precise. Now it was erratic as her thoughts flowed faster than her fingers could get them down.

_I reflect on how sick I am. I get excited just by his eyes on my body. When he traces my curves with those stone-cold blue eyes, waves of arousal liquify me. I crave him almost as much as I despise him. That's disgusting to me, that I can look at this man who keeps me captive and from my life and feel anything but hatred. That when he touches me, every cell in my body hums with electricity. It's pathetic.  
Part of it may be that I've never quite felt as alive as I do now., even though I end up doing the same thing every day. My days are dangerous and somehow unpredictable because I never know what mood he'll be in, if he'll even look at me. Is today the day he'll kill me?_

_The only thing left in this body is shame. _And the only shred of self-preservation Serena had left was the thought_ please no more shame._

Thoughts of getting away never entirely left her mind. She couldn't keep this up forever. This could not possibly be the rest of her life.

_I can feel the wolf growing dirty and sick, gaunt and broken at night her eyes glow._

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

She hadn't contemplated attempting to escape in a while, because up until now Mac had her locked up or not allowed her to be out of his sight for a single waking moment. She waited as patiently as she could, assuming that he would slip up at some point. He did. For some reason today, he'd left the door to the bedroom unlocked. She'd looked for her phone on the kitchen table but it was gone. Her brief exploration of the cluttered, dirty house e revealed a land line in the front hall, but it had no connection. She couldn't call anyone. She was on her own. Unless she could somehow get a hold of Mac's cell phone. She knew he had one, felt it in his pocket on many occasions. She was sitting in the kitchen when she heard his truck roar up outside. She wasn't really thinking of escape but the line of crystal she'd just snorted inserted the idea in her head. She felt panicked all of a sudden. It was her only chance. The drug revived her fight or flight which had been dead for so long.

He had been outside unloading some supplies from the truck. He entered and carried a very large and cumbersome-looking sack to the other side of the room. He glanced to the side while he was carrying the item, surprised to see Serena in the kitchen with him. Within an instant, they both realised who was closest to the unlocked door. Without a second's hesitation, she bolted for the door and as she moved towards freedom she heard him curse loudly before the sound of the blood beating in her body drowned out all other noises. Every bone in her bruised body screamed in protest as she slammed into the door turning the latch as quickly as possible.

She had the door partially flung open before she felt his body crash into hers, slamming Serena against the far wall just past the door. Feeling her head ricochet off the wall and her breath heaving as the adrenaline coursed through her body, she fought to escape him, to try to get out the door. Holding her with both hands, Mac kicked her last chance at freedom closed with the back of his foot as he easily held her captive. As she realised that her only option at escape had failed, she stopped fighting him completely and started laughing. She laughed so hard she couldn't breath. She couldn't believe she'd actually tried to escape. She failed. What did she think was gonna happen? That struck her as hilarious. She had to laugh because she couldn't cry anymore.

"Shouldn't have done that." Was all he said, grabbing her by her hair.


	8. Your Demons Make You Who You Are

Still yanking her hair roughly Mac pushed Serena onto her knees beside the table. She began to giggle feeling surreal. He wanted her to give him head now? Of course he did.

"Think its funny?" He asked sitting down. "I'll shut you up good." Mac violently pulled her face into his lap, shoving his thick cock down her tight little throat. He held her there a minute, amazed at how far he'd penetrated on the first thrust. He savored the feeling of her choking on him. When he pulled back to allow her a quick breath, she put her hands on his thighs and tried to gain control of the blow job. As she ran her tongue over his slit and tasted his precum, he sucked in his stomach and expelled a harsh breath. He didn't want it slow. He wanted to fuck her mouth and fuck it hard. He wanted to make sure she knew he was punishing her. He grabbed a handful of her hair and thrust into her mouth. Holding her head steady, he moaned. She was taking it so good for him, just like always. She said he was a real man. Fucking right he was. "You're gonna swallow too every fucking drop." He ordered between grunted breaths.

"Mmm hmmm she moaned around his dick causing his hips to buck as he shoved down her throat again.  
"Ah, fuck..." This was heaven. He began to pound her in earnest. He rammed violently in and out of her battered doll face, choking her with both his hand and cock.

"Good girl, good girl." He groaned as he ravaged her throat. "That's it hold still and let me hurt you... fuck... you like sucking cock girl? Kneeling like a fucking whore? Mmm.. A little harder now bitch I'm gonna make it really hurt now. Okay? You take it like a good little girl." He knew she would. She took it better for him than anyone else ever had.  
Lost in his own sensation, Mac doubted if he would have noticed had she tried to fight him. He was relatively sure she didn't though. He raped her throat brutally, oblivious by this point to anything but his own approaching orgasm. He released himself filling her mouth with more than she could swallow right away. His cum dripped down her chin and was on her cheeks. She made a defiant show of running her forefinger through it sensually scraping it from her skin and sucking it slowly from her fingers.

He hid his enjoyment with gruff words. "Clean me up. You made such a damn mess."

She leaned in again and licked him clean. He hadn't been this cold to her since before he started cutting her. The approval he seemed to give her for that was suddenly gone. She felt like a naughty child. But it was her own fault. Why, why did she try to run?

"Cut me." She said looking up, her eyes huge, dark and begging. She pulled up her slip and put his hand on the M he'd carved into her abdomen.

He pulled it back roughly. _What the hell? She wanted him._

She grabbed and pawed at the knife in his pocket. "Please…" she was practically whining, begging him to do it. _Don't ignore me,_ her mind screamed. Pain was better than this dismissive disgust._Don't, don't leave me._

He shoved her back as if she gave him an electric shock. His own twisting gut told him this was dangerous for him. Was he feeling something? His self-preservation instinct kicked in.

"You want to go, fucking go."

"What?"

"You heard me." He said tucking his dick back in his pants and zipping up. He dragged her along the floor, stalking over to the door and threw it open. "Go, get out of my sight."

Serena stood slowly and stepped outside on the rickety splintering porch. She felt fresh air for the first time in three weeks? It felt like an eternity_. And no one is looking for me? _She felt a chill.

She glanced behind her expecting him to be there, breathing down her neck but he wasn't. She started gingerly down the steps.

She felt sandy soft dirt beneath her feet. As she tentatively reached the side of the house she was shocked by a snarling snapping German Shepherd behind a rusted chain link fence. When she got her bearings again, she approached unafraid. The closer she got, the quieter the dog became.

"Poor thing, I know you are a prisoner too, huh?"'

His ferocious barking seceded into soft submissive whines the closer she got. "I'm sorry."

She'd always been able to do that with animals. Her mother said it was another sign that she must be a devil girl. Children born on Christmas day as Serena was were said to have the power to communicate with animals. Tame the savage beasts as it were.

She walked further from the house and sank to her knees. The terrain before her was barren. Some dry brush and gnarled trees lay before the parched landscape that led to the canyons. The sun was lowering to the red tips of the rock formations on the horizon. Desert. Deserted. The temperature was dropping with the sun. Like, she was gonna make it back to the highway or town clad in only an Elizabeth Taylor Cat on a Hot Tin Roof style nylon slip, barefoot, hungry, thirsty coming down form a meth high. She'd die out there and he knew it. She continued to kneel and put her face into her hands, unsure again of whether to cry or laugh. A movie heroine would do it, just take off and trek across the desert and make it back. Serena was no heroine and this was no movie. She was confused and wanted someone to tell her what to do. And then she felt Mac's boot kick the small of her back. She fell forward face down into the dust.

"Aint you gonna run bitch? Now's your chance. Better take it."

She didn't answer, just lay in the dirt. He shoved her forward again with his boot.

"Fuck you." She murmured, "You know there's nowhere for me to go. Fuck this. All of it."

He grunted. _Not as stupid as most women who'd make a run for the highway, get lost in the canyons and die of exposure._

"Come here." He said it as an order but almost softly, almost with comfort? When he gripped her upper arm she let him pull her to her feet. She was shaking, actually shivering uncontrollably. She turned and embraced him. Shocking both of them, he didn't stop her. He pulled her against him and whispered. "Remember who you belong to."

He lifted her into his arms and carried her back into the dark dingy confines of his house once again.

Free will is an illusion.

Serena sank into a chair at the kitchen table as Mac went back to the truck and finished unloading the supplies. As he finished putting some canned food into a store cupboard. She whispered in a puzzled voice. "Why did you bring me back in. You told me to go."  
Mac looked at her, an unfamiliar expression on his face. He seemed troubled. "You'd be dead out there in a few hours," he replied. This was true, but it did nothing to really explain his actions. Isn't that what he wanted? Up until now, Serena had been sure that Mac existed solely to enjoy causing other people pain. Didn't he want her dead? Maybe he didn't? There was no way that he seemed capable of any depth of feeling. So why did it seem as if he was upset at the thought of her dying?

Serena dragged her shaking body to her feet and stumbled towards Mac. She flung her arms around him and hugged for dear life. "Thank you," she whispered, the words muffled since her mouth was pressed into Mac's neck. Surprising both of them again, he slid his arms around her in response, and rested his cheek on the top of her head, holding her until her shaking subsided.

"I'm cutting you back. The shit is making you crazy."

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Only a month before Serena sat in Rich's office at the rehab facility, answering all the questions he posed trying to figure out which kind of crazy she was.

"You know I think my mama ...mother, I mean, was afraid of me. My mother, had a literal belief in scripture, Mark 16: 15- 18. I still remember it, crazy what your brain keeps space for. Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all."

"That's where a lot of your song lyrics come from isn't it?" Rich asked

"Snakes and strychnine." Serena nodded, "To my mother, hell was fire and brimstone and the mark of the beast was real. I swore she checked me for it every day till I got out of that damn crazy house. You know we didn't celebrate birthdays. I never had a birthday cake or present till I was 19 years old. No Christmas either. Mama said Secular holidays celebrated man above God. Christmas was my birthday. "

"And sex? How did she feel about that?"

"She said it was a sin to even hold hands with a man until you were married. Nothing worse than being a whore. So yeah that petty much meant I blew her mind. Specially when the neighbor boys started shooting their mouths off…. I was mama's project, not her daughter. " Serena smiled bitterly. "But I got out."

Serena closed her eyes and forgot Rich was even there for a minute.

_"What the hell are you doing, give me that!"_

_The man I called daddy grabbed the bottle the preacher man gave mama out of her hands. She was yelling and saying it was time to see if the devil had been driven out of me yet._

_"Eva, This is poison, you'll kill that girl."_

_"If its Jesus' will!" Mama screamed._

_"That you go to prison? You are crazy Eva, crazy." He hit her and she shut up. That always shut mama up._

_He took the bottle and smashed it on the side of the house. Later he kissed me, not like a daddy should kiss his little girl. He put his hand on my bad place and said __"Its time for you to thank me little girl. Show me how grateful you are ."_

_mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm_

Mac was trying to cut her back on the meth. He'd noticed the change in her. She couldn't handle it. She was getting to be too unpredictable. She tried to run after all. Maybe he'd get her back on her benzos. Better bet. He was thinking of cutting back himself. His mind had been betraying him lately. He didn't like the thoughts he was having about Serena. It was past time to get rid of her but she was still here.

"Give me some please...Mac come on. I need it."

He just shook his head.

"You're pissed at me I can tell. Why? What did I do now? Why are you mad at me?" She felt alone, desolate, like a bad girl. She was jonesing and shaky and couldn't handle his rejection not now."

"Shut up. You tried to leave. Now do what I fuckin' say or I'll dump all the shit down the drain." He grabbed her by the throat and squeezed, the pushed her back on the bed.

Hating herself for being weak she fought to stop her tears from falling as she tried to compare the man who had tenderly embraced her last night with the monster she had met today. She wondered fleetingly if maybe he had split personalities

_"_What do you want, huh? My lips? My ass? Just tell me what to do and I'll do it, I promise. Please don't throw my happy stuff away."  
"Fuck me good and then you can have some." Mac liked her begging. "Off." He motioned to her slip. She pulled it up over her head exposing herself to him: every knife slice now scabbing, every purple flowering bruise, every bite mark marring her once perfect porcelain skin. He liked it better this way. He licked his lips and grabbed the back of her neck.

She kissed him, he let her. She murmured in his ear. "I will, you'll feel really good...touch me please…."_  
The Black Knight feels the part of my pretty stomach that my shirt doesn't cover, and then pushes his hands up till it doesn't cover anything anymore. It's cold my nipples are hard. He kneels and licks them, sending little fire-fly tingles all through me. Oh God, Mama, I'm sorry if I like it. I know it's bad. I'm going to do the bad thing with the Black Knight I'm going to let him inside my bad, wet place and it's going to feel so good. I'm sorry._

She felt like she was going crazy, in two worlds. He shoved her so that she fell onto her back on the bed, her legs splayed invitingly. Her hair was wild and her face was flushed. He stood over her for a moment, allowing the expression on his face to become hard and brutal as he shrugged his coveralls off of his shoulders and they dropped to the floor.

"You make me feel so good Mac, make me feel good...please."

He stripped off his t-shirt watching her eyes dart to his scars then roll back in her head. Mac was more than ready to fuck the life out of her, but he hadn't finished putting her back in her place. He slid his free hand to her jaw and gripped firmly, dragged her eyes level with his. She flinched at the eye contact, still not used to him letting her look at him, but didn't dare turn away.

"You're gonna fuck me good tough girl," he growled at Serena softly. Her breathing visibly increased in speed as he spoke. "But... not yet." He released her jaw and slid his hand down her chest to stroke over her right breast gently, his rough fingertips slowly grazing her soft, creamy flesh. She writhed against him for a moment before realizing that this only pressed her clit against his dick even harder. Her nipple tightened as he circled his palm over it before rolling the little bud between his finger and thumb. He moved his hand on to her other breast, and then leaned down to take her right nipple into his mouth, alternately sucking gently and then biting down on it slowly. Serena couldn't predict at his actions. Sometimes he was being gentle and sucking on her breast, and then he would suddenly sink his teeth into it instead. She had to admit the combination of different sensations always affected her, and she couldn't stop herself from moaning softly at the way he was touching her. He moved his mouth onto her other breast, and stroked his hand down over her stomach slowly, stopping just at the center of her thighs. She bucked as he slid his hand over her abdomen, and Mac smiled against her breast. He stroked over the area again gently, then slid his palm over her side slowly. She shuddered, then her back arched against him automatically, causing her to press her breast against his mouth more firmly.

Mac slid back up Serena's body so that he could whisper into her ear again. "Do you like that, little slut?"

She moaned against him wretchedly, and he smiled. "You need my big, hard cock inside you? You need to be fucked? You getting wet for me?"

_I feel the screaming building up in me, filling me. Oh, I like it so much. I want you in me, Black Knight. I want your essence to coat my insides._

Mac's voice was hoarse, he was getting turned on. He hadn't moved his hand from her stomach, and she bit her lip in anticipation as he started to slide downwards towards her clit. With his weight on her and his legs between her thighs, there was nothing that she could do to deny him access. Not that she would have.  
"Oh please," Serena whispered desperately, her body trembling against the gentle hand stroking down towards her pussy. To her surprise, he avoided both her clit and her opening, instead choosing to stroke his fingertips around the edge of her outer lips several times. Her skin was suddenly extremely sensitive, and she jerked against him in response to his touch. He then stroked the tip of one finger very lightly from the bottom of her opening up to her clit, and she writhed against him once again.  
"Oh, god!" she whispered softly as Mac slowly spread her folds open so that he could touch her gently. "Oh no..." He was doing this to control her, and she knew it, but she still couldn't stop her body from doing what it wanted to do. Once she was fully spread for him, he circled that damned finger around her opening slowly, and then up to circle around her clit very gently. He knew exactly what her body needed. Part of her hated it but the other loved it? _Loved? Love?  
_  
Serena was whining softly, she just couldn't help herself. He had hardly even touched her, but she was moaning more than she ever had during sex in the past. He slid his mouth back to her ear, and she whimpered in response to the sound of his voice.  
"You like this," he whispered as he circled his finger around her opening once again. "Don't you?" When she didn't reply, he went on to say "Answer me girl. I can make this very painful, you know I can."

"Yes," Serena said, her voice barely audible even though Mac's ear was only inches from her mouth. He smiled against her ear.

"You wet, baby?" he asked, but didn't wait for a response. He slid his finger inside her just a little, up to his first knuckle, stroked around in a circle and then slid out of her again. She gasped in response, was once again overcome as she felt her hips buck up against him in search of the lost finger.

She was wet; they both knew she was. So when Mac brought his glistening finger up in front of her face so that she could see it, he did it purely to humiliate her. And she knew she was supposed to hate him for it, about as much as she thought she could ever hate another person. But when he placed his finger in front of her mouth and told her to lick, she found an entirely new level of confusion. She wanted to believe it was because he'd hurt her if she didn't; that this was all just her means to survive him. But it wasn't. Not any more. She willingly opened her mouth and took his finger into it, gently lapping her tongue around his wet digit until she had licked it clean.  
His eyes were still brutal, but they were no longer cold. They were burning. Serena took comfort in the knowledge that Mac was equally as affected by her as she was by him. He had slid his hand back between her legs, and this time his thumb was stroking over her clit gently. She was shocked to find that within a minute he had the exact pressure and speed that he needed to use to make her come for him.  
Mac knew that Serena was ready to come, but he wanted to play a little more before he moved on. He slowed his thumb on her clit and gently eased his middle finger inside her, stroking in a circle before finding a spot on the front of her vaginal wall that he liked. He curled his finger and moved it in a 'come hither' gesture while gently pressing his palm flat on her belly. He knew she loved it. The moan that this action wrenched from the girl was deeper and more satisfied than her previous whining had been. He continued for a few moments before sliding his index finger inside her also. She moaned at the increased stretching feeling, then jerked against him as he started stroking his thumb over her clit once again.

"Oh god!" she whispered again, her hips involuntarily lifting to meet his hand once again. After a couple more minutes, she was writhing against his hand, desperate for him to let her come.

Mac slid his fingers out of the girl's body and stroked them over her belly again, giving her time to calm down a little. She moaned softy as he did this, and he did not miss the frustration in her voice. "You are fucking beautiful, tough girl," he growled against her ear unable to help himself, letting the word escape. She shuddered against him as he nuzzled her ear gently.

_Beautiful?_

"Time to get fucked, girl," he whispered and slid his free hand to her hip to hold her steady.

He moved his cock up and down for a moment, feeling a warm, inviting wetness drawing him towards her. She slid her arms along his sides until she reached his ass, and pulled a little. He bumped against her harder, stretched her opening slightly until she moaned in eagerness, then pulled back out to rest against her.

"Do you deserve it?"

She looked up at him into his eyes and knew exactly what he wanted.  
"Mac..." she whispered softly, sliding her hand back across his hips and brushing her fingers across the length of his cock and down to her clit. She stroked for a moment, let her head fall backwards as she moaned in pleasure and he groaned in response. She looked back into his eyes as she whispered "I'm hot and I'm wet." She slid a finger inside herself and then pulled it back out to stroke along his cock again. "See? Don't you want to feel that?"  
His mock resistance didn't last long. Mac cured the ache inside Serena with one forceful thrust that caused her to gasp in pain-laced pleasure as he settled inside her. She slid her hands back to his ass and pulled, wanting him to move even harder. Every thrust was causing her to cry out in pain as he bumped her cervix, and she scratched her nails along his back until he had to hold her arms down. She came again, and her lust for pain lessened as her body calmed down again. Mac slowed his movement inside her and she moaned in appreciation. He let her arms go and she slid them around him, one sliding into his hair and stroking through it.  
"Mac" she whispered, "I..." She stopped herself from saying something very stupid. "You're so...I..."

He wondered what she meant to say, but she wouldn't look at him and so he couldn't tell. She slid her hand between his legs and squeezed his balls gently and he forgot all about what she had started to say.

"Your whore…'Im your whore" Serena caught herself before saying something she'd regret.  
He continued to push into her slowly, savoring every inch of gloriously slick, wet flesh as it tightly gripped his cock, and then started to thrust deeper inside her. He moaned softly, shuddered against her as his balls finally came to rest against the smooth skin of her ass. The girl groaned against him, her face flinching as he still stretched her open far more than she was used to. But she was wet, and within a few moments, the pain went away.

He slid his mouth back to her ear. "Want you to come for me," he whispered, and she whined. "I, I can't...not again, it's too much..."

"Tough." He slid his hand back down between their legs and started circling against her clit gently. Within a couple of minutes, the combined feeling of his hand and the way he was stretching her body around him caused her to lose control once again. Mac slid his mouth over hers and kissed her, hard. He effectively muffled her moans of pleasure so that the only evidence of her orgasm was the erratic twitching of her muscles around his cock. The feeling was incredible, and he groaned gutturally into her mouth as she parted her lips and allowed his tongue access.

Mac had increased the force of his movement until she was almost whimpering with pain, and she was on the verge of coming again. He was ready to climax himself. He put his mouth to her ear for a moment. "I'm going to come tough little slut." he whispered softly. "You gonna to come for me one more time?" He slid his mouth back over hers to catch her cries of pleasure as her muscles started contracting around him again, and he finally came inside her, collapsing on top of her body as he regained his breath.  
_The screaming is all through me now, fighting to get out. I slide against him and kiss him letting the screams out into his mouth.  
Did you like that Black Knight? Was that good? I'm yours, I'm yours. I'll never leave you."_

She was exhausted and her heart was skipping beats as it pounded too fast and hard in her chest. Finally she caught her breath. "Can I have my happy stuff now?" She asked in a weak voice.

He pulled out of her and stood up. He dressed without looking at her and went to a closet across the room. He reached onto a high shelf and took down a shoe box.

He sat next to her on the bed again and opened the box. It was filled with bags of white crystalline powder, and about a half-dozen orange prescription pill bottles. The vials of prescription pills were all from his other victims. He collected whatever was worth taking from them.

She'd never seen so many drugs in her life.

"You only get what I give you." He shook two Valium into his hand.

She shook her head. No I want..."

"It ain't up to you." He shoved the pills between her lips.  
When he stood suddenly, she figured he was just getting up to go to the bathroom or something. But he'd taken the box and locked the bedroom door behind him. She desperately cried out for him to wait. She'd never done that before. She closed her eyes tightly, confused and feeling sick to her stomach with the fact that she was feeling so much for him. Sitting alone in the silence, she felt the semen and blood begin to dry on the her skin between her thighs, as she waited for his return with a mixture of eagerness and dread. She heard his truck roar to life outside and drive away from the house.

.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

It had been a bitch of a day, his mind rebelling not cooperating. Mac was starting to feel something different for her, he was almost gentle with her today. He needed to fix it, put his mind back in its place along with the girl herself. He knew just how to do it.

His dark crystal fiery eyes surveyed the room, flicking from body to body, his lips curled in a snarl of disgust. The only things out on a Saturday night at the bar here the next town over from Caineville were college teenyboppers. With a snort he reminded himself that while they might look good, they generally didn't know shit about how to really please a man, how to take a good hard fucking and make him come back for more. All they wanted was their own pleasure, and if they didn't get their rocks off, they became incessantly whiney. _Not like her. _His head already hurt enough without that shit. But he knew it was perfect. The perfect girl to punish Serena with. He'd manage.

Tonight was all about revenge; tearing her down letting her know who was in charge. She tried to leave, then she acted like she _wanted_ to stay. _Goddamn eyes. _If she was gonna try to fuck with his head, he was gonna return some of the favor. Spread the wealth a little. Stop any thought of caring about her dead in its tracks. Shit, that wasn't like him and he knew how to get back to himself. He chuckled darkly, ordering a whiskey. He quietly hissed as the liquor burned its way down his throat, then turned to browse the offerings again, one of the barely twenty year old bubble-butted, bobble-heads, as he liked to refer to them.

Almost growling his frustration, he started to step towards a table of co-eds when a soft voice seemed to cut through the fog of noise and slither over his eardrums. Soft, slightly sad and definitely sexier than the usual. He stiffened, every sense on alert now, scanning the crush of revelers to find the owner of that sexy voice. It was the voice of a pro. She was at the corner of the table. Blue eyes, tanned, blonde, huge tits. Goldilocks alright. Yeah she'd do. Her expression was blank, open and full of mock sexiness.

_Yeah She'd do_ he thought again, teeth gritted in frustration even as his dick hardened. So different from Serena's sad, vulnerable and just a little frightened expression; she appealed to his moods as nothing else could. Her eyes held a world-weary wisdom, and her attitude was a heady combination of confidence and vulnerability.  
He shook the thought out of his head as the blonde smiled. The feral grin he shot her sent a shiver of apprehension along her frame, visible to his discerning eye. But she followed as he motioned for her to lead him through the crowd, still glaring at her. Once her back was turned and the click-click of her heels told of her own rising desire he let himself, admire the straight line of her back, the swing of her shiny golden curls against that white shirt, the sway of her hips wrapped in a snug black skirt, and those long, sexy legs that he could just picture wrapped around his waist as he explodes inside of her. And Serena watching the whole thing.  
As they worked their way through the crowd to the door, he was caught between his growing lust for the curvy figure in front of him, and his rage at how Serena made his mind betray him.


	9. The Girl Who Cried Wolf

_***Thanks to the fab OnTheWildside for her help with this chapter-she is my Mac therapist ;)**_

_***Cat Power's music powered the chapter. Her song 'Baby Doll' was on repeat while I wrote.**_

_***Again, you guys have been so great with the reviews, I appreciate every one! Motivation...**_

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

"So how much?" Mac asked casually, lighting up a cigarette and squinting sideways at the woman.

She looked at him with mock surprise as he leaned on his truck.

"Bitch, you might look like all those other Barbie dolls but you obviously know what you're doing, so get to the point. How much?"

"Depends what you want, babe." She answered shrewdly.

"Don't call me that." He sneered. "The whole night. How much for the whole night?"

"A thousand."

Mac nodded, taking a slow drag on his smoke. He didn't flinch at her price. She looked expensive, not like the usual junkie tramps he dealt to. She looked like a fucking model; it's why he chose her. She wouldn't be keeping the money anyway. "Can you play to an audience, do what I tell you?"

"An audience huh? Sounds like fun. My kind of job."

"Just follow directions, do what I tell you. No bitching, no backing out." He paused. "Might get rough."

"For that money you get anything you want. Like you said I know what I'm doing."

"You better. I don't fool around. Get in." He motioned to the truck. She hesitated, so he took a roll of bills out of his pocket and peeled off five hundred. "The rest when you're done." She took it and hopped right up in the cab. _Whore._

He'd fill her in on the way back to his place. Most of his plan anyway; the ninety percent she needed to know. The last ten she'd be experiencing herself as a surprise. If she was opposed to any of it he'd kill her sooner rather than later that's all.  
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Serena wrote stream of consciousness, letting words roll off the edge of her mind on the page, no filtering. _ Covered in your spit, our sweat my blood. Can't get a brush through my hair or thoughts of you out of my head. You are an addiction as bad as any I have. There's that euphoria during consumption then the let down after. Sex hangover, sugar crash, le petit mort for sure._

_I'm terrified to admit you're what I'm after. I wasn't looking but you found me. You opened up Pandora's box and look what came out. Snakes and screams. Knives and scars. Powder and pills and booze, blood and sex and being used._

_Three hundred years ago I'd be burned at the stake. Why not go all the way? With you it would be too easy. I just want to swan dive into you, drown, get lost, get real real gone. You derailed my train of thought. You're Technicolor and the rest of the world is black and white. Every time I find a new bruise on my body it reminds me of you._

_Do I love him? Is it just the isolation and the fact no one is looking for me? Is it fear? Am I just used to him? The devil I know? But he held me last night, he saved me? Could he be the knight?_ She closed her journal, almost frightened of what she was writing.

Serena was sleeping, curled up on the bed when Mac 's truck pulled up outside. The slamming of the vehicle's doors jarred her awake. As he entered the house she could tell he wasn't alone. She heard two sets of footsteps and a woman's high-pitched giggling voice. Serena sat up on alert and suspiciously looked toward the bedroom door.

She felt strangely exposed and uncomfortable having another person in their, _the_ house. She caught herself.

He entered the bedroom alone, however. Maybe she was hearing things. He dragged one of the wooden kitchen chairs behind him and placed it against the wall opposite of the bed, as if for the perfect view. Serena was starting to feel her apprehension dissipate until he dangled a piece of rope in front of her and motioned to the chair. "Sit down."

Mac stood back and as he watched her writhing and twisting against the restraints he was almost ready to forget the whole thing. God he wanted her struggling like that underneath him and to fuck her until she screamed and bled for him. That's all he seemed to care about anymore and that's what this was all about. He didn't want her and she needed to know it. He was going to prove it to her. And to himself?

"Don't Mac, c'mon untie me. What's going on?" Serena asked, her nerves tingling as she became sure she hadn't imagined the giggles or click of heels.

He smiled again that same anticipatory grin he had in the cave that night they'd killed the three girls.

"Got something to show you."

"What do you mean?" She asked with a renewed sense of panic growing. If he'd brought another victim around, why was she the one tied up?

"I'm going to have someone show you how to fuck a real man."

"What do you mean, show me?"

"Right here, I'm going to fuck someone right here in front of you, so you can see what a real fuck looks like, and learn."

The full meaning became clear. Serena was stunned but also felt anger and abandonment in the pit of her stomach. "You bastard, you fucking …."

He just smiled some more.

"Don't do this to me."

He looked straight ahead, past her.

"I thought you liked how I fuck you."

His coldness forced her to beg. "Please, Mac, I'll do anything you want... just tell me...you know I will..."

Suddenly she heard a voice from down the hall. "Mac?"

"In here." He called.

The woman stepped through the doorway. Her eyes widened at the scene. She didn't hide her disgust and amusement at Serena's situation. Serena could only imagine what the fuck princess was thinking and what Mac must have told her to get her there. A blonde with perfect Barbie doll features. Her eyes were wide and permanently startled, blue as ice, and her lips were painted pale pink. Her blonde hair trailed down her back in a complex ponytail. A gazelle, a fucking pretty girl. _He knew._ Serena could kick her ass if she was free. But she wasn't free. Who was the prey now?

"Well look what we have here!" Barbie said. "Who...I mean what the fuck is that?"

Mac watched the woman take in the dingy room, then Serena's appearance. Tied to a chair, her body covered in bruises at various stages of healing, scabbing knife marks, her face pale under cuts and contusions he'd made. Hair long and unruly her eyes huge, dark suspicious and hating. At that moment he looked back at the blonde and wanted to snap her neck and throw Serena on her back and just plunge inside her as fast as he could. She was the one he wanted. Fuck, she was where_ he belonged._ This was supposed to stop him feeling this way. He grabbed hold of himself and focused on her humiliation, her jealousy. _That's more like it._

The mockery was too much to take. The picture blurred as tears formed in Serena's eyes. She battled to keep them from falling.

"Told you we'd have an audience." Mac reminded the other woman.

"Yeah, yeah that's fine. I told you I'm up for anything. I'm Jade honey, what's your name?" She reached down and pulled Serena's chin up, releasing a tear. Serena yanked her face away.

"Look how cute you are all tied up! Isn't she cute, Mac?"

Mac looked at her, nodding with approval. The second tear broke free and rolled southward.

"Awww... you're crying!" She said catching the second tear with a finger.

It deepened the humiliation and Serena hissed "Fuck you."

The more she looked at her, the more Serena hated her. The way she was dressed, the way she smiled, the way she acted. She thought that she was God's gift to women. She was a pretty girl the kind who always won out in the end. Men always left her for the pretty standard beauties and Mac knew it. He picked this one specifically to hurt Serena. Spun sugar melting, stiletto heeled Barbie doll queen, beach bunny in a sunset dream. The kind of girl who aways had a parasol in her drink. Never swigging from the bottle.  
Serena just sat there like she was stuck in cement, too many emotions were churning in her heart, and jealousy was foremost among them.

"Where did you find this whore?" She managed to choke out.

"Got that wrong."Mac answered. "She's not the whore, you are. She's a nice college girl, she 's going somewhere. Not like you. You're the whore. The things you let me do to you. I mean look at you. Disgusting. You're the slut."

It was a gut punch. Last night he'd called her beautiful. Hadn't he? She was confused, dizzy all of a sudden.

"Strip." Mac ordered Jade.

His eyes locked on the other woman's body as she started to peel the tight clothing from her curves.

"Like what you see?" she purred.

He nodded as the bulge grew in his jeans.

Her skirt fell to the floor and she kicked it to the side. She liberated the t-shirt and bra from her body, leaving only her panties.

"You wanna fuck me, Mac?"

Mac scanned her entire body with his eyes. Tan, toned and flawless. Not a single mark or scar on it- a pro. Not like Serena who was covered in signs of his ownership. She'd taken everything and came back for more. She...accepted it. Accepted him?

"You wanna fuck me in front of your slut, Mac?" Jade's voice drew him back out of his head. She pulled her long hair back and twisted her body suggestively.

Mac put his hands on her hips. "Yeah, I wanna fuck you in front of her."

He reached around and grabbed her ass. Her arms wrapped themselves around his neck. They panted with their mouths locked. He squeezed and slapped her ass a few times. He made sure Serena could see her tongue in his mouth.

_Does it bother you, or turn you on?_ A voice asked in her head.

Without breaking their kiss, Jade opened his pants and began to explore his cock with her hands. He hardened even more at her touch.

_Does it hurt that he wants her?  
_  
She kneeled in front of him with her back to Serena. She took him in one hand, stroked him twice before kissing his cock. She held it still as it jerked and his face twisted with pleasure when she spit on it and she started to fist him.

"Want me to suck your cock first, Mac?"

"Yeah," he heaved in response.

She looked over her shoulder at Serena with a wicked smile, licking her slick bubblegum pick lips while she manipulated his cock in her hand.

Serena held them back, but tears blurred her vision again.

"Want me to suck your cock in front of her?"

"Yeah."

The words were devastating. But Serena didn't want to care. She didn't want to cry. The feelings she started to have for him were wrong and this proved it. She closed her eyes. Then opened them again. She needed to see this, see that he didn't give a shit about her. Fuck him. She supposed she knew it all along. It always ended this way. Men always wanted the pretty girls, the cotton candy girls. So light and airy and golden. Made of gold.

So she watched. She watched every second, hating them both.

Then Jade took his cock into her mouth. Mac's eyes closed with anticipation and she began licking hungrily. She grabbed his shaft and began milking it as her head bobbed up and down and her tongue played around his head in her mouth. Mac grunted his approval at her technique.

_Does he think she's better at this than you?  
_  
"Ohh.. fuck!" Mac reacted to the pleasure.

She went down on him twice, the second deeper than the first. When she pulled off to allow her lungs to refill with air he pawed at her head and growled "Don't stop, fuck bitch, don't stop."

She jumped back on and Mac was again in ecstasy as his cock invaded her throat.

She went down on him over and over again, and he vocalized over and over again. "Oh yeah.. Oh, oh fuck yeah! You are so fucking hot!" He groaned with each pump. Then he exploded inside her. He was like a broken record, stuck on one word."You...fuck... fuck... fuck!"

Serena was feeling angry, defeated, turned on, humiliated... and she lost it. She started sobbing, heaving with convulsions. She had no idea why she was feeling this visceral jealousy. Over Mac? He tortured her, didn't give a shit about her. Her breathing sped up. Her heart raced. She felt sick. She raged inwardly and she started to choke a little on her tears. "I don't feel good," she muttered to no one then bent over and heaved whiskey, dissolved blue Valium residue and bile.

_Serena got up, grabbed Mac's knife from the floor and grasped the blonde by her hair pulling her head back. __"Nothing personal." Serena paused, then hissed, "You're in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong dick in your mouth," and sliced efficiently across the jugular. The blood spurted and the woman slumped forward onto Mac._

Serena came back to reality, tied to a chair, witnessing the true end of the blow job and closed her eyes so she wouldn't see Mac's expression.

"Was that good baby? Better than her?" The pretty girl asked.

"Yeah. So fucking good." He looked over at Serena as he said it. He walked toward her and untied her hands. She rubbed her wrists.

"What are you gonna do now tough girl. Hit me?" He baited her.

She knew it was a dare, he wanted her to, so he could beat the shit out of her. She didn't move, just averted her eyes. He grunted. "You'll want to after round two. Now you better be sitting there when I get back." He knew she wouldn't move. He had more power over her than the rope.

Then Mac left Serena. He was so sex sated, adrenalized and sure of himself over the obvious pain he'd caused that he left his pants in a crumpled pile on the floor by the bed when he took the blonde into the shower. Serena took a chance and found he'd left his cell phone in the pocket. She waited several moments, and then from down the hall, heard the steady spray of the shower. It was perfect. She grabbed the phone and dialed Ed's number while making sure that she was in sight of the doorway so she'd see Mac's shadow approach in time to put the phone back so that he was none the wiser.

It seemed to ring forever, and Serena bit her lip in trepidation. Was she too late? A strange mixture of emotion washed over her at that thought. Something else not to think about. The call connected just in time to spare her having to name her emotions.

Silence. She spoke quietly to her manager, "Hey, its me."

"Serena?"

"Yeah."

"Now you decide to call. Was it any of my five fucking thousand messages? Jesus. I waited around that town, what is it? Caineland, Cainefield or whatever for three fucking days. Are you still there? Where the fuck are you?" He sounded pissed.

"Ed I'm still in Utah."

"We have an album to make and you're wasting too much fucking time on this one Serena."

"I'm in trouble. I need..."

"Don't tell me, I don't want to hear it this time. Dump the guy, cut the bullshit and get back to Seattle."

"Ed...I can't leave."

"Why are you whispering?"

"This guy, he's holding me prisoner. You gotta get me out of here."

"Yeah right, sure he is. Again huh? Jeez what are you on this time?" Ed didn't exactly believe her captive story. Not again. He sighed and wondered if she was more trouble that she was worth. No, she was talented and besides, he was in love her. They'd broken up years ago but he knew he'd always love her, maybe she'd come back around someday. But right now he had to teach her a lesson. He couldn't keep saving her from herself.

"He's dangerous Eddie, get the cops too."

"Yeah sure, sure he is. Now get your ass back to Seattle. We are behind schedule; we've booked studio time we are losing money."

Serena felt a strange betrayal in her gut. "I'm serous this time, he's really crazy. That local deputy Harley knows him. His name is Mac and I'm at his house."

Serena's breath caught in her throat and she didn't respond for a moment. This was what she wanted right? To get away from Mac and back to her life. _Right?_

"Serena babe?" the voice on the other end of the line enquired. "You really expect me to fly back out there for you?"

"Yeah," she replied, trying to mentally store herself.

"Look we've been through this a million times. I'm not coming out there to find you already gone or refusing to come home. Not again Sorry. Look I'm glad to hear your voice again babe. Just finish with the guy and get home. See you soon."

"But..."

Ed laughed and hung up.

_"Wolf! Wolf!"_

_Just like the damn fairytale no one believes a liar even when she's telling the truth. __I am really alone this time. Mac is all I have…._

A moment later, the shower turned off. She deleted the dialed call and placed the phone back in the pocket of his pants on the floor and sat back on the chair.  
Mac returned to the bedroom feeling slightly uneasy but not sure why. He spotted the phone sticking out of his pants pocket and instantly recognized his potentially massive mistake. It didn't look as if it had been moved, but he couldn't be sure.

"Have fun?" Serena asked accusingly, hating the pain in her voice. She was giving him exactly what he wanted. When he didn't reply, she turned, a puzzled look on her face.

He still didn't say anything. Serena followed his gaze to rest on the phone then looked back up at him, a look of slight disappointment and embarrassment on her face. She looked away again. The intention was to make him realize that she hadn't touched the phone. Of course she hadn't, and how could he think such a thing of her? He still wasn't moving, so she sniffed a couple of times softly, willing tears to come to her eyes.

Mac trusted Serena not to try to run away again. There was no where to go. But to leave his phone where she could get to it? He wasn't so sure that she wouldn't have tried to contact someone. Not until he heard her sniffling, at least. He swore under his breath softly and walked towards her, pulling his pants back on and pushing the his phone deep into his pocket on the way. He crouched down, slid his arms around her and put his mouth to her neck, nuzzled gently then licked the bite mark that had scarred nicely by now.  
Serena wiped the tears from her face angrily and redoubled her efforts, attempting to ignore Mac in his quest for the extra sensitive area below her ear.

"Come here." he whispered, pulling her up from the chair.  
"No," she replied sulkily, trying to turn away from him, but she wasn't trying too hard. He put his arms around her then pressed her against the wall.

"You are such a bastard. Goddamn you…." She started.

Jade returned from the shower, amused by the picture before her. She figured she was off for a few minutes. She looked around and spotted Serena's journal. "What do we have here? Oh are we twelve?" She laughed. "Dear diary…" She flipped trough the pages observing, "Psycho bitch..." Then laughed again. "Oh this is good. _Do I love him?_"

"Bitch put that back! Fuck you that's private property you fucking bitch!" Serena shouted and struggled against Mac.

But the woman kept reading_. "Do I love him? Is it just the isolation and the fact no one was looking for me? Is it fear? Am I just used to him? The devil I know? But he held me last night, he saved me? Could he be the knight? _Ha ha hear that Mac, she wuvs you."

"Shut up bitch!" He turned abruptly from Serena grabbed the other woman roughly and hit her.

Serena gasped at the sound of his fist on another woman's face.

"Hey, what the fuck?" The blonde reeled. "Mac what the fuck, what the..."

"You do what I say. Sit down and shut up." He turned back to Serena. "Wanna see me do it again don't you?" He asked taking Serena's hands, running them over his pecs. He let her touch him, didn't push her probing fingers away as he shoved his hand between her trembling thighs. She lingered on the bullet scar and she saw him flinch, but just for a minute. Serena didn't trust this sudden tenderness. She waited for him to pull the rug out again, to turn scorpion.

"Why are you doing this to me?" She whispered.

He ignored her question. "Got you going too didn't it?" he groaned into her ear. "Don't tell me it didn't." He circled her clit with two fingers already making her hips buck under him.

"Not as much as you. Get away from me." She was ashamed of what that bitch had read. He'd heard it._ Oh God, now what? Fuck._

"You don't mean that."

"I do, go back to your date. She's waiting. Go on humiliate me some more."

"Lying tough girl, you're lying. You want me to touch you. Make you wet."

"No. Not after what you just did. Go fuck her that's what you want. Get off of me…."

"Lying. Always lying, aint you whore?"

She fell into him, his low raspy voice and his fingers massaging her clit weakened her resolve.

"Your date is jealous." She warned, and he shrugged, sliding his hand along the back of her thigh and up to her ass shoving the slip out of the way as he went. He slid his other hand to her cheek and pulled her towards him, trying to placate her with a kiss that was far more tender than he usually offered. She pulled away from him, still putting up a façade of protest in order to save face. He pulled her back and kissed harder. She knew she shouldn't trust this but didn't protest any further as he slid his palms from the bottom of her breast down to her hips, and crouching, laid a gentle kiss just above her pussy. She gasped as her body jerked sharply. She was burning immediately, her legs parting automatically and without her consent. He slid one finger into her mouth. She licked for a moment, then sucked gently until he withdrew it again. He slid the wet finger over one of her nipples in a slow spiraling pattern, and she moaned in frustration.

"What do you want?"

"Let me come...please let me..." she whimpered, lost in the urges he created, forgetting the other woman was watching,

"If you've been a good girl, we'll see." He chuckled low in his throat.

Mac repeated his actions, tracing his wet finger over Serena's other breast. She arched against him, murmured "Oh please just fuck me Mac!" He slid his finger to her lips and shushed her, pressing his mouth against her ear again.

"Shut up," He slipped his finger into her mouth, then slid the torturing wet digit down and onto her clit. He stroked just long enough to tease, leaned over and took a nipple into his mouth and sucked for a moment. Serena writhed, and then Mac bit into her breast. A low moan escaped her and she shuddered but just before her body surged into orgasm, he stopped and stepped back a satisfied look on his face. He backhanded her hard across the cheek.

"Uh uh, You don't get to come." _Love. Fuck that. The bitch was crazy and deserved to be punished. Love?_

"No…" she slipped to the floor, defeated and frustrated. "Don't. Mac wait…"

He smiled. He won. She didn't control him or his thoughts. He didn't feel a damn thing for her. R_ight? Built her up, then tore the bitch down. _

"Fuck. You." She said, punctuating each word with a middle finger. "You're just like all of them."

He shook his head but stared a little too long into her eyes. Blazing blue hatred collided with ebony anguished resolve.

He turned to Jade. "Get dressed."

"Mac what the fuck? I thought...you were gonna fuck me in front of her. Who is she anyway?" Jade complained.

"I got more in store for you don't worry." He answered. "And that bitch is nobody." He motioned to Serena crumpled on the floor. "Nobody." He roughly grabbed the blonde's arm and pulled her out the door.

Nobody.


	10. Keep On Running

**_*Well here we are at the end of my Mac experiment. The finale. I can't thank you all enough for your interest and support of this story. It was a challenge to write and you guys made me feel like I handled it well :) It was a twisted, dark, intense f**d up ride and I love you all for being on it with me! All your reviews really motivated me. You guys are the best! Mac is a tough one to write. I'm not sure if I'll do anther RC fic, but if you guys like my take on Mac and would read more, let me know :) _**

**_*Now, I don't know how you will all feel about this final chapter, but I'm sure you'll let me know- Or let me have it, whatever fits ;) _**

**_mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm_**

Nobody.

His word echoed loudly in her head. Serena put her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut tightly. Unwilling to let herself be conquered by his violent mood swings again, she knew she had to try to break free before he returned and she succumbed to his touch one more time. He crossed a line Serena didn't know she had. She'd taken so much from him, but this…that woman was too much. No one cared about her. No one was coming for her. Wolf! Wolf...

She tried the bedroom doorknob. He hadn't locked it behind him. He really didn't give a shit. She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and went outside to sit by the dog. The creäture approached snarling until Serena said "Its okay he's a bastard I know." The dog caught the woman's scent and settled into a sad whine. She whispered in a soothing voice. "You're an attack dog. You're supposed to kill me. But I understand you, don't I? I'm not afraid of you." She scratched the dog's muzzle. "Mac is an attack dog too isn't he? " She mused sadly. She sat on one side of the fence the dog on the other continuing to rub his head through the links. The night was chilly and the sky was luminous with stars. It was beautiful, she wished she were up there with the stars. It was cold and white and she wouldn't feel. She had to get away from him. There was only one way to do it. She couldn't sit forever dreaming under the stars, she had to take control. She pulled her exhausted, aching body up by the chain link. Keep on running. Its what she did best.

Inside the house, she dug through her duffel bag, still sitting in a corner of the kitchen for her black jeans, favorite t-shirt and makeup kit. Lastly, she took Mac's bottle of whiskey from the table, swigging as she walked to the bathroom. Cool. Calculated. Concentrating.

She showered, watching in awe at the illusion of her tattoos spinning down the drain. Then there was nothing left but a dirty girl wrapped in a filthy towel. She dressed and brushed her hair so it was straight and shiny. She stood in front of the dingy mirror over the sink. It was like any filthy dressing room in a run down rock club. She lined her eyes heavily in kohl as if for the stage. _You have seen some unbelievable things with those eyes._ She applied blood-red lipstick as if getting ready for a gig. _Screams had flown out of that mouth. Real lung ripping screams and not just while singing. _Singing is like a freight train running through her head and screaming was part of it. The emotion of that train baring down. In real life evil had kicked in and it wanted her to scream. The blackest knight of all wanted to own her screams.

Now the song couldn't get to her. She stepped out of its path and watched it like a roller coaster racing past. She no longer thought like a musician. She tried to remember what it was like?

_What did I used to say?_ _That I had a mission, a calling. That music was beautiful and it owned its own violence?_ Songs were her faith, her religion. It was respect for hurt and happiness. _Remember?_ But now she felt like she could just wander off. Off the rails. Finally leave it all behind. It had abandoned her as she it. _Mama was right. Oh my God she was right!_ Serena could never get away from judgement day.

She retrieved the bottle of Valium she'd stolen from his box yesterday and hidden under the mattress. Almost lovingly, she stroked the bottle then held it to her cheek.

_She'd been doing this dance with death for years. _

She thought too much. She'd been replaying the terrible, incredible scenes in her head. She'd take the pills to forever shut out the whispers of "mine, bitch, mine" that woke her in the darkness every night. Loving and hating the words as much as the feeling of him, unbidden, thrusting between her legs again and again. She wanted him to use her, to take her for himself. She thought if she could make him want her, make him frenzied with lust, she would always know he'd love her. She thought she made him love her. She thought she understood him, like she understood his attack dog. She had been wrong. Tonight proved just how wrong. Serena and her illusions.  
When she realized she loved him she knew she truly hated him. In love with the pain. Only when you totally love can you totally hate. Only when you love can you feel the agony of betrayal.

A sip of golden whisky, anesthetic for the pain of remembrance, courage for the minutes ahead.

She's nobody.

_Am I ready this time? The dance is over._

Serena was just a nobody crushed under the weight of her mistakes.

"I'm ready." Serena said aloud to the drawings of spiders on the walls surrounding her.

She opened the bottle of tablets and poured them onto the bed. She looked up as if facing her audience. She swallowed one at a time, washing them all down with small sips of whiskey, until both pills and whiskey were gone.

She sits. She waits. The lights begin to dim.

Softly, slowly, gentle as night, the curtain falls for the last time.

And by and bye, perhaps she did have stars. She was choosing flight. Fight hadn't worked out so well.

_Then she took the dog and started walking. She wasn't really sure where she was going. Was she going home?_

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mac watched Jade's body disappear into the sink hole. He'd fucked her on the back of his truck, trying to erase the picture of Serena's pained face; Serena tried to mask it with hatred. She was still feisty, giving him the finger as he left her humiliated on the floor. What had she said "You're just like all of them?" He fucked the hooker, slamming her head into the rusted metal of the truck bed with each thrust of his dick. She was unconscious when he slit her throat. He didn't have to cut her, he coud have just snapped her neck, but he wanted to use his knife to try to erase Serena with the other woman's blood.

He lit a cigarette, sat back in the cab and checked his cell phone messages. Harley telling him the parents of those girls had finally given up and accepted that their precious daughters ran away probably with some rich sugar daddy, and the guy snooping around after Serena had left. He grunted._ See?_ Fuck Walter being on his back all the time. _You better fix this son. Fix it fix it fix it. Clean up the mess._ Well he had._ Again._ But would Walter give him any credit? No, no he just expected it. Nothing interferes with his business. Mac cleaned up after himself no one could say he didn't. He had just one last piece of trash to put out now. _Right?_

He'd been doing this for days, weeks maybe; he didn't know. Back and forth. Doubting himself when it came to her. She didn't act like the rest of his victims, like any other woman he'd dealt with. She threw him. Her eyes had brought something out in his head. Memories had become a confusing thing. Dust in his eye that he was continuously trying to work out. It was a stained black-and-white photograph that made no sense. _Memories don't matter, what happened before doesn't matter. If it ever did._

_She doesn't know me. She doesn't matter._ That's what he kept telling himself. _The last piece of trash._

Mac was used to people finding him intimidating. He had a way of projecting a menacing indifference that immediately hid his keen intelligence. But for some reason she was never really intimidated by him. Afraid sometimes, but never intimidated. There was a difference. Also, she talked to him like a person, not like a goddamned dog.

He rubbed meth on his gums and sat back. He'd cut down recently thinking that might help with his betraying thoughts. Now a small pounding opened its way into his ears, sounding like a rushing river making its way over a thousand-foot cliff. The ecstatic feeling of pins being pushed into his every nerve sent a quiver through his body and he become aware of her hand on his bare chest under his shirt. Serena was touching the wound. The bullet wound. She was tender and he wanted her to touch it. The scarred wound where Walter had shot him when he was seventeen and tried to leave Caineville. Leave the business. Make his own life. He had the scar to remind him he'd never leave.

He felt the sting of sweat roll into his eyes and he tasted her lips on his own. He opened his eyes and he was alone in his truck.

Did he want her, did he feel something for her?

Mac thought for a moment, though not about the answer to the question, rather, he thought about the danger that comes from letting a crack form in an emotional wall, even a small one. No he didn't feel anything. But, when she was there he wasn't so alone. And he liked that she took every goddamn thing he did to her. That he could admit.

As he drove, Mac turned off that part of his brain that normally held control. It didn't go away though, only became a passenger. It watched and listened, but didn't speak. It raised no objection when, feeling a sudden shudder, he pulled into the driveway, and realized he was glad she was there. That's as far as he'd let his mind go.

Mac returned to find Serena asleep on the bed. He hoped she'd learned a lesson about who was running the show. He glanced at the book Serena always wrote in laying on the pillow by her head. He remembered Jade's mocking 'she loves you.' He felt nothing for the word. Not even anger. Just...nothing. That was worse because it meant something could take the place of his missing rage. What?

_How far would she have to walk? Serena didn't know but was glad she'd never feel tired again. She didn't feel the pebbles or rocks under her bare feet either. She felt no pain if fact. She was really going home. "__Where are you from girl?" A man on a horse stopped her on the road. She squinted up the sun was glaring behind his head so she couldn't make out his features. Faceless man._

_"Lookout Mt Tennessee. _

_"Long walk you got."_

_She nodded because then she was sure. "__I 'm going home now."_ She pulled her leopard coat tightly around her and the rhinestone tiara on her head sparkled in the sunlight as she began to walk faster.

Mac stood in the doorway feeling uneasy as he looked at Serena. Why was she dressed? Fucking bitch got into her stuff while he was out. Whatever, he 'd have her out of those clothes within minutes anyway. He entered the bedroom to find she hadn't stirred. He sat beside her and put his hand between her legs. She still didn't move. Then he saw the empty pill vial. He gripped her face in his hand and saw her skin had a bluish tinge and hear breathing was faint, if it was there at all.

"Fuck…." he said under his breath.

He picked up her limp body.

"Hey!"_ Mac's voice was trying to break into her head. _'You don't die on me bitch!"_ She blocked it out and kept walking. Long way to go._

"No you don't, you don't die on me unless I say! Wake the fuck up!" He slapped her face as he walked to the bathroom. He put her in the tub and turned on the shower. He sat behind her keeping her upright. "Don't die!" He said again as the water assaulted both of them.

_"Shut up!" she screamed in her mind as she walked on the road. It had started to rain and Mac kept trying to force his way into her head. "Let me go!"_

"Think you're smart do you?" He shoved his fingers down her throat forcing her to vomit. She coughed and heaved the blue pills and amber whisky, while the water drenched them both. He kept shoving his fingers deeper and her retching became violent. "Stupid bitch!"

_Serena stared towards Death, silently pleading with her, inviting her. Wordless, Death remained still, gazing at Serena with that sorrow in her eyes. Instead of coming to her, instead of wrapping her up in her arms Death moved back, letting the black swallow her until all that was left were the empty shadows. "_No please don't go….take me with you!" Serena cried, feeling it all slipping away; not her life, her escape. Even death had abandoned her.

"Let me go!" she choked out.

"No way fucking tough girl you aren't going anywhere, less I send you. I own you. I decide whether you live or die. Don't forget that. "

_Is it that I am not ready? That I have not suffered enough? _Serena desperately wondered_. Every day my pain and my guilt swallows me, and I try to drown it all out with the poison, try to escape it. Instead of living and atoning. _Serena felt devastated.

Finally she opened her eyes, finding herself sitting in the tub, the shower on, Mac behind her. When he saw her look back at him he ignored her disappointed, crestfallen expression and kissed her head.

"No." she said weakly. "No."

"C'mon," he picked her up and carried her back to the bedroom.

"Fuck was that? Crazy bitch."_ My crazy bitch._

She didn't answer. Goddamn it she'd been on her way, she'd finally made a decision. And he ruined it.

Mac noticed a change in her. She was cold and distant. He felt like his control over her was slipping. She didn't care about him anymore.

"I'm tired." Was all she said feeling dizzy and weak.

"I'm not, get your fucking clothes off. Now."

He started to gently undress her, but she pushed him away and stripped off her wet clothing herself in an almost bored way. When she was completely naked, she turned to face him, and he sucked his breath in sharply. She was covered in his marks. So many scars, on her back, thighs, legs, breasts. She was gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous, the most perfect body that he had seen in the flesh. He had made her that way.

As he kissed her neck, she heard the click of his folder knife. Her eyes widened and her brain switched into gear. He eased the knife over her pussy. She put her mouth over his hungrily and pulled back with a seductive smile. "Hey, let me, let me start it."

Mac was glad she was playing again, so he let her take the knife

"Say it, tell me I'm nothing." She smiled and plunged the blade into her lower abdomen. She pulled it out and plunged it in again and twisted. Right into the scarred M he'd carved. The blade was low enough in her abdomen on the second pass to that it hit the aorta or lower vena cava either one would cause death.

Blood slowly bloomed like a flower on her white skin leaking out from the wound and dripping on the floor.

"Shit!" Mac pulled back and let her slump to his feet. "Bitch, this isn't your call!"

"I told you, you can't hurt me anymore than I already hurt myself. Fuck you Mac. You're nobody too." She closed her eyes and she smiled. He heard her whisper "I loved you_."_

"It isn't your call!" He crouched and said it close to her face as her last breath escaped. Her call to die or to love him?

_Mama you were right. You were right. _Serena walked, singing as she went.

"Oh sinner, you'd better get ready

I thought I heard the preacher say,

The time's a comin when the sinner must die,

You'd better get down on your knees and pray,

The time's a comin when the sinner must die."

_I'll hold them snakes now mama. Its okay._

She was walking home. We all die.


End file.
